yiayiayiay!!!
i finished my psych paper AND handed it in to the DE office by 9pm! oh yeeeaa... i rock. :D! but i pretty much locked myself in my room and worked on it since 11:30 this morning.

anyways... i don't really have much to post about my day, cuz all i did was my psych paper.

i watched Crazy/Beautiful with Fran last night. it was the best movie. i almost cried. it's definately going into my favourites list.

wow... we have 14 people for our Christmas dinner so far... good progress!! i'm sooo excited for it. :D! still need to find a place to eat though. ahhhh... no time to! well, no worries i WILL find a place. i WILL......i WILL....

taking my one millionth break.
heh heh... whoops. but look, my blog layout looks pretty!
wish i were in paul's co-op class so i can learn how to count by colouring boxes. heh heh...
psych: i'm on the 5th page. almost halway there! i can actually work pretty fast if i wanted to, but... meh.

it hurts most of all when someone you admire and respect crushes your dreams. thanks, PSQ member.

***
drama with roomies
listening to fran practise her P&S
amber's shedding
allergies
movie time with fran... and i'm starving.

i spent an hour and a half on the phone with paul, cuz he was reciting all the details of his coop for me. yes, yes, i'm cheating the system. why? because i can. :) thanks soooooo much, paul. i owe you a really really good KBBQ dinner. :P

i think i'm gonna be up everynight til wednesday doing psych and MT diary. geez... i was calculating today, and with my MT paper, diary, and the psych paper, i would've written 45 pages, in two weeks. omg... how brutal is that?

i really really wanna sleep, but i must start this goddamn psych paper. i have pretty much 3 days to write 15 pages.

blehblehbleh, that's all i have to say.
i found out today that my last exam is on the 15, not the 13th, like i though. grrr! i shake my fist at my technical playing exam!

i have a Beth Anne tomorrow. it's my first Beth Anne of the year. whoo hoo!
i bought a new used Tea Party cd today, i love it!!

1. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MATTY! well, technically, i'm not late, cuz i already called you on sunday and wished you a happy birthday. but whatever! yiay you're 18! you're an adult! i'm so proud of you! :) did you get my music yet??

2. got home on sunday at 4am. it was sooo crazy. i don't even know what time we left Huther's, but then a bunch of us went to Heather's house afterwards. i talked to some pretty cool people too. :) yiay music people! oh! oh! oh! me and Melissa bonded through a nice joint. and then when we came back around the corner (cuz we were behind huther's) Justin, Mike, and a bunch of other people were caught smoking pot by the cops. dry... me and Melissa decided to just keep walking and pretend we don't even know them, as to not look suspicious. but still...

3. i missed Skills yesterday. i was so thrown off by that. argh...totally wasn't planning on sleeping in. damn fucking alarm clock.

4. on the other hand, the theory pop quiz i missed on friday didn't count towards my mark, so that was good.

5. MT was pretty fun today. the seminar kinda sucked, even though it was one of the better ones. but still. i'd rather sleep. we got breakfast though. so that made up for it.

6. had lunch with Denny (my cousin) cuz he was visiting his friend from UW again. he bought me lunch! and then we went to the candy store. :P!!

7. masterclass with David Rose today was interesting. Laura rocks at the viola! (no, really, she does)

8. dinner with Jackie and Timmy was fun! i haven't seen them in so long! (well, i saw Timmy a couple weeks ago, but it didn't count cuz we were at Aaron's funeral)but yeah it was fun. Jackie and i talked about the Christmas dinner. we still don't know where we wanna go. oh well.

9. just came home from Morty's with Bethany. i think this is like the first time we hung out together. it was really fun. we had a two hour discussion about music. hahaa! omg, we are such music students! i think Beth is the only person who is totally on the same page as me when it comes to music issues. i love it! even the math stuff... omg. it's sooooo funny. when the bill came we were so confused, cuz we didn't know how to calculate it if i put down a 20, and she gave me a 10.... who would owe who back what. lol! i think we sat were trying to figure it out for like, 5 minutes. it was hilarious.

10. so screwed for psych. i don't think i will get the paper done on time..... but i'll try anyways. i guess? MT diary due next week as well. fuck.. might as well write a fuckin book.

anyways, i'm out. i'm le tired.

it was a really really really great performance.
can't wait til huther's.

i hate people who don't fuckin answer thier fuckin phones. and people who treat you like shit. fuck you all to hell.

