- warren's coming tomorrow!!
- dinner w/ paul was too much work. argh. finding a place to eat takes effort.
- happy birthday kevin!
- kate's cookies are fuckin amazing!
- thanks for the grinder, carm, it's bee-ootiful!
- god fuckin dammit... it's not even 1... why the hell am i home??? fucken living with parents....

thanks to carmen's phone call, i actually picked my ass up out of the house and went downtown. haha and a good thing i did too. not only did i do what i had to do (go to NT and replace my piercing jewellery ball) i also got two skirts at this awesome vintage/second hand store! :D yiay! i saw karen and ray at the bus stop on my way to stc too, i haven't seen them both in sooo long. :)

hmm..... i wonder how those nanaimo bars are coming along..... heh....

***

mmm.... chillin at timmy ho's was awesome! yiay for chillin! i met windsor students! and gee (aka my future roommate, heh heh)! and jackie! and air-ick! yiay!

i went shopping today and bought HOT boots. omg, they are so fucking hot. :D!! the boots had no tags on them whatsoever... i could've walked out wearing them, and seriously, no one would notice, buuuuut.. u know... i'm a good citizen. haha! then i bought hot bras cuz sarah was working and she was my personal assistant, so i had to buy something. lol yiay sarah!

ok fanfic time! yiay draco! ron! hermy-own-ninny!

Don't you forget the echoes of time
Won't you regret the losing of minds
In my dreams I'm searching
Across the desert sands for you
Scimatar moon is guiding me close to your side

So
Should I return to trace the shadows of my chases
My steps will echo there from sand to stone
I will never let my eyelids close on empty spaces
My dreams will fill the void with tales unknown
Know the mighty infinite obscures the far horizon
The whispered road I take will never bend
Alone
And will the wind return my story to its promise
Or will my story chase me to my end

Melodies unspoken
Flowing from the lotus of my heart
Ending where we start

Promises unbroken
Promising a never-ending fire
Of love beyond desire

Ending where we start

holy crap it's Christmas Eve! meh... the only good thing is that there's snow on the ground.

i spent a good part of yesterday on Mugglenet.. again. it's incredible how much time people have totally dissecting those books. my head actually hurt when i was reading about time travel and profecies. ahhh! and all the little things that are hidden in there, it's crazy! so i've decided to read all the books over again, for detail. and i'm noticing these weird things too! like all the references to the number 12 and the colour purple. (Mar, are you reading this?? it's important shit, yo!) oh oh! as well, Book 6 is coming out on July 16/ 2005!! yyyeeeeeaaaa!! can't wait! 7 months! ahh!!

anywhoo...
yea, i'm gonna go finish my book now.

what a way to end the day.

that's all i can say.

omg last night was sooo fun! im going to actually post about it in detail becuz i forgot my fuckin camera, and i need to remember occasions like this when i didn't have my camera.
*ahem*

so kevin picked up up at 5:40 ish, then we picked kamla up. it was awesome chatting with him, he looks like jesus with pierced ears! hee hee! we were driving down kingston and vee called, so kevin dropped me and kamla off at the restaurant and went to pick vee up. oh man... that restaurant is fancy schmancy!! you walk in, and it's all dark with candles, and a big red velvety drape, in which you have to go through it to get to the main desk. so we did, and so i said to the waiter "i had a reservation" and the waiter goes "you had a reservation? you don't have one anymore?" hahaha what a joker... so i'm like "ummm.... well, i still have it..." so whatever, he shows us to our table, it was so damn fancy, all the nice table clothes and wine glasses and dark atmosphere! alishia was the next one to arrive, it was so great seeing her! last time i saw her was last year's dinner. lol! her bf didn't come... bah! kate, carmen, nique and adam arrived next, along with kevin and vee, we were pretty loud then. haha! we were still waiting for jordan and kevin to arrive. so we were looking through the menus and whatnot, asking the waiter what everything was (nique's tomato steak... haha!) we even had a lesson on our menues! the waiter came to us and said "so you haven't been here before? let me tell you how our menus work... first, turn to the first page..." then explained "flip to the second page... and you will find our ..." and it went on... and at that point kevin p. and jordan arrived! so i kinda missed the last part of the lesson. jorda ordered a martini, but then i said to him "you know the martinis are $14..." and he looked at the martini menu list, and cancelled his order.. haha! it took us a loooong time to decide what everyone wanted, becuz we didn't know what it meant. we asked so many questions that even our waiter blanked out! hahaha hilarious. lish and i shared a calamari, it was sooo yummy! :P anywhoo... we waited a bit for our main dish, and mine was suuper yummy, except for the artichokes- they tasted weird. carmen and kate's $5 mashed potatos really weren't worth $5. we can all make better ones. but apparently, kevin's steak was good! i had a little "incident" with my k-nif, and the waiter came over and said "did something spill?" and i was just sitting there all prim and proper and answered "no?" lol everyone was laughing at me sooo much. (really, i have NO idea what they're talking about...haha!) aaanywhoo, so after dinner, i thought we were gonna go to this cafe that had cake and coffee and alcoholic drinks, cuz me and kevin winson and vee wanted to go..and some other people, but then nique was like "you can all buy booze and come to my house!" so we all went to nique's house, but the LCBO was closed and all of us in kevin's car didn't feel like drinking. (kevin p. and jordan went to church st. so they weren't with us).... so we were at nique's house, and damian pulled out wine, and we all explaimed how wine at the Monte Cristo was so fuckin ridiculously priced. so then we had this huge convo about wine and everyone got a glass of wine. nique went upstaires and took two bottles of her dad's wine, and he finished it. lol danny and elliot joined us as well, and danny has like, no hair! lol... it's cute! damian and i had a serious conversation about OCAD, becuz i told them how jeremy wanted to kick me out, and him and danny were like "fuck him!! don't let him fucking tell you what to do!!" and then damian came over and kneeled down started telling me how OCAD made him hate drawing and stuff, and i told him how i know, i didn't want to get into art cuz i might not enjoy it as much, and then he told me he hated it so much, that's why he dropped out, and raffi went to OCAD too, and he hated it, but he just stuck it out and graduated, but he still hated it, so i shouldn't go. it was actually a good talk, cuz i didn't know anyone else except him who went to OCAD. and then we all went to the garage, and talked about how we should have another raga, and i got all excited, cuz the last one was SOOOOOO much fun. and then i mentioned how i wanted to record it next time (like our MT improvs), and elliot was like "i don't give you permission to record my musical talents." hahaha! meh! and then kate froze (and so did carmen) so we went back inside... had more wine, and then kevin drove me carmen vee and kamla home. it was overall a reeealllyy fun night, and i'm sorry that some people had to miss it.

***

so paul and i went christmas shopping today. we were at stc for 3 fuckin hours and the only thing he bought was a little bug massager for me, cuz he owed me a christmas present. paaahhh... afterwards, we left stc and went to dad's cookie and bought sooo many cookies! lol.. and then we became fobs and bought bubble tea..lol.. and then we went to the LCBO and he got a case of smirnoff for one of his friends. haha ohhh man. it was cool hanging out with him though, and i still owe him a KBBQ. anywhhooo... i think i'm gonna practise again tonight. :D i don't think i want jeremy to kic me out.

i love having plans :) can't wait til dinner tomorrow....... tonight :D goim shopping with paul on tuesday and hanging out with matty wednesday :DDD can't wait! i miss everybody! i miss warren already, geez. damn stupid BIZ exams, hahaha.. (no, ian, im NOT gonna fuck him, get over it!)

today i spent the majority of the day in my room, it kinda sucked, but i actually did go shopping for people, and my bunny. it was cold out. i went to Coles and saw this book i reeeeaaallly wanna get. it's an autobiographical story of David Pelzer and his extremely abusive childhood- beatings and extreme neglect from his mother. i read the intro of iit in the store, it was sooo good! the psych part of me wants to see how it changed his life, cuz in psych, i learned that children who've been abused and neglected turn out to be antisocial and stuff like that, but it doesn't seem like he's that type of person now, so..it's interesting.

anyways, im tired, i'll post more laterrrr.. :)

well, i've been back for a while... i really wish i wasn't though. i think this is the first time i really don't want to be here, and i'm not even angry.
my mom hasn't said anything to me at all, and the only thing i said to her was hi, because my dad made me do it. and she ignored me.

it really is kind of sad. i really would rather be back at waterloo. my brother is pretty much ignoring me too. so the only person i talk to is my dad. and he's not home right now.

it's different being by myself at home. in waterloo, when i don't talk to people, like my roommate, it's alright, i dunno why. it's just different. even last year, when i didn't really talk to the people in my building. but here, it's different.

ah whatever... i'll just clean my room, shower, and sleep.

like what me and denny talked about last night, who needs family? what is this family business anyway? pfft.

yiay i have my laptop back!
my precious, worm-free, super fast laptop, with nothing on it! bah!
it's confusing... i can't even download MSN... and i have no Microsoft Word or anything useful like that on it either. so i have to re-install that tomorrow. *sigh*...

i spent like half a day shopping for a present for warren. shopping for guys is hard! but i finally found something cool- one of those oil incense burners that you hang on the wall. heh... see, this way, if he doesn't like it, i can always use it. haha! juuuust kidding. :)

anyways, i'm le tired, but i still have to study, and my cousin is coming over to try and fix my computer and have dinner with me. *sigh*... it's gonna be a loooong night.
oh shite, i still have to call for reservations for le diner on monday. better do it now. argh.

wheee...
my laptop is fucked. i'm on ian's comp. he's out right now, with his oompa loompa hair. heh heh...

technical exam yesterday went okay. christine made me do B flat scale of 4,6,8,12, and 24. 3rds and octaves. booo... those are like, my two worst double stops. and i didn't even finish my bach. i played about 2/3's of it. meh. not complaining.
went shopping after! yiay! i went to 360, and bumped into amy james and catherine there. had fun trying on stuff, i got a new outfit! it was pretty.
party at christine's (viola teacher, of PSQ) was fun, her kitty, coco, was sooo cute. haha pete stepped on her. :| mmm chili and shrimp and nachos and dip! christine grounded chocoate and made chocolate sauce that went with the ice cream, soooo good. :) chatted with jeremy about some serious stuff, like how i'm so messed up, and him showing us how he's gonna say "i do" ("i do... i think? i guess so..." haha!) watched the PSQ's "performance" on the food network, on tape. it was hilarious! now i fully understand what they were saying when they told us how jerzy couldn't eat the pasta! and then jeremy drove me, liz, andres, and katie home.

my dad just called and said he'd pick me up on saturday. ha. i was like "i thought i wasn't going home?" and then he's like "you know your mom wasn't serious and blahblahblah..." honestly... i am like a puppet. she can push me away when she doesn't want me and take me back when she does. i'd like to see her reaction if i told her that I didn't want to. heh heh... but i'm not that evil....... or am i?

just kidding.

aaaanyways... i have no motivation to study for psych. just wanna sit here and do nothing. bleugh.

christmas in a week and two days. yiay.
hey, paul, let's get fucked and create havoc in scarbro.

