not going home this weekend afterall. gotta go job searching. bah. and winds ensemble, and choir performances to attend. i have a duty to support my friends. lol right. anyways....

bah, jury coming up... so stressed... totally not ready! i have a Beth Anne on friday. (hahaha i think Liz and i are the only ones who actually make practises with Beth Anne a noun. "I have a Beth Anne later") anyway... yeah... Jeremy's gonna be there too, maybe. ahhh!! wish me luck. Beth Anne's office always makes me nervous.

gotta call Elena... oh man.. i really don't want to talk to her... that beeeeyotch. lol

oh! oh! International Exchange info session tonight! YAY! i wanna go away. i wanna go to The Netherlands. or Germany... either one. well, according to the exchanges paper, there's only one that's for music, and that's Germany.. ah well. Germany's cool. it's my name! lol... inside joke. but it would be sooo cool if i could go to The Netherlands. *sigh* hee hee well, we'll see. anywhooo... bah. two more days of school. counting down....

***
these are the breeds of bunnies i would like to have:


Netherland Dwarf


Polish Bunny


American Fuzzy Lop (maybe not in this colour though)


Mini Lop (again, maybe another colour)


eeee!! i want a bunny!

welp, we're done with the suicide shit. onwards to schizophrenia. i was THIIIIS close to falling asleep in it. and in religions. ... and music at noon. and masterclass. so, basically, every where i went today. soooo tired. whatever. i was considering not going to music at noon, but it's the last one of the year, and it's the Penderecki Orchestra, so i felt i had a duty to attend. bah.
brendon bought me food today, cuz i didn't have my one card, and i was hungry, and down. and i learned that he's staying for summer theory. so i'm thinking more of staying. still gotta check if emilia can live with me. i want a bunny. i want to live here.

should i go home this week? bahhh.... maybe. maybe not... maybe.


***
what a horrible night. besides my family, i have never been so angry at one person and one thing EVER. so disappointed. so hurt. and you don't even know.
bet i was a replacement for Andrea the entire time. goddammit. everything you told me before was bullshit. should've known. whatever. no point to get upset over it now. i wish you two well.

***
Thanks for letting me over Michael Jang. umm... yeah. sorry for ruining your little "movie date". hahaha whoopsie! anime was cute! and so's ______. Go for it! I'll support you. hahaha. but you gots to support me for you-know-who! *wink*
i'm outtie.

why?
why why why?
why does this always fucking happen to me?
why is there psych tomorrow?
why are we still learning about goddamn suicide?!
why am i always the one at fault?
why am i always the one getting stepped on?
why didn't i get that phone call?

they all let me down. ALL of em. why? what did i do wrong, cuz i'd REALLY like to know.

AAAHHHH!!!

YAY!!! CONGRATULATIONS TO TIM, WHO GOT INTO THE UNIVERSITY OF WATERLOO!!! WHOO-WHOO!!!!

(still waiting for Laurier...)

wow.. what a great night.

-Jersey Girl was soooo good. made me cry so much. i think it's going in my "favourite movies" list now. love it!
-HP3 teaser poster!! it's preeeettyyyy
-sneaked into Secret Window. haha good start... kinda freaky
-left halfway, to be with my orchestra buddies at Huther's
-no Paul Pulford?!?! what the heck?? that totally blows (not literally)
-was sooo great, even though Andres and Rod kept poking my cotton candy
-Amy drinks beer?!
-awesome convos with Tom, Heather, Rod, and most importantly, Ilana (cuz she ROCKS! and she rocked the hall with her amazing violin skills)
-thanks Heather for buying us chicken wings
-Johnny's wonderful toast to Paul (although he wasn't there), Nick, Diana, Ilana, and all the other soloists.
-yay foot patrol walking me home at 1:30am!

other random points:

-Rod and Tom reminded me that play and sing is tomorrow. fucker. i can't play the goddamn piano!!
-the bad thing i was gonna post before... no worries. i'm not gonna post it. it's just about my car
-Marijn in Detroit tomorrow. crossing fingers for a phone call

wow..
the concert was INCREDIBLE. no, incredible would be an understatement. i can't think of a better, more successful concert i've played in my life (maybe except Armenian Dances in gr.12 band) but this concert was unbelieveable. Brandon's singing brought tears to my eyes, and Scheherazade was too awesome for words. oh my god... what an experience!
*reminiscing*....ahhh.....

i have some kind of bad stuff to post about, but i can't be bothered at the moment...

well!
some of us are getting over it faster than others....



itinerary(sp?) for the day: orchestra practise, performance, rez movie, HUTHERS!!!

*with a goony smile on my face* im so mellow right now..listening to Dirait On... ahhh... memories...
...
darn i don't even remember what i was going to post about...
umm..
i think i am slowly getting over it...and healing. maybe? i don't know.. but i think i am. it's a good thing. i still have to stay away for a while longer. i don't want to get sucked into all that again. i did a lot of reflecting today. and i just came to the conclusion. i've realized what's happening, so it's all good... sorta. in a way, it's good, but on the other side it's not too good. but only time will tell what's going to happen. i think it's time for another letter. ... tomoorow. i'm tired and listening to good music. i can't be bothered. :)

ha Tim wants to be MY friend. lol mister popular.
Mar: the new HP trailer really isn't *NEW*. it's just been refined. ha. and there's no diff. between the full length trailer and the teaser trailer. i've seen both. and btw, the new HP website layout is done! it's pretty damn amazing, if i say so myself! and Buckbeak is so cute! haha!