When at Louie's

DO:
dance
dance really well
dance with hot guys
dance when you're drunk

DON'T:
get drunk before you get in ( i learned that lesson)
grope with strangers
grope with everyone you dance with
make out with everyone you grope with

**

what a fun night! concert tomorrow!! yiay Tchaik!!

i'm such a loser.
i can't do it.
fuck.

ah.
well, i finished my paper at 5am. what's surprising is that even though i finished at 5, i was the first one in bed out of me fran and tracy. all the M.T papers are done now. such a relief. gonna start my psych one next week. for now, i'm just going to enjoy the rest of the week of not writing anything, and concentrate on orchestra. i really miss playing. i was practising for my mock audition last night, and did not want to stop. my neck is also getting worse again. ow. MT class today was tough again. anytime Ruth talks about Sick Kids, it really gets to me. especially when we watch those tapes and i see HSC. i know exactly what it feels like, being in those rooms. That little boy with the rare disease, Brandon, was soooooo lovely. i wish i could just go to HSC and give him the biggest hug. and everytime Joshua smiled, it was like, the best thing in the world happened. :)
anyway, i'm so fucked right now. i'm soooo tired. physically and mentally. it's not even funny. i think my cough, or something is gonna come back... i can feel it. shit.

well anyway, it's almost time for orchestra. :) concert this sunday at 3pm, if anyone is interested. :)

in the libberary. taking a break. almost at the end of page 11. word count at 4678. how can i write two pages worth of goals? hm.. i'll find a way.
mock auditions went well. i am lovin' the Tchaik! for real, i am. learned the super fast part in mov't 3 today before my mock audition. heh heh. string boys are hot. huther's on sunday, can't wait!
got a flu shot yesterday, and saw garreck. he got a flu shot too. and was dizzy. aww... poor garreck... studying in the concourse by himself while i was walking to the libberary. gave me a drink. yiay! i haven't had coke in the longest time.
been thinking about shit (ie. people) all night last night. and then i had a dream about doing my mock audition and jeremy and mike z.

will post in complete sentences tomorrow when i have my MT paper out of the way.

just a bit past 12 now...
already been a full year, who woulda thunk it? thinking back, sooo much really happens in a year. my life is like a soap opera sometimes... gotta love it. *sigh*...

anyway, talked to matt hoskins last night, it was quite the chat. he made me think about some things. a couple years, huh? i dunno.... we'll see. a couple years is a long time.
em told me to fuckin dump his ass. i dunnooooo...

anyway, back to my paper.

jon left already. boourns. damn greyhound... anywhoo, it was a pretty fun weekend. starlight was fun on friday! it's really not my type of music, but it was great seeing seeing music people there! me, jon, lorrina, andrea, margaret (piano girl) some tuba dude, and jeff! jeff's awesome. hehe. did absolutely bothing yesterday. we pretty much spent the whole day with fran. watched the Day After Tomorrow. it was a good movie. it's kinda scary to think that it can actually happen. watched the football game, we won!! whoo hoo!! laurier rocks. :D we beat mac. muahaha! went to wilf's for dinner, then hung out in the practise rooms for a good hour. hahaha! practise rooms are the best hangout places. :D! i think i'm gonna play Somewhere Over the Rainbow for my MT audition. brendan's gonna give me the piano part for it. yiay!

this week is going to SUCK. intensive week, MT paper due, AND mock auditions. crappity crap. anyway.. gotta shower then park my ass in the library. ta!

1. jon is coming!

2. Starlight tonight, yiay! i love hanging out with music people! STRING people... :D i love being in a string cult!

3. UW library SUCKS ASS. really... i went in there, and i had to get books on the 5th floor, and the whole place was fuckin deserted. the elevator is SKETCH. i'm not even kidding. the floors suck, and so do the study tables. *shudder* WLU library fuckin ROCKS compare to UW library.

4. timmy is a horrible friend. :(

5. yiay for bonding with roomies! i bonded with fran through talking about tuesday's very emotional music therapy class, hot music people, and string cults. :DDDD!! i'm "normal". :P i bonded with ian through...music, queer as folk, and tenacious D. hahah! good times, good times. and i bonded with amber through our having sex every night. :P!! damn straight. you're jealous.

6. i miss people.

7. fuck, i have to call my mother. i promised my dad i'd call her. arggghhh....

wee... im actually starting to get some work done. i did macgamut today. :) i really need to start my MT paper... i'm so screwed for that. i'm pretty sure i'm not going to make it into the program this year. cuz see, i don't have sufficient psych marks. oh well. i still want at least a B+ on this damn paper.

paul just gave me a good idea of what to write about. yiay! lung cancer.... (smoking cancer, according to paul. hahah!) it'd be interesting... i haven't thought of that. i know so many people who smoke. *sigh*.. please don't smoke, it's so bad for you. damn... paul just gave me another great idea. hehe i like my friends who are smart and help me with my homework. :)

jon is coming for the weekend, yiay! but i reallly have to start working on my paper, cuz i know i'm probably not going to get much work done this weekend. ah...