*deep breath*

what the FUCK just happened tonight? i apologise if my thoughts are random. i can't really think straight right now. and i cn't see very well either.

thanks bethany for being there for me :) much much appreciated.

can't think. ah.

ok i am going to try and stay at this fucking school. i am NOT living at home. if i have to give up going to OCAD, i will. i am NOT living at home.

you're right, mother. it's not about school now. people have already screwed that up for me. i just have to stay away from you. im not your fucking puppet.

i was good last night. i didn't act on impulses.
go me.

theory exam in two and a half hours. bah.

OH. MY. GOD.

I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS.
FUCKING PEOPLE.... I SWEAR.

aaaahhhhhhhhhh....

ok OCAD. accept me, and i will be your bitch.

why the hell is everyone so bitter today?
probably exams... but still.

been studying. nothin much else going on.

been thinking about next year again... so many choices, it's frustrating! OCAD actually has really interesting courses. but... i dunno... my lesson yesterday went kinda bad. it wasn't the worst i've had, but still... i had to admit to jeremy that i haven't practised A minor yet cuz i've been concentrating on B flat. i felt like such an idiot. fuck... ok i'm serious about making my portfolio now. i'm probably even gonna ask beth if i can use the poem i'm writing out for her as a part of it. i'm sure she'll agree. yea, beth wanted me to write this poem for her, cuz apparently, i'm artsy. heh heh. it actually looks pretty good so far. i really don't want to move though. i wanna live with warren and eunie next year and be fobbitized! (actually... no, don't wanna be fobbitized. that is that LAST thing i want) and i want tom's basement! bah.

geez i'm so out of place.

i came back to loo early this afternoon. i had to do my letter of intent. i finished it at 7pm, right when the concert was starting. what a coinkydink. bah!

can't believe how easy the skills rhythms are. :D it doesn't really match the super fucken hard melodies. not impressed.

my right eye hurts. i don't know why. ow.

i'm pretty sure we have a destination for dinner. yiay! i'm so excited! mikey can't come though. damn alexisonfire concert!

okay gotta keep practising for skills. i want A+ for rhythms!! melodies.... well, we'll see how they go.

ah shit...
i think i have to go back to loo tomorrow. i totally forgot to bring the outline for my letter of intent... and i REALLY have to do it. shitshitshit... i really wanna go to the concert tomorrow...ahhhh... im such an idiot for not thinking about that...
argh.
anyways, i'll fix up my resume in the meantime.

and here we go again.
it never ends.
god fuckin dammit!!!

my mom came home and i wished i never came back.
it never fucking ends. i always hope for a hi, it doesn't even have to be enthusiastic. but no... all i get is her bitching.

thank god i'm only staying til thursday.

yiay i just got home! taking the ttc busses made me feel like going home from high school. *sigh*... oh the memories... the bus drive REALLY can't drive tho. damn toronto trasit. i saw james fu on the subway though! i haven't seen him in the longest time! it was cool... he helped me with my bags, cuz i had so many. :) at STC, he was like, "yea i have your number now.. kinda disappointed u didn't ask for mine..." lol... i was like..umm... well, just call me and i'll have it. haha! aaaanyways... trudging home with my two big bags and instrument from the bus stop was brutal.

i just realized i forgot to bring home the prepared melodies that bethany printed off for me. :( now i have to print them again. speaking of skills... the exam was brutal!! damn two-part melody and two-part rhythm... grr... and chords, omg. damn those chords to hell!

anywhoo...i'm craving hot chocolate, so i'm gonna go make some.

fran, shan, tracy, ian: try to contain yourselves and not have hot sex with my bunny, okay?

Congrats to Carmen, who has finally decided to start her blog again! the new template's amazing, looooove iiiit!

anywhoo, yea, choir was awesome this afternoon, pat yourselves on the back! :) Shermeen's in choir! it was cool talking to her, but then her friend came and just pulled her away, just like that. WTF. seriously. can i kill her?

SOOOO.... miss bitch apparently went and told people about our "incident". hahaha whatever. i don't even bother dealing with these people anymore, they can think whatever the hell they want. it's not a loss on my part anyway. i hate bitches. seriously.

anyways... yea. i have to go for a bit.

i finally finished ALL my papers friday night, hung out with warren, watched some movies at his place. i was actually pretty bored yesterday so i got keshia to come over and we watched 3 movies in a row. hee hee.. choir concert today, whoo hoo! and amber's shedding again. bah.
skills exam tomorrow. yiay.
so when is the freakin ACI christmas concert?? i'm pretty sure i can actually make it this year. whoo hoo! i gotta switch my lesson time... friday!
shit... i really have to start studying for psych. stupid psych... bah. and i have to get a police report.
*sigh*...
okay... back to skills.

i can't believe i'm typing this post... after typing for pretty much the entire day yesterday!
im so sick of typing... but i couldn't stay away. heh heh....eh.
um, yes, so yesterday, i spent approximately 9 hours re-writing my first MT essay, equivalent to 17 pages, close to 6500 words. oh man... so brutal. then, at 2:30, once i finally finished typing, i watched The Prince and Me... cuz i wasn't tired. it was pretty good, Prince Edvard was hot! :P

watched the Berlin orchestra play Beethoven's 6th in sectionals/masterclass last night (Jerzy's DVD from China). it was awesome! and im planning the Bach party/concert in march. heh heh... fun. figured i might as well do something extra for school for once. i love Bach!

so i think i will be crossing one member off the Christmas Dinner list, because of recent (last night) events. that bitch, i swear to god... i think there is too much hatred going around with me. sometimes, i really hate the female population-- too much fuckin drama. no consistency.

the one thing i like about class evaluations is that you can bitch about the teacher and give them horrible ratings, and they won't even know it's you. heh heh...*ahem* vandenberg *ahem* we'll see how monday's exam goes. i better fuckin get a B... or else.

gotta finish up the references for the MT paper... i'll post more... later.

today, i hate
everything that has to do with music at school
jeremy bell, aka mr. if-you're-determined-then-i'm-behind-you-every-step
paul pulford, aka mr. super-great-conductor-who-don't-give-a-shit-about-the-sucky-people-who-sit-at-the-back
my goddamn MT paper
my violin
my house
people
amber

***

while i was doing my paper last night at 3am, i looked up alessandro safina on the internet cuz, with a voice like that, i wanted to see he looked like.
alessandro safina is hot for an old guy. ;)

***

hating school.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

so the deal with me and jeremy is this: he apologised for putting all that on me last week. he tried to make up for it by saying how he'll support me in my decision and blahblahblah...
so what it comes down to:
there is a 50/50 chance i'm going.

yiayiayiay!!!
i finished my psych paper AND handed it in to the DE office by 9pm! oh yeeeaa... i rock. :D! but i pretty much locked myself in my room and worked on it since 11:30 this morning.

anyways... i don't really have much to post about my day, cuz all i did was my psych paper.

i watched Crazy/Beautiful with Fran last night. it was the best movie. i almost cried. it's definately going into my favourites list.

wow... we have 14 people for our Christmas dinner so far... good progress!! i'm sooo excited for it. :D! still need to find a place to eat though. ahhhh... no time to! well, no worries i WILL find a place. i WILL......i WILL....

taking my one millionth break.
heh heh... whoops. but look, my blog layout looks pretty!
wish i were in paul's co-op class so i can learn how to count by colouring boxes. heh heh...
psych: i'm on the 5th page. almost halway there! i can actually work pretty fast if i wanted to, but... meh.

it hurts most of all when someone you admire and respect crushes your dreams. thanks, PSQ member.

***
drama with roomies
listening to fran practise her P&S
amber's shedding
allergies
movie time with fran... and i'm starving.

i spent an hour and a half on the phone with paul, cuz he was reciting all the details of his coop for me. yes, yes, i'm cheating the system. why? because i can. :) thanks soooooo much, paul. i owe you a really really good KBBQ dinner. :P

i think i'm gonna be up everynight til wednesday doing psych and MT diary. geez... i was calculating today, and with my MT paper, diary, and the psych paper, i would've written 45 pages, in two weeks. omg... how brutal is that?

i really really wanna sleep, but i must start this goddamn psych paper. i have pretty much 3 days to write 15 pages.

blehblehbleh, that's all i have to say.
i found out today that my last exam is on the 15, not the 13th, like i though. grrr! i shake my fist at my technical playing exam!

i have a Beth Anne tomorrow. it's my first Beth Anne of the year. whoo hoo!
i bought a new used Tea Party cd today, i love it!!

1. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MATTY! well, technically, i'm not late, cuz i already called you on sunday and wished you a happy birthday. but whatever! yiay you're 18! you're an adult! i'm so proud of you! :) did you get my music yet??

2. got home on sunday at 4am. it was sooo crazy. i don't even know what time we left Huther's, but then a bunch of us went to Heather's house afterwards. i talked to some pretty cool people too. :) yiay music people! oh! oh! oh! me and Melissa bonded through a nice joint. and then when we came back around the corner (cuz we were behind huther's) Justin, Mike, and a bunch of other people were caught smoking pot by the cops. dry... me and Melissa decided to just keep walking and pretend we don't even know them, as to not look suspicious. but still...

3. i missed Skills yesterday. i was so thrown off by that. argh...totally wasn't planning on sleeping in. damn fucking alarm clock.

4. on the other hand, the theory pop quiz i missed on friday didn't count towards my mark, so that was good.

5. MT was pretty fun today. the seminar kinda sucked, even though it was one of the better ones. but still. i'd rather sleep. we got breakfast though. so that made up for it.

6. had lunch with Denny (my cousin) cuz he was visiting his friend from UW again. he bought me lunch! and then we went to the candy store. :P!!

7. masterclass with David Rose today was interesting. Laura rocks at the viola! (no, really, she does)

8. dinner with Jackie and Timmy was fun! i haven't seen them in so long! (well, i saw Timmy a couple weeks ago, but it didn't count cuz we were at Aaron's funeral)but yeah it was fun. Jackie and i talked about the Christmas dinner. we still don't know where we wanna go. oh well.

9. just came home from Morty's with Bethany. i think this is like the first time we hung out together. it was really fun. we had a two hour discussion about music. hahaa! omg, we are such music students! i think Beth is the only person who is totally on the same page as me when it comes to music issues. i love it! even the math stuff... omg. it's sooooo funny. when the bill came we were so confused, cuz we didn't know how to calculate it if i put down a 20, and she gave me a 10.... who would owe who back what. lol! i think we sat were trying to figure it out for like, 5 minutes. it was hilarious.