Orchestra practise was fun! (except Meistersinger, or however the hell u spell it). i don't like that piece. too crazy hard. omg, i am honestly going to miss Brandon (aka van Gogh) and his singing next year. gotta go to his 4th year recital. (and Cheryl's too, cuz she's my heroin haha) anyways.. Scheherazade is sooo going to rock the hall tomorrow, i'm soooo excited! :)
Marijn's going to detroit on monday. ahh! so close, yet so far... and i can't even cross the border (no passport). darnit. then NFLD. everywhere except Ontario? poooop. oh well, what can i do, eh? at least he promised me emails throughout the journey. yay!

anyways, so last night, i was talking with Emilia, and it was a real eye opener. like, new concepts and stuff. it was sad, yet so true. made me think of it, and everything differently. and guess who msned me today? ha. anyways... moving on....

actually, i don't have anything else to post. i JUST remembered i had a mock final for skills yesterday. goddammit. i totally forgot. ahhh oh well. whatever.

last words: REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR CLOCKS FORWARD AN HOUR TONIGHT!!

wow... today has been one crazy fuckin day. 3 hours of sleep, then skills dictation? no... can't do it. came back and slept for 2 and a half hours. sleep, eat and orchestra's all i've been doing lately. goddamn. emotions fly high with my hero (Brandon van Gogh) singing Bizet and Scheherazade. can't believe it. it's gonna be AMAZING.

welp.. anyways, too much drama going on last night. ridiculuas. too long to type out. so i'm gonna leave.

a fucking insomniac, that's what i'm fucking turning into.

fuck.

alright. it seems that it is finally over. i honestly don't know what to think. the past three nights have been too hard. can't stop thinking about us. the greatest thing that's happened to me ironically developed into the worst thing that's ever happened to me. but if this is the way it has to be, then okay. i can't do anything about it. and if this is what you call revenge, you've succeeded. congratulations.



please someone kill me.






























no, i'm already dead.

random shit:
- a thousand thanks to Mel and Colleen last night
- American Idol --> Matt Rogers is out... ARGH! can't believe it...
- no psych for me today... can't handle it! gotta lay low for a while...
- WLU Symphony Orchestra rehersals rock... Sunday is going to be awesome :)
- chats with Marijn + new pics (hot ones! rrrrr)
- late night movies
- Wilf's interview-- meh...
- WCH rez dinner (thx Cole for shoes!)

Josh Groban- Broken Vow
Tell me his name I want to know
The way he looks and where you go
I need to see his face, I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
while I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I let you go I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go now that I've found
a way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch the one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time?

I let you go I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go now that I've found
a way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

I close my eyes and dream of you and I
and then I realize
there's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul to hold you once again
and never let those moments end

I let you go I let you fly
Now that I know I'm asking why
I let you go now that I've found
a way to keep somehow
More than a Broken Vow.

oh, yeah... Wilf's called me for an interview! YEAH BABY! something to look forward to finally...

and i think i have found my "safe haven". who would've thought: the practise rooms. (!) seriously though... it's small, it needs painting, but i love that place. always welcoming and safe and there when i need to calm down. and practising's always good for me, even when it brings out all the emotions. but each time i leave, i feel better than i did when i came in. i wish i can live there... well, maybe just spend one night there. ha. anyways, i think i'm gonna watch a movie then head to bed early. god knows, i need a good sleep.

highlights/lowlights of the day:

- psych class... need i say more? we're actually learning about depression and suicide. this can get interesting.
- religions class... boring as fuck. watched a movie about Chistianity and all that.
- talked to Carmen about drugs, Kevin, Jordan, and the past weekend
- orchestra (the only highlight), played Scheherazade the whole 2 hours
- masterclass; Jerzy bought one of his private students.. he played Mozart Concerto in G, the one i'm doing in the jury.. damn, he's good, he's only 12 yrs old!

JUST LET ME FUCKING VENT!! HOLY FUCK!!

sigh*....

i apologize for my last post, being so negative and all... but... yes. anyways!

today was actually a good day because:
- i took a 2 hr nap after skills, waking up feeling much better (before that, after skills, colleen was like "did you sleep well last night? you look tired")
- practising was pretty productive
- got application for The Cord (YIAY! finally)
- got reinbursment form from the health dept. (don't know how to fill it out though...)
-orchestra was fun!

okay, that's about it. i should really start MacFucker now. (aka MacGamut)

ok, fuck... i should've listened to Fran. i risked it, and i blew it. just great. i don't know why i even do this to myself, when i know the outcome. the answer was so obviously obvious.

ok great way to end a day.

