i went.
i saw him. i cried. lydia gave me tissue. karen held my hand and we cried together. karen and i went to burn papers for him. my hand shook. we went up to the lounge and cried some more. karen, adrian and lydia left. me, kar kim, noaman, and kevin went back down. they left. po kit came. i held him, and i cried. he told me not to. but then he did too. i miss po kit, for real. it was such a special moment when me karen and po kit were together. no words were needed. we all knew. i love them so much. for real *heart*...

so much things sucked this weekend. i can't even put into words how much i feel like shit. maybe everyone is right. i just need some rest.

it's snowing.

***

someone please just end this.
i have problems.
i have to get over things.

take frances' darkest poetry, and that is what i feel like.
act upon impulses.

can i cut myself open?

fuck, i miss you. i hate memories that come back and haunt you.