10. so screwed for psych. i don't think i will get the paper done on time..... but i'll try anyways. i guess? MT diary due next week as well. fuck.. might as well write a fuckin book.

anyways, i'm out. i'm le tired.

it was a really really really great performance.
can't wait til huther's.

i hate people who don't fuckin answer thier fuckin phones. and people who treat you like shit. fuck you all to hell.

When at Louie's

DO:
dance
dance really well
dance with hot guys
dance when you're drunk

DON'T:
get drunk before you get in ( i learned that lesson)
grope with strangers
grope with everyone you dance with
make out with everyone you grope with

**

what a fun night! concert tomorrow!! yiay Tchaik!!

i'm such a loser.
i can't do it.
fuck.

ah.
well, i finished my paper at 5am. what's surprising is that even though i finished at 5, i was the first one in bed out of me fran and tracy. all the M.T papers are done now. such a relief. gonna start my psych one next week. for now, i'm just going to enjoy the rest of the week of not writing anything, and concentrate on orchestra. i really miss playing. i was practising for my mock audition last night, and did not want to stop. my neck is also getting worse again. ow. MT class today was tough again. anytime Ruth talks about Sick Kids, it really gets to me. especially when we watch those tapes and i see HSC. i know exactly what it feels like, being in those rooms. That little boy with the rare disease, Brandon, was soooooo lovely. i wish i could just go to HSC and give him the biggest hug. and everytime Joshua smiled, it was like, the best thing in the world happened. :)
anyway, i'm so fucked right now. i'm soooo tired. physically and mentally. it's not even funny. i think my cough, or something is gonna come back... i can feel it. shit.

well anyway, it's almost time for orchestra. :) concert this sunday at 3pm, if anyone is interested. :)

in the libberary. taking a break. almost at the end of page 11. word count at 4678. how can i write two pages worth of goals? hm.. i'll find a way.
mock auditions went well. i am lovin' the Tchaik! for real, i am. learned the super fast part in mov't 3 today before my mock audition. heh heh. string boys are hot. huther's on sunday, can't wait!
got a flu shot yesterday, and saw garreck. he got a flu shot too. and was dizzy. aww... poor garreck... studying in the concourse by himself while i was walking to the libberary. gave me a drink. yiay! i haven't had coke in the longest time.
been thinking about shit (ie. people) all night last night. and then i had a dream about doing my mock audition and jeremy and mike z.

will post in complete sentences tomorrow when i have my MT paper out of the way.

just a bit past 12 now...
already been a full year, who woulda thunk it? thinking back, sooo much really happens in a year. my life is like a soap opera sometimes... gotta love it. *sigh*...

anyway, talked to matt hoskins last night, it was quite the chat. he made me think about some things. a couple years, huh? i dunno.... we'll see. a couple years is a long time.
em told me to fuckin dump his ass. i dunnooooo...

anyway, back to my paper.

jon left already. boourns. damn greyhound... anywhoo, it was a pretty fun weekend. starlight was fun on friday! it's really not my type of music, but it was great seeing seeing music people there! me, jon, lorrina, andrea, margaret (piano girl) some tuba dude, and jeff! jeff's awesome. hehe. did absolutely bothing yesterday. we pretty much spent the whole day with fran. watched the Day After Tomorrow. it was a good movie. it's kinda scary to think that it can actually happen. watched the football game, we won!! whoo hoo!! laurier rocks. :D we beat mac. muahaha! went to wilf's for dinner, then hung out in the practise rooms for a good hour. hahaha! practise rooms are the best hangout places. :D! i think i'm gonna play Somewhere Over the Rainbow for my MT audition. brendan's gonna give me the piano part for it. yiay!

this week is going to SUCK. intensive week, MT paper due, AND mock auditions. crappity crap. anyway.. gotta shower then park my ass in the library. ta!

1. jon is coming!

2. Starlight tonight, yiay! i love hanging out with music people! STRING people... :D i love being in a string cult!

3. UW library SUCKS ASS. really... i went in there, and i had to get books on the 5th floor, and the whole place was fuckin deserted. the elevator is SKETCH. i'm not even kidding. the floors suck, and so do the study tables. *shudder* WLU library fuckin ROCKS compare to UW library.

4. timmy is a horrible friend. :(

5. yiay for bonding with roomies! i bonded with fran through talking about tuesday's very emotional music therapy class, hot music people, and string cults. :DDDD!! i'm "normal". :P i bonded with ian through...music, queer as folk, and tenacious D. hahah! good times, good times. and i bonded with amber through our having sex every night. :P!! damn straight. you're jealous.

6. i miss people.

7. fuck, i have to call my mother. i promised my dad i'd call her. arggghhh....

wee... im actually starting to get some work done. i did macgamut today. :) i really need to start my MT paper... i'm so screwed for that. i'm pretty sure i'm not going to make it into the program this year. cuz see, i don't have sufficient psych marks. oh well. i still want at least a B+ on this damn paper.

paul just gave me a good idea of what to write about. yiay! lung cancer.... (smoking cancer, according to paul. hahah!) it'd be interesting... i haven't thought of that. i know so many people who smoke. *sigh*.. please don't smoke, it's so bad for you. damn... paul just gave me another great idea. hehe i like my friends who are smart and help me with my homework. :)

jon is coming for the weekend, yiay! but i reallly have to start working on my paper, cuz i know i'm probably not going to get much work done this weekend. ah...

in other news... i'm still sick, but it's getting better. i haven't talked to my mom since sunday night... my dad called me last night (while i was actually doing theory) and asked if i want to talk to my mom, and i said "i'll talk to her if she wants to talk to me."... well, i guess she didn't cuz i didn't talk to her. meh. not my loss.

i read mar's blog last night, and i can't believe Cassie Claire still haven't finished the full Draco trilogy. i remember first starting the trilogy in, what, gr.9? 10? dammnnn... i started reading the trilogy over this past summer just cuz it's been THAT long... i'm still on DS. :)

anyway.. i'm gonna get back to work... but before i go, i just wanna say:

AMBER'S SO CUTE! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!

jackie, kevin: thank you guys sooooo much. really. :)

i went back to warren's place last night around 1:30. it was a good decision. after that post... i thought i was gonna die. garreck was there. i haven't seen him in so long. they helped me feel better. and warren made me dumplings. :) went home at 4. sorry trace, for waking you up.

anyway... i still feel like shit, and i'm sick. and it's cold outside.

i went.
i saw him. i cried. lydia gave me tissue. karen held my hand and we cried together. karen and i went to burn papers for him. my hand shook. we went up to the lounge and cried some more. karen, adrian and lydia left. me, kar kim, noaman, and kevin went back down. they left. po kit came. i held him, and i cried. he told me not to. but then he did too. i miss po kit, for real. it was such a special moment when me karen and po kit were together. no words were needed. we all knew. i love them so much. for real *heart*...

so much things sucked this weekend. i can't even put into words how much i feel like shit. maybe everyone is right. i just need some rest.

it's snowing.

***

someone please just end this.
i have problems.
i have to get over things.

take frances' darkest poetry, and that is what i feel like.
act upon impulses.

can i cut myself open?

fuck, i miss you. i hate memories that come back and haunt you.

it's been a rough week... one more day before i can get out of here and go back to where i'm needed.
i just want to thank a couple people:

PAUL: thanks sooooo much for being there for me. you're the bestest :) not even my girl friends take me out for a day. actually... no one has. can't wait til saturday. thanks :)

KEVIN (Jackie's bf): well, he's probably not gonna read this, but last night's talk helped sooooo much, you have no idea. i'm so glad i met you. :) thanks, mr. therapist.

FRANCES: i love you. you know.

CARMEN: you were there when i got the phone call, and i'm so glad you were. thanks for being there. :) see you on sunday. i know there's gonna be sooo many people, it's gonna be like a White Haven/ACI reunion...

IAN: please sing the Sound of Music again... it makes me laugh.


anywhoo... i know i haven't even posted about halloween yet. halloween was memorable this year. guelph was fun (i bought the coolest poster in guelph!)! but kat's party was so much better (sorry carmen, u know it's true). i did a bucket. it was brutal. thanks, ian. hahaha ian did the first bucket and ran to the bathroom coughing for like 5 minutes. it was hilarious. carmen and i drank lots. no, actually... i drank lots, and carmen just drank. and then carm rolled a nice big joint from the "Little Sins" book. muahaa. it was fun. then we went to kat's place.. omg.. amy was madonna, she looked awesome in her costume! then she went on her email and showed us her little brother's Edward Scissor Hands costume. holy shit... i really thought it was him for a minute, no kidding, til amy was like "yeah! that's my little brother!" it was that good. catherine's (cellist) costume was pretty cool too. apparently she was a punk, but i thought she looked more like the doll from Nightmare Before Christmas. hahha... oh, and then eric and ilana came and u know how eric is with his "thomas". so...it was fun. went home for a bit, and visited warren. then carmen changed back to regular clothes and we went back to kat's for a bit. came home at like... 2ish and went to bed. my whole day on monday was like a dream. my throat killed, and all i could think about was Aaron. orchestra never seemed so long. i played, but i honestly had NO idea what was going on...

i had a lesson today... and i actually told jeremy i didn't really do much work lately. but he still asked about school. oh well. jeremy's cool. he just came back from China. i'm playing for jang's accompanist class. dammit, i have to practise now. shit. hee hee. my corset arrived in the mail on tuesday. it's hot. :) haven't been talking to jon much. ah. i haven't even been thinking about him much lately... i dunno... haven't been one of my priorities at the moment. i know that sounds horrible, but i'm pretty sure i haven't been one of his either. so fuckit. fuckit, i say.

i've finally narrowed down my topic for the music therapy paper. i'm going to write about hospitalized children with leukemia and... umm... probably burn patients. but leukemia for sure. shit, this is so depressing. karen's not going to share a flower wreath with me. so pissed. whatever... i'll just take carmen's advice and buy a little bouquet by myself.

anyways... i think im actually going to do work now. i seriously haven't done any work for two weeks, except last night when i kinda practised for play and sing. whatever. i'm out.

Funeral is goin to take place on SUN, NOV 7th 3pm - 7pm Ogden Funerals Homes (Sheppard n Midland)

Hey everyone..
Well i think you knew that Aaron was suffering from blood cancer for almost a year now, and that he was in the hospital for most of the time. Now he has past away dued to lung infections which caused all the blood and bone marrow transplant to be destroyed by the medication he needed to take in the hospital to fight the infection. He left us on November 1st 12:05am. He was well loved by many, he was very friendly, and seem to be able to communicate with anyone. He was one of my bestest friends for 10 years. Never thought that this would be the cause which ended it and never this early. But our friendship and memories will live on in me. Thanks to all that cared or even thought about him. And a big thanks goes to the individuals that visited him, especially on his last day. I know it ment a lot to him. We should all be happy that he didn't suffer, he left peacefully. All in all, we didn't lose anyone, we gained an Angel. He will be missed and loved by all.