**note to self:
1) listen to Fran.
2) promises are made to be broken.
3) don't put yourself through something when you know it's not worth it.
4) never get your hopes up for a post significant other.
5) don't do late night calls on a sunday.
6) listen to Fran


1:02 am
ok. do i really want to go back to Toronto after school's done? i don't think so... i guess i shouldn't run away from my problems, and i do have friends in TO who actually want to see me (thanks Kev, i lurve you), but is it worth going through everyone? i don't know. i know which city i'm leaning towards now though... not that anyone would care. like, honestly. everyone's just more friendly... more happy. less worries. no friends who dump you and kick you around like some fucking ball.

goddamn, i hate how each movie i watch makes me think so much. and about my life relative to the movie. *sigh*

anyways, there was something super funny that happened last week, i totally forgot to post about.
J.P. <-- that's right folks. that's Walkerton slang for "jogging pants" HAHAHHA!!! no, they can't be called sweat pants, they have to be called JOGGING PANTS. and the next thing Walkerton-ers will come up with: S.S (sweat shirts) HAHAHHA oh my gawd.. hilarious!

wow... i am so bored. waiting for my parents to arrive. anyways, i was on Friendster cuz Margaret and Frances wanted to add me, so i was like, okay, whatever, i'll just go on it, i have nothing better to do. anyways! i found Paul's profile, and that led me to finding Zipporah's (Gabrielle)! omg, honestly, i haven't seen that girl in like 3 years. dunno if she still remembers me... i gave her violin lessons. heh... anyways... so that's my story.

yeah... i'm pretty bored. it's like snowing outside.. again. goddammit...
um.. anyways..

i just finished watching Something's Gotta Give, and it gave me an insight regarding my own life with..... people. it made me think about a lot of stuff in terms with what i wnet through. basically, anything is possible, and you never know what may happen in the future. i'm pretty happy. well... actually happy is not quite the right word. maybe... contented, or at ease are better words.

i'm pretty confidant about everything turning out alright. :) wow... this is such a relief. honestly. i think i'm going to have a great sleep tonight. :) goodnight world.

hmm... apparently, i'm not going to the peace walk. whoops. well, i think i've had enough excercise for the day. seriously... carried loads of groceries around... staires... pah! sooooo tired! at least i have food now! YIAY! i'm not gonna starve next week. and for the remainder of the school year.

oh yeah, i also bought a pretty skirt at Le Chateau. unfortunately, it wasn't on sale, it was pretty expensive, but there was only one left and it fit me really well! so i had to get it. yes, had to. now i have to find some matching socks. tee hee!

anywhoo... Billy is advirtising about a music competition that's gonna go on around May, from his church/temple... i dunno if i should go to it. hmmmm.... think think think. hehehe i just asked him do winners get money. lol he said he has to ask about that. sooooo... we'll see! it would be cool though, i've never been in a music competition before. Kiwanis is always too good for me. i suuuuuck. that's right. meh. anyways, i'm hungry... so i'm gonna go make me some FOOD. bye!

ok i got back a little while ago. SUNDANCe was aaaawesome. hnoestly, i loooove aboriginal culture. i really do. this even was the first time i ever did see a powwow dance live. it was amaaaazinnnggg!! their costumes were lovely-so bright and beautiful and feathery! and it was breathtaking! what would've made it better: if the whole crew was more organized, and the dancers less sarcastic when they not dancing. anyway... the other thing that really stuck out were the throat singers. that was really something! i've never heard anything like it! it these two women, and basically they throat singing to each other. it's actual singing, but imitating sounds they hear in nature. it was weird sounding, like you'd need to cough or clear your throat or hack. and their sound was deep! but it was really really cool! Kevin's (that guy i met last week, the composer) piece was really well done too! i liked it a lot. the honest-to-god worst ending to a great show was a group of aboriginal "thugs" doing some stupid hiphop/rap thing. omg... it was pathetic. i mean, they're good... for rap, or whatever, but totally not the right time or place for that. like, i've sat thru 3 and a half hours of beautiful music, cultural dances and video excerps, and to end it, they put on some rap group? nuh-uh... not right. and i was having a headache too. and so tired.... and apparently, Jeremy's the artistic director of NUMUS. so... yes.

anyways, oh yeah, i totally forgot ACI had a website.. i used to go to that place all the time. yeah, Billy and I are talking about it. i have to check their Spring Concert date. yay i can't wait to go to that!
ok it's on May 12th.... well, 11th for the gr.9s and 10s. hee hee... but who goes to that? lol wow, i'm mean. lol whateves. anyways, so mark it on yer calendar, folks!! cuz i'm gonna be at good ol' ACI for the night! yyyyaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!

im back for another post.
no more bad posts for the day, i promise. i'm tired of those.
i'm excited about NUMUS! i found out that Yena's going too, yay! I'm not sure if Jeremy's playing in it. i think he is, because he always has NUMUS written down in his schedule. meh.

anyways, i haven't seen Mike in like two full weeks. mian... honestly, i wouldn't care, if he didn't STILL have something of mine. but he does, and i do care because i want it back!!!

um... yes... sooo...

