im tired.
tired of skills and rhythms and bad singing and screaming in my house, and the snow and the people. i'm tired of looking for a place to live. i'm tired of working hard at something and never getting it. after that talk yesterday with janice, not only am i sure i'm not getting into mus. therapy, i'm probably gonna get kicked out too. wtf. school sucks sooo much. i hate it. but i want m.t soooo bad. ... i just wanna be really good at ONE thing.

i watched oprah yesterday and it made me cry because yesterday's episode talked about bad mother-daughter relationships. and this mother and daughter came on the show and it was the first time they saw and talked to each other in 6 months because they had this huge fght and stuff. in all honestly, i don't even want to go home tomorrow. i'm gonna be in the car with my mother alone again. i hate being with my mother alone. i hate living with my famiy. yeayea i screwed up my life, none of it is your fault. it's all mine. whatever. thanks for reminding me of that and trying to make me feel guilty again. it's not going to work this time.

i gonna visit aci on monday, and i'm getting lots of mixed feelings because i'm probably going to be seeing some people i don't want to see. why does everything have to be so messed up for me? and i hate how me and warren don't really talk anymore. well, i just talked to him, but it's not the same. and he's like "well, im going out soon, do u want me to call you after?" and i'm like "you don't have to".... but i think he's gonna. fuck... i don't want a pity call. i really don't. and do friends really ditch you when you just need a real person there to just be there for you? this always fuckin happen to me. thanks, warren. thanks.

god...... everything's so screwed up. i'm probably gonna fuck up my skills exam tomorrow, just because it's me, and vandenberg knows i suck at skills. he probably won't give me anything higher than a C, at best. i fuckin hate school sooo much... and while we're on that topic, i hate when people talk to me like i'm stupid or how i'm not working, you know who you are. because u know that when i start acting serious, i get called a bitch. and i have a mother, i don't need another one.

*breath*...

i have to get away... i'm done for tonight.