Kelvin,

Aaron J. Wang
Born: March 28, 1985
Died: November 1, 2004

FUCK...
okay.

fuck.. i can't even type this out.
i can't deal with this death shit anymore.

there IS a reason why i don't believe in God. there is no God. if there was a God, he wouldn't let 19 year olds die. he wouldn't let a 19 year old who have struggled and fought so much just go. and don't even tell me there's a fuckin purpose for him to go..

fuck.. i can't deal with religion either. fuck religion.

i want to be in toronto right now. but there is nothing i can do. why the hell can't i do anything?!



I LOVE YOU AARON....

yiay i have a hot costume! all i need now is to spray paint my wings, and i'm good to go. :D

anyway... ryan hasn't called back, and i don't feel like going out in the rain again... so i think i'm gonna be a loser tonight and stay in and do my theory assignment. haha. i'm such a nurd.

justin needs to give me something still........

***

wow, jon actually called me tonight, from the bar he was at. that was quite unexpected... but i'm glad he did. :)

i don't want to sound conceited or anything, but my painting is actually looking pretty damn cool. i guess it's becuz i've been looking at the waaayyy unfinished version for like, over a month, that any change is a big change. and just in the last two days, today and last night, i've worked on it for pretty much 7 hours, and a LOT of change has taken place. :D sorry, i'm just feeling really great about it. i don't think i've ever done a piece like this, besides the rose back in gr.12, where i get to make AAALLLL the rules, and the result is pretty decent. i admit, this one right now doesn't look tooo much like what i originally had in mind, but meh, i'm in a different mood everytime i'm at the easle, so... yeah!

anyways... my room's filled with the smell of paint and turpentine. mm.. yummy.
***

okay i took my pics out.. dammit, they didn't work. oh well.

omg, tomorrow... TGIF. seriously. i never say that. but i'm saying it now. TGI fuckin F, yo.

i don't think i'll be talking to jon all weekend. which is pretty sad... goddammit.

what i'm missing on friday when i'm partying with ryan:

LAURA-ANNE AND DAMIEN'S SEANCE! AHHHHHHHHH!!! crap.. i wanna participate in a frickin seance... but i don't really feel like bussing all the way back to toronto.. and besides, i wanna hang out with ryan anyways. haven't seen him since.... sarah lawton's party. muahaaha. but still. i'll tell laura-anne to hold another one soon.

talked to jon... told him about the one month thing.. apparently, he knows and that got me even more pissed off... cuz he knows and still does nothing about it. i hate guys like that. haha funny story: i told emilia about it and she's like "go fuck jon and then fuck ______ then see who's better." haha oh man.. hilarious. well... whatever. we'll see what happens.

painted for 4 hours tonight. it was so great. i love painting. it's such a stress reliever for me. i need to relieve some stress. hahaha i love how fran thought i was deep cuz i was telling her the colours for my butterfly. lol... it made me laugh... cuz i know i am. :D yiay for me! it (the painting) is actually coming along pretty nicely. im pretty happy with the progress. it still needs more work, of course... but all in due time. i missed the smell of turpentine. ahhhh.... but now my whole room smells like turpentine and paint. bleugh...

speaking of painting.... WLU is apparently cancelling the Fine Arts program. omg!! even tho i'm not in fine arts,it's still a tragedy! oh man... i LOVE art... dammn.. now i won't be able to quit music and do art at Laurier... not that i want to, but.... just in case.

and just for the record, i barely did any work this week so far. i'm still pooped from studying for the psych exam. and i failed skills. go skills. fuckin Vandenberg...
omg.. haha... today in theory, we started talking about McKittrick, cuz i had to ask my teacher about something... and then i called mckittrick "mckittrick" to my teacher... and then i was like "err... i mean.... MR. McKittrick..." and then my teacher was like "no, it's jimmy." and then i was like "what? no it's not! his name is cam! but i call him mckittrick.." and then my teacher laughed. hahaha... (shut up, fran... there WAS a point to that story)

anyways.. yeah.. i gotta start homework now.

RyRy's coming to loo on friday!! omg... i'm so excited. par-tay! we must drink together. :D oohhh man.. i can't wait! eeeee so excited!

i think i'm going to delay my going to Guelph til saturday. muhahaha.. i'll be there for le party chez carmen and nique's though. omg.. 3 parties for each night of the weekend... oh man... it's gonna be great!

4 hours sleep last night. bleugh so tired...

um... i was gonna post something... but i forgot what.
dammit.
it's almost november 1st. damn...
umm...
wow, so apparenty, more people read this shit more than i know. how weird is that? people are actually interested about my life. ha. i'm such a loser. (i can see paul nodding enthusiastically)

so i guess warren reads my blog now. haha hi warren! yes i wrote about u, don't u feel special? ha.

anyways... ummmm.... fuck, i went to visit some history today. and november 15 is coming up pretty fast. one year, eh.
i mean.... not that it really fuckin matters. just a little reminder... as to not lose myself in the bustle of the busy life of a university student.(sarcastic laugh)

ahh.. i'm feeling like such a bitch right now. i think i have mood swings.

where the hell is justin when i actually have to talk to him?
and where is jon?
my head hurts. so does my throat. and so does my heart.

i'm so allergic to my house... seriously. bleugh

went to Malabar yesterday, this really nice costume store dt, but i couldn't find what i needed so...meh. stc didn't have my size for corsets either, it was disappointing. i was even willing to pay 50$ for it. but then i talked to suvina, and she gave me the idea to find one on ebay, and she actually found them for me, and now i'm bidding. oh man... this one she found, it's soooo nice. :D

anyway. i went out with frances and paul yesterday. fun! barcode's not that bad, but... meh. i know better places. when i dropped frances off, we chilled a bit and then she told me some shocking news... i was like "um.. WHAT?! what..i-i'm.. confused...what?!" anyway... i called eric when i got home and asked him about it becuz frances said he might know about it, but he wasn't even sure if it was real or not.... and then we ended up talking on the phone for like, prety much 3 hours. haha! it was awesome.. we haven't really talked like that in a while, so it was nice.

oh! and i made my flower crown! it's puuurrdy! :D
anywho..um... i'll post more later.

HI SHAN! HI FRAN! you just came upstaires, and now im gonna blog.

so me fran and shannon just "bonded" tonight. it was quite the chat, i must say. a lot of topics were covered. and i told them about my freak incident. NOT COOL. that's all i have to say. um... and shannon's still in denial. muahaha

hmm... so carmen and i were talking and she invited to me guelph next weekend for her halloween party... i wanna gooo but i really need a costume. um, i need black wings and a flower crown. carm suggested that we make it, but i have no time to, so... i dunno. and i still have to go to kat's par-tay. so...we'll see. i dunno if i can do two parties in one weekend.

omg... im sooo glad it's the weekend. this week has FINALLY come to an end. ooooh my gaaawwwdd.. i remember shannon was saying how she hasn't seen me in like, a week. haha! aww... well, i was pretty much either in class or in the library. ahhh.. heheh.

anyways...to sum up, tonight was depressing. i love you frances. hold your head up... you'll make it through. :)

whoo i did my psych exam. what a relief. but i wouldn't be surprised if i failed. oh whatever. i really don't care about it. almost fell asleep within the first 15 minutes. whoops.

first rehersal for Evan's orchestra today- it went really well! except guess who i'm sitting with? argghh... and Ni's in it too... gawd.. she pisses me off.

no one's home. this really sucks. and i can't even hang out with Warren either, cuz he's at home in Toronto. boooourns. i still have Amber.. :) maybe i'll go pick a movie and watch it. or maybe i'll call Jon... haven't talked to him in a while...

just got home from a nice long walk and talk with warren.
i know i don't have a lot of real friends in waterloo, but honest to god, the ones i have are such precious gems. i'm soooo grateful to warren, honestly. he's the bestestest. we had a really nice talk. he better treat amy right... or else. don't fuck around this time... and your "tendencies"... haha. i'm happy for him though. amy's an awesome person. :D told him about.... my incident. it was so horrible. he thinks _______ is a bastard now too. good, cuz he is. anyway.. then we went to macdonnel village cuz i was hungry and pizza was closed. mmmm... chicken fingers... haha.

anyway.. so yeah, it was a good night. :) and no skills tomorrow! yiay. but psych exam is tomorrow. shit fuck i'm so screwed for that.
meh...

oh my gawd...
can't believe what the hell i just did.
fuccckkk... it was sooooo not cool, so not worth it, and i feel guilty as hell.

ok someone please just give me a good slap across the face next time i go out late for no apparent reason.

whoo... break time from friggin studying...

so,

1. theory exam went really well... didn't get it back yet.

2. some bad phone calls with boy... been thinking a lot about... stuff. what ian said.

3. i think i flunked the skills exam. really.

4. too much psych... the library has conditioned me to be tired. seriously... just going in the library... argh. tihs means i'm spending too much time there.

5. brain cramps from too much reading....

6. orchestra fuckin SUCKED today... my respect for paul flew out the window today. excuses for not wanting me to play the fuckin Bartok. fuck...

7. two hours wasted

8. ok, so according to The Cord, that i read today, Ryan Driscoll's in the hospital! wow.. but honestly, i'm not really that surprised, he is the kind of guy who would get into fights too. but still... wow.. i lived with Ryan last year... he was one unit below me. no offense, but he was an asshole sometimes. anyway...

ok i'm done posting.

wow... i am SO tired and out of it right now. i have an exam at 12:30. fuuuuuck.

so last night we went out to huther's cuz it's tradition to go to huther's after an orchestra performance. some points:

- pool with andres and caitlan fun!
- interesting discussions with kat
- grasshopper martini in a regular cup...huh?!
- i kicked dan's arse! lol....he's hilarious
- thanks for the smoke, eric, kat, mike z, and justin
- ian bought me a tequila shot
- dan bought me a zambouka...or however its spelled. we did it together. he wanted me drunk. ha! it was smooth, but i hate black licroice
- ian and i got home at 2... justin was supposed to come over, but i called him and he was eating... said wait half an hour... but never showed up, that bastard.
- ian fell asleep on the couch
- i went to bed at 4. fuckers.. i didn't want justin to walk in our door and find both ian and me sleeping. but he never showed up.

- skills this morning was fucking BRUTAL, omg. i'm gonna explode at justin if i see him today... fuck...

***

so dissapointed..... so fucking disappointed. thank YOU so much for making my night so fucking great.... or did you not get that either?

i stole tihs from Margo's xanga cuz i'm bored....

Firsts:

Pet: my turtles

Drink: Carmen gave me Jamaican rum and coke, at Nique's b-day party a couple of years ago

Friend: believe it or not.. my first best friend was De-Ying

Funeral: some person i didn't know

Boyfriend: ...Kevin?