........

ok i don't have anything to post anymore. im so comfy.

wtf... wtf?

ok this is getting a bit awkward. no... what the hell is happening? this is fucking messed up.
don't know what to think..... maybe i should stop thinking all together.

i was almost over it, and it comes rushing back. fuck... nothing ever goes my way. whateves... i don't care anymore. my life is messed either way.

ok i'll post something good... i forgot to add that i'm going to the NUMUS concert tomorrow, and Hair on saturday. i'm excited... all these music events! i'm also going on a candlelight peace walk on saturday night. it's a walk for people against war and terrorism and and that.... it's gonna be a good weekend

wow i just realized how many typing errors i had in the last post... too lazy to fix them, whatever.
fuck.. okay, today has not been a good day. serious.. well besides seeing kevin and jordan whynot in the morning totally caught me by surprise (kevin told me he was working with jordan today in waterloo, but he said he wasn't going to be able to visit me. this morning i woke up, went to the concourse to get a bagel, turned around to head to class, lo and behold, kevin and jordan are there! what the heck?! it was sooo surprising. we hung out after my class... drove around in jordan's van... wnet to Quizznos, bike shop, hung out at my rez)
anyways... yeah, i had these fucking weird-ass dreams last night. what else is new? god... i mean, Matthew Gittens (some guy... we had kiddie crushes on each other in gr.2) showed up in my dreams a couple nights ago! that is crazy. well... yeah. anyways, last night, i had two main dreams, and they were both so crazy, i can't even describe it. well.... i can, but not on my blog, sorry guys. well, yeah, one of them, i can't stop thinking about it. it was SO incredibly real. something between two friends in ACI. it was so real that, i didn't know what to think of her when i woke up, and during the entire day. it's just....... wow. i can't comprehend it. and i thought about the possibility of it happening, and i can't say it's not possible. what does that mean? (Tracy? help!) so.. yeah. like i was telling Tracy today, according to Freud, or any dream interpreter, dreams do not happen for no reason. it must be something in the subconscious. every dream has some kind of meaning, whether you know or not. *ahhh* gaaaawddd... this is seriously not happening... and i have been waking up in the middle of the night for the past two nights. and it's not the fact that i wasn't tired, because i WAS. i was damn tired. so i don't know. i'm going crazy for real this time.

ok just off the phone with Matty. again... what does that mean? i mean, it has been three days. fucking weird (i gotta stop using that word) days too. i truely believe that i am finally going crazy for real. Tracy's friend, Alex, was trying to be my therapist today. wow... first Warren, now Alex... crazy. Warren did a better job, no offense. anyways... i'm trying to think straight... or... relatively straight.

Ian's meeting a boy tonight! tee hee... i told him, if he doesn't like him, and if he's hot, he should let me know, so i can go for it. hahah i mean, he's not fully gay, so it's okay. hahaha just kidding... Anyways. yeah. well, i'm out.

yes, it is 11. yes i am already in bed. but something just popped into my head, i feel i need to post.

it's weird, and sad to think how a year always passes so fast, yet some things that happen within the year, when u think about it, feel like it's from so long ago? i would really like to know why. like... i'm just thinking of some events that has happened last year, and though it hasn't been a full year yet, it feel prehistoric.

yes, i am thinking again. goddamn my thinking. too fuckking tired. i need sleep. so im leaving. just thought i'd share this piece of my mind with the world.

if friends is not the answer, there is always aquaintances. i guess i'll have to setlle with that that.
FUCK.


okay... okay.... deep breath.... can't stop these tears from flowing...

i really don't feel like posting but i've got nothing better to do... waiting for my brother to edit my essay, and American Idol is on commercials.
today was a tiring day. psych test was hard! religions was boring, but we talked about a story in the book we're reading, that was interesting. Music at Noon was pretty good! it featured a pianist, an oboist, and an accordianist, who was Alexis' dad! yeahh... waiting for that concert for a WHILE!! anyways, yeah, it was good!

um... right moving on... i went to see my religions prof to see if he would edit my essay. he didn't. poop! oh well.
anyways... uhhh....... yeah.

oh! goodness, i love the Terry commercials! absolutely adorable!!! "You're alright, Terry" hee hee so cute!

tim and jackie just left. we ended up not going to dinner, cuz tim arrived at 5:45, and we ate separetly. tim nad jackie also attended jackie's friend's computer science lecture. i took a nap while waiting for them to call. bah. anyways, so they came to my rez looked around, and decided to go around my campus. i took them all over, even the business and science buildings. heh heh... places i never go to... lol anyways, then jackie was feeling sick so we just went back to my place and chilled there... now they're gone. and i should study some psych, but.... later!
umm... anyways... i'm freakin tired.. bah. nothing to post. i'm outtie.

this morning was one of the most bitchiest of bitch days to get up, seriously. and goddamn my radio alarm clock, it's not reliable at all! grrr... anyways, Skills was majorly boring, to say the least. but no piano! YAY!!!!! so i am here in my apartment, all comfy in my PJs again and working on my essay. again.