Kiss: muahaha Matty

Breakup: Kevin

Wedding: i don't really remember any before my cousin Ken's...

Move: in 1988 when i became an immigrant (a FOP!)

School: White Haven

Teacher: i dunno... some woman in hong kong i have no recollection of. it was preschool

Job: my dad's office

Smoke: in May, 2004





Lasts:

Pet: Amber, my dwarf bunny

Drink: a tequila shot last night at guelph for Jordan's 19th birthday!

Funeral: my uncle's.... last saturday.

Boyfriend: Jonathan

Kiss: Jon... in toronto (damn school... exams...)

Breakup: Matty

Wedding: my cousin Henry's, in September

Move: late august, when i moved into my house in waterloo

School: WLU

Teacher: i just had orchestra... Paul Pulford.. yiay! i'm getting drunk with Paul tomorrow at Huther's! i love drinking with my teachers!

Job: my dad's office

Smoke: Carmen's birthday... last sunday

what? it's saturday? are u sure?

went to guelph last night, chilled with jordan, kevin and jordan's RA friends. they're sooo much fun! pre-drank (everyone but me and kevin)in the boardroom, matt's hilarious laugh (omg.. i thought i was gonna die, it was sooooo funny!) and ..jamie (apparently, he hasn't come out yet) was awesome to be with. he's so much fun!! and.. krystal, jordan's beeyotch,um... and some other people. haha. then we went to this classy bar called e-bar, and it was actually really nice there. met tim, this HOT HOT bi dude. omg.. he is sooo much fun to be with, i swear. haha! kevin got me this drink called the melonade. haha it was good. then i had a grasshopper. mmm... mint chocolate chip... SO GOOD! SOOOOO GOOD!! so good? SOOOOO GOOOOOD!!! lol (wait, what are we "so good"ing about? LOL) jokes jokes! we danced, CARMEN AND NIQUE AND ELLIOT!!!! OH MY GAWD!!!!! i stopped counting how many shots jordan did after like...the 5th. but i think he had 5 of tequila ALONE. a couple of Jacks, and some other stuff... TONS of martinis. omg... mm... chocolate martinis! cherry stem knots! the freaky man in the corner with his drink just standing there watching everyone dance... *shiver* we pretty much got kicked out becuz we stayed til 3, which is the time they close. lol... me and tim! oh yeah baby... i gotta say... i love gay men!! too much fun to be with. i think i must go back to guelph again. guelphies are cool. aha ahaha ha ha heh heh heh heh!! (trying to imitate matt's laugh) *holding a microphone* what?!

ohhhhh good times.
i got back, seriously... at 2:20 this afternoon. cutting it damn close... haha.. orchestra rehersal at 2:30. so tiring! went to warren's to studying, but after a couple hours, just ended up watching this REALLY fucked up movie with his roomies. oh my gawd.... i just got home like 10 minutes ago, and i'm still scared. warren's going to sing k with his roomies and friends, and he gonna call me when he get back, cuz i'm insecure. lol... his roomie was like "you can come over and play cards with us when we get back!" so... i might. if i'm still awake.

jon and me playing phone tag... not fun. :( where is that boy???

i hate how i'm starting to not be able to do homework at home anymore. argh.

so i've been working non stop since 4 today. yeeaaa... orchestra two hours, then i went home to get my rep and back to the practise rooms i go for another hour and a half. i came home, cooked dinner, and then warren msged me to go to the library, so he came over and i ate a bit then went to the library for two and a half hours. and yes, i actually did study for the full 2.5 hours. i was so into it that i didn't notice that warren left TWICE. haha oops. well, anyway, after that, we went to find warren's roomie and amy, this piano girl from school, and we all went to my house to hang out for a bit. this is like midnight now..haha... but then warren's roomie got really allergic to amber so then they left. bleugh. and it's been an hour and i haven't done any work. shiiiiiit. got play and sing tomorrow. i'm sooo screwed. but whatever. dress rehersal for orchestra. whoo hoo. i'm so excited for that! (the performance)

... umm... oh yeah! and warren approves. :D and he's proud of me. hehehe! warren was like "now you're all giddy and happy!" and i was like "yup! of course!" :D

anyways... i better keep goin' at it with my play & sing.... and get some sleep for another fuckin Vandenberg's class.... fuckin skills...

sooo...
um.
1. intensive week... it hasn't been that intensive so far... or anywhere near. i want a hickey from my violin.

2. a little bit speechless... something that happens after i get pissed off at... people.

3. i miss my boy. :( not gonna see him for another.... month? fuckin...school.... exams... i need a car.

4. jordan's birthday on friday... crossing fingers for a ride from kevin's twuck.

5. i have three exams next week. i'm so screwed.

um... anyways.. oh yeah. i'm gonna go now, cuz life's a bitch and i feel like shit.

mmm...

i know this is a bit late, but...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARMEN AND MIKE!!!!

omg... ballroom was so much fun, guys.. i missed seeing everyone... i met a matt!! he goes to aci, toooo and good times in the car- me, carmen, ronell, kate, jesse and matt.
it was sooooo great seeing everyone again, really. we must do this more often. jordan's birthday is coming up. PARTY IN GUELPH! PARTY IN GUELPH!!

jon couldn't make it, i was sad. maybe another time.

***

must plan another excursion to london soon... with my partner in crime.. muahaha

today was... interesting.
i can't say it was awesome, because it wasn't, and i can't say it sucked because it didn't.

i went to my uncle's funeral today. t'was the most depressing thing ever. everyone was cryng. (except like, maybe my brother and some cousins, and the kids) anyway... shit... one kinda freaky part was when we had to take a flower from the basket and place it on him in the coffin. i was a bit nervous. but shit... when my aunt and cousins (his wife and kids) put flowers in the coffin, and my aunt was crying so much. it was so fuckin sad, omg... and the other saddest part was when the funeral workng people made this big scene of closing the coffin. hooooolllyyy shit. i cried sooo much, and so did everyone else.
then we all went to this other little chapel place where the pastor said something, and they went into this little room where my uncle was to be cremated. but he's not cremated yet.. i think it's gonna happen next week. after that, we went to this Chinese restaurant and had lunch. the mood brightened up a bit, and all was good. kinda.

after lunch, went home, got ready, i went to stc to get some stuff, AND i FINALLY got the harry p. lamppost! omg, it's beautiful. oh, also got new jewellery for my piercing. mainly for a shorter post, but then i also got a spike cuz they don't sell posts by themselves. after that, i picked jonathan up and went to frances' house to chill. changed my piercing, hung out a bit, then went to pick up air-ick. we were waiting for him for soooo long! and it was cold outside. but it was all good. jon pushed frances in a shopping cart. haha! i tried to take a picture of it, but my damn camera kept shaking. eric finally came out a little after 8, and we headed back down for KBBQ, where bumped into ebonnie, my old manager at cultures. it was cool seeing her there, and her daughter too. shit.. i feel so bad.. i forgot her name. jon was like, "is her namne ivory?" haha... dinner was awesome, and we went to timmy ho's after, cuz had to spend my funeral dollar. so we chilled at timmy ho's for a bit, then drove everyone home.

i'm really tired now... long day. but was a lovely night.

***

OMG! i remember ebonnie's daughter's name!! it's rachel! yiiiaayyy.. hahha useless information.

this isn't even funny anymore.
i love the M.T class and Ruth sharing her stories from Sick Kids, but i don't know if i can handle all the dying kids. especially at Sick Kids. i feel for them, i really do.

maybe i'm just not right for this career. whatever the fuck.. i'm gonna do it. i'm so out of it today. argh. someone bring me back into the real world.

tomorrow can't come fast enough.

***

i'm ready and i wanna get inked soon. anyone interested in coming with me?

yes? leave a comment or call me.

oh yeah... too many birthdays so i'll just do this all at once:

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY to:

Kevin (sorry, i missed his in September)
Kelvin (yesterday)
Yutat (today)
Lydia (tomorrow i think?)
Carmen (10th)
Mikey (10th)
Christine (10th)
Adrian Wong (haven't seen him in sooooo long) (31st)

it was about 6:30 when it hit all of a sudden...when i was watching a show about volcanos on tv. thanks to paul for calling me back right when i was gonna go practise... no go at KBBQ but he made me feel better.

so this is what it feels like.

i don't know if i have the willpower to go see him on friday night... and then again on saturday morning. for fuck's sake.. i hate funerals.

well, i'm done here.

***

that concert was good.
dwight-el-plix!

so im in the library now. i have orchestra in a little bit. just got new fuckin music. grr.. intensive week hasn't even started and we're already playing stuff for the next concert. paul is hardcore. oh well.

jon called me last night. :D shannon and fran were all like shrieking and giggling. lol honestly...

i found out today that my uncle passed away. well, he had cancer. but still... i never had someone i actually KNOW pass away. and the last time i saw him was pretty recent too... like, two weeks ago.

i can't wait to go home. two more days... ahh! and i have to go to my uncle's funeral. i'll admit, i'm kinda nervous about seeing him lying there in that coffin.

anyway... time for orchestra.

- saw keziah today! i just finished my MT class, and i was heading home, and keziah came in the door, it was so surprising! i was like "omg! what are u doing here?" nad she's like "i go here!" and i'm like "omg!!" haha we chatted for like a minute, but then she had class, so then i went home.

- music @ noon was awesome today! REALLY good compared to the last two weeks. our whole house was there! *tear* so loving...haha! well, i got there first and i sat with joni. well, i sat on his imaginary friend, and i squashed him. sorry. i tried saving shannon a seat, but couldn't, and when shannon came in with yena, i ditched joni. boooourns. i was like "shannon! didn't you SEE who i was sitting with?!" haha oh well. whatever.