Taoism has 10 courts of hell, didya know? it really sucks. one for every specific thing you do. whew! better than Buddhism thouse, it has 18! i get to meet Beth's brother! hahah Shannon was like, "ok, no stories today!" and Beth was like "no, tell stories!" lol oh geez.... i'm not the fucking storyteller1 but it's okay!

anyways... back to worky...

bumbumbum... me so sleepy... but have the urge to blog! typetypetype... nothing to post about... oh! timmy's coming at 4 tomorrow! boooo... i'll be in orchestra. oh well. i'm still excited, yiay! lol im a weirdo.
oh yeah, so margaret and i were talking about the HP movie this summer, and i'm sooo totally dressing up for that! HAHAHA!! i've got the hat and her sister might have a cape for me to borrow. yeah! i'm excited!! anyways, i seriously have the urge to fly over to Holland. haha mehmehmeh. *yawn* okay sleep time.

last night was pretty fun, to say the least. there were times when i felt out of place, just because most of them were colleen's friends from highschool, and they talked a looot about it. but anyway, it was still fun. we went to get pizza at 1, there were a loootta people! anyways, enough about that.

i totally can't wait til tomorrow, i'm soooo excited! why? timmy's coming to waterloo! YIAY! i'm trying to convince him to come to my orchestra rehersal. he's like "i'm gonna be bored, everyone's in class" so i told him to come to my orchestra rehersal. he said sure, but we'll see what happens. if all goes well, we're gonna all have dinner together (me, tim, jackie, richard and michelle), so cross those fingers! on the other hand, kevin isn't visiting me on thursday afterall. oh well. he's ditching me for guelph. whatever. he better make it up to me! lol just kidding.

anyways, i was chatting with marijn last night (you may remember him from such names like the "netherland dude"..hehe nique, remember?) and we was teaching me dutch. haha it was hilarious. hehe good times... rick then tried ruining my fun my saying it's incorrect language (cuz i used it as my msn screen name)... like, fuck, who is he to say? ass... i told him off. haha it was great. he needs some serious telling off, that kid.

grr... essay is killing me! im so tired of typing it! grr. well, i'm trying to finish it by tuesday, so i can get my prof to edit it. dum dum dum.... this suuuuucks. i'm off.

honestly, i don't know why i even bother. there's no chance. nope, never. there's no hope. i really should start listening to fran and tracy. they are right. well, follow your heart, not your mind, right?

goddamn.
i need some love. no... i just need a hug. i got 3 hugs yesteray (yup, only three... well, it's better than most days). one good one, and two GREAT ones, complete with backrub. i needed that pretty bad. heh. i need one now... i need a hug.

and some sleep would be useful as well.

ok im up, my tummy's full, i'm comfy and i'm ready to post!! yiay!

last night was fun! i decided to go practise last night at 8, because i was a bit depressed and no one but me colleen and jeff were home. but i seriously didn't want to be there when colleen and jeff are there. pisses me off. anyways, so i decided to go practise, cuz i'm such a nerd. ha! right. anyways, i go there i open the door, and it's semi dark, and the only person i see is Catherine sitting on the table drinking milk. i'm like "whoa... is anybody here? it's so quiet! and dark!" and she's like "yeah i know! i just turned this light on, when i came here it was all dark! i think i heard someone singing down there." and pointed towards the strings hallway. so we just started chatting and then my friend Pam suddenly appeared! (she was the girl who was singing.) so we're all chatting and la dee da... Catherine decides to go up to the CAI Lab to do some MacGamut. so me and Pam are just talking... and talking. it was fun. someone's at the door! Pam goes and opens it (cuz it's locked at night) and in walks Pam's friend Kevin. we were introduced, and the three of us kept talking.. til like almost 10, when Kevin decides to call the foot patrol bus to drive him home. i tell them i really should go practise now. 5 minutes before 10, we all decide to give each other massages! so Kevin calls foot patrol again and postpone it til 11. i go practise for a bit, while Kevin and Pam are massaging each other. 20 minutes later, i come out and i got a massage from Kevin, while Pam got one from me. haha it was hilarious! Kevin's a good massager. my left muscles behind my shoulder are tense as fuck. he massaged it pretty hard. they're kinda sore now. lol meh. anyways! back to the story... oh, i forgot, while we were talking Peter (cellist) came down to practise too. so yeah. while we were massaging, Peter came out of his room and joined our massaging party. hahaha funnyy... anyways, Pete leaves and it's us three again, and i'm like, i wanna go to Yogen Fruz for ice cream! so then we all go to my practise room so i can pack up. Kevin played several songs on the piany and we had a long discussion about his compositions and stuff. when we came out, it was a bit after 11, oops! he checked to see if the foot patrol bus arrived. it had. he went out to tell them not to drive him after all. we made our way to yogen fruz, only to discover that it was CLOSED!! goddammit... so we just stood there, talking about none other than skills. only because i told them that guy who worked at yogen fruz was in 2nd year, but he's in first year skills (he failed 1st year skills. haha) so yeah, we were just standing there saying ta-ka-di-mi and clapping. it was hilarious. when we finally started moving, we ended up in front of Wilf's, i'm like "let's go get a drink! so we go in, i got wristbanded and marked (stupid underage policy...grrr) and found a table talked, ordered food, talked some more, checked out hot people, talked about hot people, and how beautiful people are. haha it was really interesting. anyways, my order of tacos was soooo frickin yummy! mmm... haophaophaop!! hehe anyways, we stayed there til like 12:30. i was gonna go home, but the door leading to my exit was locked! grrr... so i caught up with Pam and Kevin on the other side and we just stood outside for a bit, contemplating what would happen. the foot patrol bus only comes every hour, and it wasn't even close to 1 yet. so they walked me home! yiay! hahaa
fun fun fun!

anyways, i got up at 12:15 this morning/afternoon... ahhh... such a good sleep. *grin* so relaxing... ate a huge breakfast this morning. ahhh... i need more saturdays like these. hehehe the only problem is that my muscles hurt, the one Kevin massaged last night. i think he did it a bit too hard. lol whoops. anywhhoooo yeah, i'm actually talking to Matt on msn.. surprising, huh? after like how many days? yeeeaaaa... well anyways, i think this is a long enough post. good bye

i just got home about 15 minutes ago! so much fun! i'll post about it tomorrow, when i feel like posting a detailed post. i just saw this on the WLU website. GOODYYY!! i've been waiting for this since SEPTEMBER!! no kidding... Alexis' dad playing at my school! yiay, i haven't heard him play since gr.10!

no... i can't believe this is happening... gawd... it's been 40 days already. why is this happening?? ahhhh... where is Mike when i need him? my rum is in his room!! *tear tear tear*

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkk!!!!










has it really been 40 days? hard to believe... seemed much longer. i need a friend. should've went to Fashion N' Motion. better than being stuck here with Colleen and Jeff.

oh yeah, baby, i got action!
just came back from the mall with Mel and Colleen! yay shopping! i bought not one, but TWO pairs of shoes! and these socks i've been hunting for foreverrr! black and purple striped. i was a bit disappointed though, because the purple is not the shade i wanted. but purple nonetheless. and it was on sale!! yyup, $2.98... *grin*

anyways, i have my lesson in about 15 minutes, so i'd better get going. bub byee my lovelies!

ok good, it does...

anyways, i wrote this post last night, and it never posted, SO! i'll post it again.

Reasons why Paul Pulford is cool: (in no particular order)
- he plays cello! all cellists are cool
- he knows my name! yay i feel special
- he looks like my gr.11 English teacher, only, he's cooler! and fun to be with (ie. HUTHERS)
- he has different coloured eyes (his right eye is brown, his left eye is blue)

BUT! the coolest thing about Paul is:

When Amy and i went to talk to him about our art exhibition reception next wednesday, and could we miss 15 minutes of orchestra to go to it, he said "Why don't we just start orchestra late so that everyone can go?"

Now that, my friends, is cool. hehe

Anyways, my computer is giving me lots of problems lately. viruses and whatnot. grr... i spent so many hours trying to fix it, with the help of Rick (yes, the Rick). well, he is good with that stuff, so ya know. anyways, my internet is still kinda messed up. I told Ramiz about it, and then Joanna said her's is kinda messed up too, so... i dunno. Anyways, on a happier note, Timmy is coming to Waterloo on Monday! YAY! He has to check out the universities for next year. i hope he'll be able to get in Laurier! he wants to, but he said it's really hard to get into the Businesss Admin. program. not surprising, since Laurier is famous for (stupid) business. *ahem* anyways... yes.... so he is coming to visit me and Jackie as well.

i'm working on my Tao essay. it's coming along pretty well, cuz now i've finally finished writing the intro. i hate intros... and conclusions. grr.. oh well.

anyways i read in The Star today that Scarborough is under attack again. Gawd... people are so stupid these days. Scarborogh is becoming pretty ghetto. Two men were shot last night, or two nights ago on the corner of Markham Rd. and Ellesmere. holy shit, do y'all have ANY idea how fucking close to my house that is? like... two blocks!! crap. and my brother goes to Woburn C.I, which is right on Markham and Ellesmere. goddamn. all these shootings... like right near my stupid neighbourhood. Malvern and all. shit.

anyways, i have a lesson today at 5. i missed mine yesterday. i forgot the time, i thought it was at 3. but when i got there i realized that it was supposed to be at 2. whoops. oh well. anyways... i'm looking forward to a nice quiet weekend, studying for psych and doing my essay. *sigh* i need some action. pah. ok that's about it for now. bub bye.

does this work now?

so i haven't really posted in a couple of days, because i seriously had nothing good, or even decent to post about. not like i do now, but i have about an hour and a half to kill so whatever. i just finished watching Eurotrip on my computer, it's so freakin hilarious! watch it!