- i just finished my aurelia. yiiiaayy.. oh, reminds me, i gotta print out the play nad sing. i think my handwritten copy is wrong. fuckin play and sing. i can't play....and sing for shit.

hm... so blogger decides to work now. fuckers...

anyways! i was gonna post about my weekend last night, but my damn internet doesn't work AGAIN. fuckin rogers... jacob should jumpkick them to hell. haha!

okay.. so friday, i missed my 5:30 greyhound to london. i was sooo pissed off. i had to wait like 40 minutes for the next bus. and then the ride was soooo long and brutal. i was pissed off. i got off the bus and had no idea where i was. i called jon and him and one of his roommates, mike picked me up (cuz mike has a car). we went home, and i met almost all of his roommates (except jacob)and some of his friends. hung out and they pre-drank til about 10:30 then went clubbing. yiiiaayy... i actually got in and STAYED in. fuckin right.. i'm proud of myself! jon bought me a drink at the club. it was actually pretty good. but i decided to stay sober. the club was really nice, and sooo packed. mike got quite drunk, and for a while, our big group got separated and we lost them. sat on the comfy couches and chatted about stuff. jon and i went home first cuz i was sooo tired. when we got home, jacob came home and i got to meet him. suuper nice guy. and other stuff happened.

saturday- got up kinda early.. didn't wanna wake anyone up, so i was kinda bored, waiting for everyone to get up. hung around the house, jon and mike made chicken wings (for breakfast) then we all went grocery shopping. jacob's violent! but so am i, so it's okay. they all spent like a total of $130 on alcohol. subway's for lunch, then grocery shopping. came home... chilled, and then we all wnet to the King's college campus, and they plyed soccer. it was freezing! but pretty fun. but then i was a spectator, but it was still cool. jacob smashed jon to the ground. haha! and then they had a huge male orgy.

just kidding!

anyways... jon showed me around king's, and it looks kinda like a highschool. oh well. when we came back, jon's roommate johanne's gf katie was there. she's so cute. haha! we went to her rez so she could pick up some stuff, then headed home. their friends came over, and le party began. sooo much drinking... not on my part tho. jacob got sooo drunk, it was hilarious. he's such an irony to himself. anyways, jon got drunk and went to sleep, so everyone partied without him, because he refused to get up. i was a little bit disappointed, but meh. met this other girl amanda, who's also a very cool girl. she helped jacob all night, so sweet. how many times did he say fuck, and how many people did he jumpkick and send to hell? haha! hilarious. omg. he kept apologizing and asking why he's swearing so much, he has to be a gentleman. (he IS a gentleman...for fuck's sake!) aww.. chomper, mike's dinosaur got a lot of action that night. he's a dinosaur whore. me, mike, katie, and amanda stayed up til like 5:15am ... so much fun. ate pizza cuz we were starving. mm... it was sooo good. then we went to bed.

sunday- jon and i got up early so he could go play vball with michael landell (yes, the choirboy from ACI). so they played against these other two guys, who raped them. hahaha. no offense or anything... their opponents were really good. i spectated. they finished playing and we went home. most people were awake by then. the four guys were in the basement where jacob's room was and they were like spilling all the details of the night before. me, katie nad amanda were upstaires and just laughed at how they have to share EVERYTHING with each other. it was actually really cute. haha! aww. and when everyone was awake we all made soup. aww... we were all sitting around chatting and eating soup. and then we watched a movie, and i fell asleep near the end cuz i was sooooo tired. i think katie fell asleep for a little bit too. after the movie, i started getting ready to go to the bus station. aww.. i didn't really wanna leave, but meh. jacob was still apologising. ha! jon came with me to greyhound. shady people at Tim Horton's.. eek.

when i got home. my house was freezing and there was so internet. shannon bitched at the Roger's guy, and i broke our kitchen window because it was stuck open and i tried hammering it down. it was all rage, i'll tell ya! i was so cold... we tried turning on the heat and the fuckin fire alarm went off. so pissed. anyways... school-wise.. i feel like i'm so behind. it sucks. i hate skills.

***

the people in the past all seem so childish all of a sudden...

1. my lesson today rocked. i have new rep! yiay Bach!

2. jesum crow (happy shannon?), i HATE macgamut!!! thanks trace for helping me with rhythm!

3. omg, i went to conestoga today to pick up my pictures! omg... pictures from sooooo long ago. like, i had some pics from the end of last school year. with kiel and clayton. omg. and pics from em's birthday, spring concert at ACI (omg, guess which bitch is in one of them. fuck!), dinner with china group people, andrew abela's party, and nique's party!!! omg.. those were lovely pics.. hahaha laura-anne with my violin was hilarrrrious. haha me and mike look hot together. rawr! u know it. mark and maggie on the couch, em and her rain maker, and elliot and his bone drumstick. pictures also from my cousin's wedding.. awwww...

4. expolding and venting at shannon about how much i hate vandenberg and how he is such a bastard AND a horrible teacher.

5. oh my gawd... omg! going to london tomorrow! yiiiaayyy!! i've decided that i'm going to bring clothes. jon was like "yes that would be a good thing... but it's okay if you don't bring them too!" haha and i was like "weeeelll... i said i'll bring them but no one said i'm gonna wear them!" hahaha! hilarious.

6. ok bed time. skills tomorrow. dammmiiiitttt! i hate skills. fuck, i'm already failing. stupid vandenberg. honest to god....

1. skills was soooo horrible today. omg. jess was hilarious. she was so pissed off at vandenberg, she told him off. lol!

2. i actually did some productive practising today. i'm so proud of myself. i must practise more.

3. finished all the macfuckit except for rhythm.

4. macfuckit? i meant macgamut. sorry. macgamut is my man. if there is ever a computer program that i would marry, it'd be macgamut. he's hot and sexy. rawr.

5. M.A luau was fun! i was all dressed up too. i got leis! yeeeeaaaa.. damn straight. i looked hot. but not as hot an ian.


oh wait! i am hotter than ian! my bad!
OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!

6. i love amber, but she's gotta stop shedding. plah! plah!

7. i just found out that ellen is gay. i love ellen. she's my favouritest dory. it was just surprising, is all.

8. i have a lesson tomorrow. yiay. i gotta sleep. and it's before 12:30! oh yeah baby...

u know what i just realized?
i started my last three posts with wow. ha. and i'm also starting to realize i swear like there's no tomorrow. i should probably tone it down a bit.

anyways.. the best, and only good part of the day: warren came over to visit me! :D yes, he actually called me, unlike some guys i know, goddammit. anyways, he lives like, literally around the corner. he tried to fix my fucked up computer, but it didn't work. oh well. haha tracy didn't recognize him. warren was like "hey tracy! remember me? michael jang's friend?" and tracy had this confused look on her face, then "oh yeah!! oh.. sorry!" hahaa hilarious. then i went over to warren's house. it was cool. it's sooo big! well compared to my house. it's a bit older than our's though... but their kitchen was nice and clean, and more counters. his second floor is like our's, slanted ceilings and attic doors, only the rooms are smaller. very cool. warren and i had this chat... and it was an eye opener. *shakes head* oh warren... i didn't know he was that kind of person... tsk tsk. well, e for effort. and brought up history.

anyways... we actually had a house meeting this evening. it went...... umm..... well. *ahem*.

anyways.. the song RyRy Gong recommended me is awesome! One- by Metallica. good upbeat music for all occasions... even sleeping.

4 days til London. eeee!! i'm gonna par-tay like a Western-er!

WOW... what a fucked up skills class. i can't stress how much i don't like Vandenberg. like..OMG! so he was taking attendance today,and he didn't call out some people's names (cuz he knows some already). but james was like, "did u call my name?" and dave (vandenberg...dave has less letters) was like "what's your name?" and james is like "James moat..." and dave looks at his attendance list and says "oh! james moat... i haven't seen you in a while, so i just assumed you were absent... okay i marked you here now!" OH MY GAWD. what a fuckin loser. and then for no reason, he makes me and some other people do solo melodies and rhythms for him after class, but it ended up with everyone doing the same rhythm. like, wtf? i didn't even get to prepare.
oh my gawd... this class is so messed up. and with the ta ka di mi shit... argh. honestly, he can be cute and nerdy, but he can't teach for shit.

and that is my rant. i have to do theory homework now.

wow.. what a fucked up day of laziness and sitting around. my parents came up and visited, and bought me groceries. yiay. free groceries rock.

honest to fuckin god... don't tell me you're gonna call me if you weren't planning on doing so, you motherfucker.
gawd... i can't stand people like that.

***

a haha. just talked to warren. boys suck. he asked me why, and i told him the above statement. and he laughed and said yes, it's true.
damn boys. he said he'll give me a call tomorrow. i bet he won't. but we'll see tomorrow. we will see.

anyways. bedtime.

wow. okay so yesterday sucked.
the only good part of the day was when jon (from western) called me up and told me he was gonna visit me. yiay! but then he was visiting his brother first, so i had to wait like 3 hours. but then he got here and it was a good chat. i think im gonna go up to london next weekend to visit him. funnn... and hopefully i'll bump into the other many ACI people there- jen, yuen, snat?

i went to laura's recital too, it was pretty good. had good chats with lorrina. she's a freakin awesome violinist. she plays in a band and does loooots of gigs. when i came back from the recital, everyone was upstaires and they were getting ready to go out. yiay. i was excited.. never been to louie's before. so i hung around, eventually changed, did a couple of shots, called timmy and justin up, and we were on our way. and to make a long story short, i got kicked out right when we got in and i went home. and i felt like shit. and i felt so bad cuz timmy couldn't come out afterall, and neither could justin, and he was all ready to leave too. he might've went, i dunno...but anyways...next time, PLEASE don't let me drink. i can't stand it anymore.

anyways... i have to go now and clean my house... again.

today, shannon and i read on our porch while ian and dan went to the bead bazaar. but i think we did more talking than reading. a ha. a ha (think of fran). so yeah... shannon and i sat on our porch and talked about boooooyyysss. tee hee! joni glidden? mmm... orgasmic. especially in a suit. rawr. tee hee and lucas! shhh... :D i got to stand beside him in skills today when we sang that melody! it was fun! yiay skills!! (vandenberg sucks at teaching, btw). and i need to meet "hot nathan". he's supposed to be hot. *shrug*.. and we talked about jon, that first year in my theory class! haha awww... he didn't sit with me today. :( booourns. haha i think fran likes hiiim. oooooohhh!!! lol... don't you, fran? :D

anyways, omg, and shannon and i talked about walkerton. it was soooo hilarious. she drew me the map of walkerton. lol. i now know where the 4 traffic lights are! oh yeah... and chad is coming up to loo tonight and we're going to Wilf's! yiay! i haven't been to wilf's since it got renovated this past summer. it looks really nice from outside though.

and last night... many thanks to my fran for cheering me up! *heart!* and YES, i DO suck at the violin. for fuck's sake! i think i'm gonna have a mental breakdown if i keep this up.

jesum crow!
omg, that's bi.

***

i miss you.

me so hot!

shannon and i sat outside and studied today, it was fun! and then the sun ran away from us. boooourns. orchestra was actually fun today! the Brahms piece rocks (!) despite all the hard, fast parts. omg, i love our whole program for the first concert! the piano concerto's awesome, yiay amy lim! and joel's oboe piece sounds great too! im so excited! AND!!! BEETHOVEN SYMPHONY #6, BABY!! YEEEAAAHHH!!!

** SUNDAY, OCTOBER 17TH @ 3PM **

i still hate sitting with mike mc cleery. god dammit! btw, he SUCKED in masterclass yesterday. ugh.

theory was pretty good today. i talked with jon more- he's a cool first year, in my theory class. i have a feeling he's not straight though (not that it matters). he reminds me of jon, jordan's friend from AMC. hmmm?? i think he's going to be my theory buddy. he's good at theory. i'm gonna rape his theory skills. :P

im actually going to go to the gym tonight! yiay! i made ian drag me, so he's dragging me. :D speaking of ian... omg, his bass is SO LOUD, dammit! oh well.. at least he's playing good music.