I'm handing in my paintings today for the art exhibition, i hope it get in! if i don't, then.... goshdarn! hee hee! my room has been super hot the last couple of days because i've been turning up my space heater so that one of my paintings will dry faster! i just finished it on saturday, and it's not completely dry. it's getting there though... my room is freakin hot! i opened up some windows. hahah it's such a beautiful day out! yiiiaaayyy.

ok i've run out of things to say. bub bye

had another social group talk about school. goddamn.. made me realize how screwed i am in my fucking major.

dum dum dum... wow, for once i have absolutely NOTHING to post about. goddamn.

i just got back not long ago. i'm kind of glad i'm back.. i like home now and all, but it's just so messy, all my stuff is here, u know... anyways, it's been snowing all day. crazy! i went to Ikea after lunch, oh man, i love that place. sooo many cool stuff.

well last night i watched Passion of the Christ, not by myself though. i went with Emilia. it was actually a pretty crazy night. leaving out the details, this was what happened:
-went to morningside, sold out, bought 10:15pm tickets (times 2, cuz my mom didn't want me to go by myself so late)
-came home, called matt, he didn't want to come with me. made plans to just hang out before movie
-emilia called, wanted us to visit her place
-picked matt up, went to emilia's
-didn't have time to drive matt back, went to theater, took a wrong turn after highway, lost about 15 minutes
-got there, i was so stressed out, matt sitting in the back seat sulking
-dropped emilia off to get tickets and seats first
-i parked, headed out, no tickets --> all sold out
-FUCK!!
-said i'd drive matt home first, just save me a seat, i'll be a bit late
-walked really fast to my car, because i was fuckin pissed
-back out, fucking HIT THE CAR BEHIND ME
-stopped the car, burst into tears
-got out to see the damage i've done. the car i hit was scratched, so all i did was run the dust and dirt off.
-drove away
-matt was concerned the whole way, i didn't care at the time.
-dropped him off, cried hysterically after, almost crashed again
-steadied myself, i can't crash on the highway, i'd die. so i drove back to morningside.
-watched the movie.

whew.
the movie itself was really good. becuase i'm not Christian, i didn't really feel anything, like when Jesus got whipped or nailed or whatever. the girl beside was was crying like crazy during the whipping scene. jeez... i felt so bad for her. anyways, i thought the movie was good, really well done. emilia was crying when he got nailed. it was horrible. i've never seen her cry... aww... i hugged her through the whole scene. she was okay at the end. Jesus ressurected. um... when we were coming out of the theater, we bumped into people! like, the first person i saw was Boris! i was like "whaaaat? omg! hi!" and then i saw Lindsey. she cut her hair. and needless to say they STILL look very weird together. hahah and then emilia saw elain, cuz she was with them, and i didn't see her at first but then i did! ohhh! lol i was like "omg, elain! hiii!" hehe boris's brother and friend and lindsey were just standing there...hahah funnyyy. but yea, then i drove emilia home, nad had a long talk. *sigh* came home, called matt, and talked til 4. it was bad and good at the same time. i dunno... anyways, yeah... that's about it. i should start some work now... or soon. post more later...

blahblahblah... so i went downtown yesterday... at 8:30!! jebus.. took so frickin long. don't feel lke writing all the details, but jordan came along. went to Church St.. where else? um... got back around 11:30, matt called and didn't realize til like almost an hour later. whoops! anyway, wnet to art today... fun... it's going to be worth $60. meh. whatever.. i'll probably even lower it. i don't care too much for it. meh... anyway, yea.. dunno wut i'll be doing tonight. we'll see... i wanna watch The Passion of the Christ. my mom said she's boycotting that movie, when i asked if she wanted to come see it wth me, so i'll probably go by myself. meh. anyways, nothin else to post, so ta.

fuck.
what the hell is up with the weather?

no one tells me shit. gawd...

i need to get out of here. toronto doesn't like me. and i don't like it.

so anyways, i didn't get to meet jeremy's friend, the bowmaker. instead, i got kind of a bad lesson. mehh... anyways, it doesn't matter.

i didn't really do much today.. fell asleep in psych. pah. oh well. anyways...yeah, i'm out.

typetypetype...
was a fun night last night... sorta. So yeah i went to Williams Coffee Pub at 7:30 and i was so damn nervous. about 7:45, I saw Mike and Ian come in. apparently, i learned afterwards, that Ty was with them too. FUCK!! lol anyways, that was not part of my plan. but whatever. it was so weird. i was so intimidated. we were done by like 8:15ish, cuz __ had to catch the bus. anyways, i left, and Mike and Ian were walking towards U.P. and i'm trying to hold from bursting into laughter... about 1 minute later of pretending not to know each other, i walked up to them and started laughing my head off. it was soooo bad. Ian and Mike teased me to no end, those bastards. anyways, ok enough about that! i don't even want to think about it anymore! after that me, mike and ian went to UP and waited for mike to finish playing CS, that bastard. we were supposed to go drinking after that, but noooo they wanted to go to the gym! grrr... so we had to go, and we passed by Fran and Shannon's rooms so we were like yelling at them from downstaires. and i hung out with them while mike and ian worked out. not fun... let me tell ya. anyways, after they were done the 5 of us went to Beth's place on Bricker. i was so frickin upset, i walked into beth's room and the first thing i said was "can i have some drinks?" (oh yea, i couldn't get my rum, becuz it was at mike's rez, and ty was "busy" and he wasn't letting mike in there yet.) anyways, so beth said she didn't have anything to mix it with, so we went to the pop machines downstaires, but they were all messed up, so no drink for me. after that mike discovered some cigars in beths room, and we all went down and smoked. well, all but me and fran. anyways, after that, i was like "let's wallllkkkk!!" and beth didn't come with us cuz we were right outside her rez anyways, so then we went to yogen fruz and waited in the super long line. we saw tracy and brendon there! anyways, the guy working at yogen fruz was so rude. gawd... apparently, he's in mike's Skills class! and he's 2nd year! we all had a good laugh about him failing skills. lol!! um...yes... anyways, after that, we debated whether we should go to my place or not. i really wanted them to. but shannon won them over with the pool and foozeball tables. grrrr... they were shitty anyways! >:( we could've went to WCH if they wanted to... whatever. anyways, after about an hour of that, we all wnet home. well mike came over and got a band-aid cuz he hurt himself on the foozeball table.. haha sucker. umm... yea, then he left soon after, and i went to bed, the end.

anywayssss... some other crap happened last night. was so stupid. but whatever. i called matt when i got home, cuz i had to leave while i was msn-ing with him. since i was at Conrad that time. whatever.

looking forward to my lesson today, meeting Jeremy's friend, the bowmaker. hmm.. i wonder what he'll say about my situation? i think im going to get a new bow! yay

OMG OMG!!! i was browsing the WLU website and came across THIS!
i really want to enter, i mean, i am going to enter! i'm so excited! i hope i'll remember to pick up an entry form and stuff... i'm already thinking of which pieces to submit. i wanted to submit the Monet one, but i don't think i'll be able to because it says i can't submit multiple piece works. boo. well, i am going to submit my rose painting and the wildlife one. eeee!!! i'm so excited!!! yay yay yay yay!!!!!

hello my lovelies!

To my dearest MARYAM/CHIPPY/MOON UNIT: well smack my ass and call me suzy! it's your birthday!! HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!! I DON'T HAVE MUCH PUTE IN ME ANYMORE WITHOUT MY TRUSTY DICTIONARY, BUT I'LL DO WHAT I CAN. crap... that was all in caps. meh. anyways, i wish you many happy returns and remember to take advantage of all the strip clubs and hot French dudes down in Montreal! (i'm sure you already do). remember also to woo everyone you meet with your beautiful hair! ok i really don't remember any pute. lol. YAY MAR!!! anyways, keep on bloggin and we'll definately meet up after exams. Love, Grom Goo PLex/The Girl With The Not As Beautiful Hair (*smile!*)

i just came back from Music at Noon, this week it was the New Berlin Chamber Ensemble. it was as bad as last week's. last week's was brutal! anyways, Fran was telling me how she read my blog and how i always write a fucking novel. well, what can i say? i'm bored! anyways, Fran also said that she's not living with us anymore. she's gonna live on the streets. i said she can live on the driveway, and she agreed, and said she'll build her own fort. hahah!
anyways, i don't really have much to post. last night's floor meeting was crappy. no one really said much. what a group of unspirited youngsters we are. whatever! anyways, i'm playing in masterclass tonight! ahhh! fun...

*smiles* amy just made my day! she told me we didn't have orchestra today. YAY!!

i just realized the last word in each of those sentences ended with "ay". ack. lunch was fun. Dwight ate with us, but Mike wasn't there. we all had many laughs about Walkerton, and the fact that Shannon lives there. HAHAHAHA that's all. (well, one funny thing: we were talking about the one stoplight in walkerton, and shannon was like "we have more than one stoplight" so we're like so how many are there? and shannon started counting in her head. we burst out laughing, the fact that there are so few stoplights in walkerton that shannon can actually count them. there are 5. LOL!!)

wow... what a night. i'm definately not looking forward to this floor meeting tonight. too much fucking drama last night, after the colleen/joanna incident, we had a little floor meeting just a 5 of us..... and ramiz and mel's friend al, were there. we resolved that, eventually. and then moved on to the topic of samir. mel went down to talk to him, and when she came back up, she was all red, slammed her door and cried her little heart out. long night... eventually she came out, we talked, ramiz came back upstaires, after punching the door in anger so hard he popped his baby finger. had to put ice on it. samir came up... talked to mel, while me and joanna were standing (and sitting) around... we left, went downstaires, a couple minutes later, samir came down, went in his room, we went back upstaires, talked with mel. ramiz came up after that, and jeff and colleen came back inside from the balcony and missed the whole ordeal. we explained it to them, and had another long talk. afraid that that convo with samir and mel was samir's true self. afriad that if it was, what he might do. suicide? ramiz left, and tried to consol him or whatever, i don't know what he did. came back up a bit later, and the 7 of us had a loooong convo, which led to religion and philisophy.

anyway, all in all, it was so unexpected, and too much in one night. i'm honestly nervous about the floor meeting tonight. *sigh* jeff is over... again. a little too often, and even i, with such tolerance, is starting to lose it. he's just here ALL THE TIME. gawd...

there's just so much going on the past two days, like seriously. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i need security. nothing's going to come out of saturday night, but even so, i can't stop thinking about it. why? well.... why not? i don't know! ok, and wednesday.... holy shit. i can't believe i am doing this. i need a hug... or a fucking therapist.