*note to self: do skills and look over theory assignment before sleep.

yes i am actually posting.
oooooh aaaahhhh

ok well, first it was becuz i had no internet, then it was because i just was REALLY busy and had no time to post, and now... im still busy, but it's mainly cuz im lazy.

no, really... school has taken up a lot of my time. i'm actually working hard this year. *gasp!* yes... im on top of pretty much all my readings. (everything but psych)

went home on the weekend. my cousin henry's wedding. it was...hmm... lovely, yet kind of disorganized. i mean.. they kissed before they were pronounced husband and wife. hmm?? the entire thing took place at Eagle Nest Golf Club, and during the wedding, people were golfing. we were outside taking pictures, and tihs one golf ball rolled really close to us. and then you could hear people cheering up in the balconies. and then another rolled rolled into the lake. that was funny! anywhoo.. omg, hana michael and david were there! it was lovely! i missed mike. *sniff* he travelled all the way from california. (cuz he goes to UCLA)... anyways... yeah. it was fun! free drinks! but they used absolute as the choice of vodka, and it was narsty. we waited and chilled at the golf club til dinner, and to be honest... it wasn't that great. my table: me, my brother, denny and henry, michael david hana, and this other cousin of henry (the groom's), andy. it was pretty fun. we were sooo hungry, and waited long time for food to come. at one point, michael was like "okay, i'm ready for my next course...." hahah! hilarious. and david... oh my little davey.. so cute and grown up now. hahaa. henry(the groom) and lien wasn't very compromising to the games though, which really sucked. there weren't good sports. *grumble* oh well. the most MOST MOST special part of the night was when henry announced that his father was getting tired and he's gonna go home now (he has cancer, and the wedding was pushed up in case he couldn't wait that long... you know.). but before he goes home, he's gonna sing him a song. and it was so beautiful. the first person i saw crying was amber, actually (amber, my cousin....not my bunny). and then i looked over, and the father, in his wheelchair, was crying, and the mother was crying, and pretty much half the guests were all crying. it was so beautiful. apparently, after he left, henry was crying hysterically in the bathroom. my dad was there. *SIGH*...

but anyways...

the rest of the night was kinda fun, i guess. but... meh. us cousins went over to henry and lien's table to congratulate them. it was a lovely moment, cuz everyone was watching us too. the DJ SUCKED though. me and hana went up to him and said "um... could you play some good songs?" haha! good times. lots of awesome pictures taken.

came back to loo sunday.. and another week begins.

***

as i'm sitting here,i realize that this year is pretty much like last year, all over again. only, my house is a little bigger, a little messier, and i have more work. this sucks.

okay so here's the dish y'all:

KALAN PORTER IS THE ONE AND ONLY CANADIAN IDOL!!!! YYYIIIAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!

omg..... you have NO idea... i'm soooo happy right now. i wanted to cry for him. he's such a sweet sweet child. and he's sooooo cute! he's only 18!! *clutches heart in admiration*




on the other hand... no party at beth's. i'm disappointed. no par-taying with mr. abela either. i'm sad.


story of the day: i was in the library photocopying the homework outline for the theory assignment, nad who walks by but mr. CAM MCKITTRICK? and he talked to me. and he actually remembers my name. it was so hilarious. he's like "how's it going?" and i'm like "i'm good... i'm doing theory...cuz i failed last year." and he goes "uh-huh...how is that? can u find the music?" and i was like "yeah.. it's going good.." and then he nods and walks away. i felt so stupid telling him i failed...becuz he was my prof last year, so...meh. and then i spent like 3 and a half hours doing the theory assignment. go me. ok anyways.. i gots to go. thanks to ian's lovely internet, which i still don't have.

i love reliable internet.
unfortunately, the internet i have (had) at home is NOT reliable. yiay for school computers.

fran bought me ice cream. mmm... yummy. but then again, i killed a huge mosquito for her. AND i flushed it. so...yeah.

read a couple of xangas.. oh, i love knowing what's happening back in good ol' scarberia. mikey: don't worry... there are asshole's out there, but i don't think ramy is one of them.
........ but i probably wouldn't know as much as you. so... *hug* you go get em, cowboy.

oh! and the point of this post:

SUPPORT KALAN PORTER: THE TRUE CANADIAN IDOL!!!

points to ponder:

- what a coincidence to have ruth roberts, the music therapist i visited at sick kids during the summer to actually be my music therapy teacher. i was sorely disappointed that she did not remember me. she called me amy.

- two roommates... one always on top of the other. people who can't control their raging hormones piss me off.

- too tired of cleaning up after everyone still. oh, you're reading? well, SO AM I!

- party at bethany dorothy's tomorrow. drinking or no drinking?

- can't wait til the weekend.

- i still want a lexus. a nice black one, if you don't mind. $200 tops.

- speaking of lexuses... alexis' dad (joseph petric) is playing at the noon concert at my school next week! it's gonna be good.

- i have to continue reading... argh music therapy's lots of work.

francine made me garlic bread. it's fucking delicious! mmm... haop! i love my fran!

oh, and i never thought i'd say this, but after listening to the harry potter theme song 5, maybe 6 times over, it's starting to get annoying.

whoo im on ian's computer cuz our internet sucks so we took out the router.

class rocked today. i have vandenberg for skills! he's so cute! haha! it's gonna be a fun year. theory SUCKS. i don't have mckittrick, thank god. i have this new guy named scott amort. *shrug*.. he looks like marius, only a bit older, and no glasses. speaking of marius, he got married this summer! awwww... too cute. oh yeah... pam's in my thoery class. who would've thought? justin's in mckittrick's class. haha too bad. orchestra lasted all of 10 minutes today, and i was late too becuz i have a lesson right before, and it went over time a bit. meh. dwight's in orchestra! haha! yiiiaayyy! he's hilarious.

oh! highlight of the day: i scared ian!! omg... it was soooo perfect. lol. i love me! and tracy's going to fed tonight again. wow... she loves that place, holy shit. anywhoo... i'm outtie.

im in the basement. i've only hung out in the basement once before. it's actually really cozy down here. it's only me shannon and ian down here. tracy went home for the weekend, and fran has shinerama.

shannon and i just came back from the practise rooms. and i checked my orchestra seating. and..... yeah. i'm in the back. all the way in the back. with mike. not mike z.. just mike. again. FUCK. i went to shannon's module and started crying. i don't practise and i'm in the back. i practise like a motherfucker, and i'm still in the back. i've realized now that it's true, no amount of hard work will get you to the top, or even the middle, if it's something you suck at. practise will NOT get you anywhere. if you suck at something, you will always suck at it. and no, it will not get better. trust me. i've tried believing that i will get better. and i never do. that's just how life is.

well anyway, i'm done venting now. ian was commenting on how i always vent on my blog... and it's true.


on a happier note, i went shopping today! with ian, dan and karen. dan was in the same rez as ian last year, and he lives four houses down from us this year, soo... he's over quite often. anyway, we walked all the way to conestoga. it took sooo long. good workout, though. i got new clothes! im so proud of them. haha... ian got the most hilarious pants. omg... they're guy few pants! guy few is the trumpet teacher at school. he is sooooo gay. omg. it's hilarious.

anyways... okay, i'm gonna go now. and...... i dunno.. find something to do.

i found out yesterday at 3pm that i had to re-audition. because i was just that bad. fuck.... well, i headed over to the practise rooms at 3:45, and tried to practise, but i then i started crying in the practise rooms becuz all i could think of was how much i suck, and i suck SO much that the PSQ couldn't even place me in the frickin orchestra. goddammit. anyways... Liz came by my room, and started talking to me, and then helped me with my music til 5:30. it was really great. oh liz... after liz left, i practised the mozart excerpt for another hour and a half. went home and relxed ofr two hours, and headed back at 9. it was brutal. i came home, and tracy left for a while, and ian, shannon and jess and a bunch of other boys went out to the bar. i talked to paul on msn... complained of how stressed i was and how i need to practise more. i was just about to start practising in my room, and tracy came back.... with a boy! tee hee... anyways... i practised a bit, then went to sleep. tracy was like "you're seriously gonna sleep now??" and i was like "yeah? i have to get up at 7 tomorrow!" and her and her friend were like "omg!" lol.... they're so funny.
anyways... so i practised this morning, and did my audition. it went pretty well, except that that excerpt of the..... beethoven. well, i didn't really practise that, but whatever. the the mozart was good. sooo.... yeah! i'm done! shannon, ian, beth, fran and i are going out tonight! yiay! i feel like dressing up. i need to do that once in a while. oh! btw, yesterday was the worst day, since i got here... the only high point of my day was bumping into Garreck, aka Garry Siu, and chilling with him for a bit. AND i haven't seen andrew abela yet! nor tim! they're probably having lots and lots of froshie fun! lol...

omg... today was the general meeting for all the music people, and i saw marius! haha awww... i heard he's married now! ooooo! lol... omg, shannon and fran saw dwight! hahaha ohhhh dwight. i need to see him soon. haha! and i met some of the new violinists! they're cool. omgomg... and IAN MADE IT INTO ORCHESTRA!!!! YIIIAAYYYY!!!! you have NO idea how excited i am. it's gonna be soooooo much fun!! :D!!!

anyways... i probably should head back home. our internet stopped working, and i'm at school again. i was gonna pick up my orchestra rep but the music office is closed and so is the one at the library. soooo... yeah!
okay, anyways... i'm outtie.

wow. holy shit.
ok, so this is what happened:

- i moved in on saturday, ian moved in saturday, tracy moved in on sunday, went hmoe, and came back on monday. but all that is irrelavent, because....

- on sunday, i woke up bright and early to go to the practise rooms, cuz i had a lesson at 1pm. so i started practising at 10:30am. at noon, Liz and Katie came down to the practise rooms and we were just chatting and i was like "yeah, i'm glad we don't orchestra auditions!" and katie was like, "yeah we do!" and i was like "WHAT?! are u serious?! i never got the music or a scheduled audition time in the mail!" blah blah blah... so i found out i was supposed to have picked up the music at the end of the year, but the music faculty haven't mailed me a time. so this is like one hr before my lesson, and i was running home to copy katie's music. started practising it.
- my lesson at 1 was honest to god.... SOOOO BAD. omg.. i was considering just dropping out and doing art instead. like... fuck. anyways... i survived the lesson, and left... THIS close to crying. jeremy scheduled me for another lesson on tuesday. i went home, complained to ian, ate some lunch, and went back to the practise rooms for another 2 hrs of practising.
- came home, ate dinner, and left with fran to the practise rooms once more. she had to do baccus stuff, so i told her to come find me when she was done. she was done in an hour. it went by so quick. anyways...
- monday, and tuesday consisted of either practising, eating, sleeping, or the occasional movie watching with fran shan and ian. lovely. tuesday i think i did like... 5 hours of practising in total i think. yeah... i'm hardcore. ian was telling me how i'm turning into liz. haha! not that it's a bad thing.... liz is hardcore.
- my lesson on tuesday night went much better.
- my audition today SUCKED. i was sooo nervous.
- my neck is growing a rash from the metal of my chin rest. bah.. it sucks.
- i had sex with amber today, and she scratched me! owww...
- mmmm.... bunny lovin'....

- and this point is for shannon: i talked to johnny! hahaha! ohhhh man... hilarious. i'm sure you'll get your chance...*pat pat*

anyways... im getting my internet and tv tomorrow! YIAY!

think back to a time when life was simple and love was real...

anyway, tomorrow's the big day, and i can't be happier. keep in touch everyone! remember, my number is 519-888-0121, and my cell phone number is the same. now there's no excuse for not calling... unless if you're fran, shannon, ian, or tracy. have a great term, guys... this summer's been real fun. well, i still have a week, but... that's not the point. but i gotta start doing the pre-school work now. like practising my ass off. have pretty much all my goals set... and my motivation is the little baby girl who died. study hard for her...

alright.. i gotta check on my laundry. i'll post more later... or tomorrow.

oh, voters of canada, how i love thee!
just as i predicted, theresa and jason were in the bottom two...SUCKAHS! :D!! and, and jason got voted off. about damn time, sheesshhh! next to go gots to be theresa. please please!

because we all know who the real idols are. *nod*

goddammiiiittt!!
well, apparently, i'm moving on saturday now. grrr... so pissed off... frig. this really sucks.

so i went to see that movie today. it was hilarious. an experience... which i will not disclose...

anyway... em still hasn't called. cuz i called her this morning while she was on the bus and i told her to call me when she gets there so i know her bus hasn't crashed. but she hasn't called. uh-oh. but i guess she's busy arguing her head off with her advisor. muahaha.. oooooh advisor...

***

Oh. My. God. OMG! JACOB HOGGARD! I LOVE YOU!! YOU ARE MY IDOL!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!

i just got off the phone with Em not too long ago.
going to Montreal bright and early tomorrow.
fuck.. i'm gonna miss her. i hate good byes.

i hate good byes before starting university.... again.
this really sucks.

god fuckin dammit!!

why is this still going on? i can't seem to stop thinking about it.

oh my god...
i have to go.

more random stuff:

- whoo whoo 5 days!
- not feeling like Yuk Yuk's on tuesday... better call Kamla.
- went to stc today and bought more food for Amber. yiiiaayyy
- went to visit Arash at Mind Games. gonna chill with him on wednesday hopefully? i dunno if he's gonna be able to take time off work, but he txt messaged me, askin about hanging out before i leave, and he left me a number to call back, sooo... i guess i should hang out with him. hahaha
- went to Cultures today to talk to rebecca about the rest of the money she owes me. i'm probably gonna get it next week.... when i'm in Waterloo! goddammit...
- was nice chatting with Maggie again. she asked me if Mark called about his party, i said no. oh well, no big deal. i don't think Mark is a good target anyways, because i'm not a homewrecker. lol!
- gotta call Audrey to ask what's happening on friday. bah!

random shit that comes to mind:

- counting down... 6 more days in t-dot
- ian's back from camp!
- i just read Tracy's blog. i was hoping for a God-free entry, but no such luck.
- i wonder if Justin's back from Italy yet...
- Em's moving in 4 days. fuckin.... i'm gonna miss her! (and her boobs and our wild sex!)
- i've been just thinking of how much i changed within the past four months. ... a lot. *sigh*.. and there's no going back. not that i want to, of course...
- i'm suddenly really missing Loo. i wanna go back... now!
- damn.. what is Jeremy gonna say about my piercing? dammit... ah well. he'll be okay with it... hopefully. Jeremy's cool... even if he does scare me a little. (he's my violin teacher at school)
- i was telling my mom today about last night's dinner and.... just thinking... how the hell did we manage to spend like, an hour talking about toilets?! wtf were we thinking? lol... Dougie telling me all about the unwritten rules of men going to the bathroom. hahaha! and he was all serious about it too. haha! aww Doug...
- Peter was hilarious last night... "What the hell are appitizers? and this little piece of napkin?! How do they expect you to wipe your mouth with that little piece? What the... cloth napkin? don't you put those on your lap? why the hell would you wipe your mouth with something that has crumbs on it?! Chinese restaurants are so simple... you get the food, you eat the food, and you get a napkin. no questions asked." HAHAHAHA!!
- i wanna go to Loooooo

ok ok i've put off blogging a new post long enough.

but first of all, i just wanna say: i just watched Bandages on Much. oh, the memories... sweet sweet memories...

okay... so yesterday was a very action packed day. i got to HSC at 8:30, so for the full hour, i read the newspaper and finished some breakfast. 9:30, Ruth comes down and one awkward handshake was exchanged. personally, i think it was her fault, becuz, u know... bad handshake... anyway! we went up to her office, chatting about school and stuff. apparently she kinda teaches at Laurier too! anyway... we chatted about music therapy, and she showed me a handout she usually gives parents, and two other pamphlettes, and then she goes over the first handout, and i asked questions, stuff like that. then she points to the photos of the kids that she works/worked with. it was so inspirational, really. and then she showed me this one picture of this baby girl, and right when she told me she died, i swear to god... i started tearing. omg... she was so sweet. ahh... anyway.. after the pictures, she brought out an assortment of instruments. my favourite were probably the lollipop drums and the nice xylophone looking thing. such a nice sound! after playing the instruments for a bit and chatting a bit more, and another bad handshake, i left. i wanted to cry..omg... cuz i was thinking about that little baby... *sniff*

i decided to go to new tribe to get my jewellery changed, but when i got there, it was still closed. it opens at 11, so i wnet over to pizza pizza and got some... pizza.. lol. and read all the pamphlettes. after that, i went to get my jewellery changed. cost me 15$, goddammit.... oh well.

after that, i decided to go to the art gallery, becuz last time i went, it was closed, and i HAVE to go see Monet before school starts, so... yes. i called Em to see if she wanted to come too, and she agreed. so for the next hour, i wasted time, waiting for her to come. after one hour, i called, and holy crap... she was only at kennedy station. i got kinda pissed off, and walked over to HSC again to get some water. walked back to the AGO, and started lining up, cuz the line was soooo long. hafway thru, Em arrived. whoo whoo. anyway.. okay this exhibition is SOOO important that i am going to have to make a whole new subheading for it.

The Turner/Whistler/Monet Exhibition:

the first panel was already beautiful. there's something about just starting at three huge photographs of these incredible artists... chills... esp. Monet, becuz we all know that i'm there just for him. the first room was mainly Turner's work. it was really nice. very impressionistic. soft and flowy. i kinda wanted to skip it, mainly because i didn't know who he was, but i thought, 'i'll keep reading slowly... i'll get to Monet soon.' so i kept going thru everything. Em went by really fast. i didn't see much of her, which kinda pissed me off, cuz i waited pretty much an hour and a half for her, and she's not even in the same frickin room as me. anyway... Turner's paintings were really dreamy-like. trees and fog, mostly. the second room was Turner and some Whistler, who is an American who lived most of his life in France and London. Turner is an English. okay... so in the third room is pretty much all of Whistler's watercolours. they were reeeeaalllly nice! the smaller ones were so intricate, like...wow... but anyway.. regretfully, i got bored after a bit, because i still haven't seen any MONET works yet. after a couple more Turner's and Whistler's, i started seeing a bit of Monet's. hoooollyyyy crap. it's like, UNREAL, u know? after reading so many books and seeing duplicated works, this is the REAL THING. oh man.... okay, i walked into the next room, FULL of Monet works, and standing right in front of that painting of the sunset, the first actual fully Monet painting in the fully Monet room, i was overcome with emotion. imagine.... 80, 100 years ago, Monet standing in front of this very canvas, his brush creating the wonderful, incredible strokes. it's breathtaking...like... omg.. i can't even comprehend. the next painting right beside that was no different. Em came up to me at that point, and i tried explaining to her how much this meant to me, but i guess she didn't understand, cuz then she told me she finished the entire exhibition and she's gonna move on to other places in the gallery. so i said bye, and she left. i kept going, totally in awe. all the different variations of the bridge! and the parliament! oh man.... in was unreal. okay, in the next room were pretty much all the paintings of the bridge and the parliament. it was incredible. before i walked in there i was thinking 'omg... this is it...'... hahaha! anyways... i went in, and went through everything again. there was this big board, explaining Turner, Whistler and Monet's trips to Venice, and in 1908, at age 68, Monet and his wife Aice, went to Venice together. it was so beautiful, that Monet regretted not going earlier. when he got back, Monet planned on visiting Venice again soon, but never did, because Alice died not too long after, and Monet wanted to keep those lovely memories of Venice, some of the last happy moments with Alice. and on the other side of the entrace to that room was a huge photograph of Monet and Alice in Venice, feeding birds. OHMYGAWD. i looked at that picture and started crying again. it was so beautiful. Monet was a powerful lover. he loved Alice. so much that he did not even return to Venice. he fuckin loved her. *sigh*... it's beautiful.... i sat in that room, surrounded by Monet's work. it was such a powerful feeling. it was so real. i started crying again (sorry, i'm a nurd. and a crybaby). anyway... after that, i went through more paintings, skipped the Turner and Whistler ones, because after i've seen Monet, nothing else measures up. the last painting of the exhibit, was the colourful sunset of S. Georgio... or something... i forgot the exact title of it. anyways, i just sat there and started at that painting for so fuckin long. it was sooo nice. just imagining Monet sitting in Hotel Savoy... over looking the parliament, or the bridge, bidding farewell to Turner and Whistler's spirits.... *sigh*... it was like meditation, in a way. even though there were so many other people in that room, it felt like it was just me. and that painting was crying out to me. before yesterday, i didn't think much of that piece. just another Monet piece that's a bit more colourful. but now... it means so much. i'm going to buy a poster of that painting someday. for sure.

after the exhibit, i went to look at the permanant gallery, careful to avoid the henry moore sculpures. but after a little bit, i called Em, and told her i'm going home. i've seen that stuff all before. so we met up, went to eat, then headed home. but none of this matters, because the only thing that matters is that I SAW THE ORIGINAL MONET PAINTINGS. and it was worth every cent of my 15$. i wouldn't mind going again, to be honest. bought a couple of postcards, and a poster of the ad for this exhibition, to remember by. it's lovely.


and today... i worked for 8 hours, and then went to dinner with the people i went on the china trip with. lots of fun! can't wait til the next one! doug (or i think now we can call him dougie) drove me home. all in all, a great night.