in other news... i'm still sick, but it's getting better. i haven't talked to my mom since sunday night... my dad called me last night (while i was actually doing theory) and asked if i want to talk to my mom, and i said "i'll talk to her if she wants to talk to me."... well, i guess she didn't cuz i didn't talk to her. meh. not my loss.

i read mar's blog last night, and i can't believe Cassie Claire still haven't finished the full Draco trilogy. i remember first starting the trilogy in, what, gr.9? 10? dammnnn... i started reading the trilogy over this past summer just cuz it's been THAT long... i'm still on DS. :)

anyway.. i'm gonna get back to work... but before i go, i just wanna say:

AMBER'S SO CUTE! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!

jackie, kevin: thank you guys sooooo much. really. :)

i went back to warren's place last night around 1:30. it was a good decision. after that post... i thought i was gonna die. garreck was there. i haven't seen him in so long. they helped me feel better. and warren made me dumplings. :) went home at 4. sorry trace, for waking you up.

anyway... i still feel like shit, and i'm sick. and it's cold outside.

i went.
i saw him. i cried. lydia gave me tissue. karen held my hand and we cried together. karen and i went to burn papers for him. my hand shook. we went up to the lounge and cried some more. karen, adrian and lydia left. me, kar kim, noaman, and kevin went back down. they left. po kit came. i held him, and i cried. he told me not to. but then he did too. i miss po kit, for real. it was such a special moment when me karen and po kit were together. no words were needed. we all knew. i love them so much. for real *heart*...

so much things sucked this weekend. i can't even put into words how much i feel like shit. maybe everyone is right. i just need some rest.

it's snowing.

***

someone please just end this.
i have problems.
i have to get over things.

take frances' darkest poetry, and that is what i feel like.
act upon impulses.

can i cut myself open?

fuck, i miss you. i hate memories that come back and haunt you.

it's been a rough week... one more day before i can get out of here and go back to where i'm needed.
i just want to thank a couple people:

PAUL: thanks sooooo much for being there for me. you're the bestest :) not even my girl friends take me out for a day. actually... no one has. can't wait til saturday. thanks :)

KEVIN (Jackie's bf): well, he's probably not gonna read this, but last night's talk helped sooooo much, you have no idea. i'm so glad i met you. :) thanks, mr. therapist.

FRANCES: i love you. you know.

CARMEN: you were there when i got the phone call, and i'm so glad you were. thanks for being there. :) see you on sunday. i know there's gonna be sooo many people, it's gonna be like a White Haven/ACI reunion...

IAN: please sing the Sound of Music again... it makes me laugh.


anywhoo... i know i haven't even posted about halloween yet. halloween was memorable this year. guelph was fun (i bought the coolest poster in guelph!)! but kat's party was so much better (sorry carmen, u know it's true). i did a bucket. it was brutal. thanks, ian. hahaha ian did the first bucket and ran to the bathroom coughing for like 5 minutes. it was hilarious. carmen and i drank lots. no, actually... i drank lots, and carmen just drank. and then carm rolled a nice big joint from the "Little Sins" book. muahaa. it was fun. then we went to kat's place.. omg.. amy was madonna, she looked awesome in her costume! then she went on her email and showed us her little brother's Edward Scissor Hands costume. holy shit... i really thought it was him for a minute, no kidding, til amy was like "yeah! that's my little brother!" it was that good. catherine's (cellist) costume was pretty cool too. apparently she was a punk, but i thought she looked more like the doll from Nightmare Before Christmas. hahha... oh, and then eric and ilana came and u know how eric is with his "thomas". so...it was fun. went home for a bit, and visited warren. then carmen changed back to regular clothes and we went back to kat's for a bit. came home at like... 2ish and went to bed. my whole day on monday was like a dream. my throat killed, and all i could think about was Aaron. orchestra never seemed so long. i played, but i honestly had NO idea what was going on...

i had a lesson today... and i actually told jeremy i didn't really do much work lately. but he still asked about school. oh well. jeremy's cool. he just came back from China. i'm playing for jang's accompanist class. dammit, i have to practise now. shit. hee hee. my corset arrived in the mail on tuesday. it's hot. :) haven't been talking to jon much. ah. i haven't even been thinking about him much lately... i dunno... haven't been one of my priorities at the moment. i know that sounds horrible, but i'm pretty sure i haven't been one of his either. so fuckit. fuckit, i say.

i've finally narrowed down my topic for the music therapy paper. i'm going to write about hospitalized children with leukemia and... umm... probably burn patients. but leukemia for sure. shit, this is so depressing. karen's not going to share a flower wreath with me. so pissed. whatever... i'll just take carmen's advice and buy a little bouquet by myself.

anyways... i think im actually going to do work now. i seriously haven't done any work for two weeks, except last night when i kinda practised for play and sing. whatever. i'm out.

Funeral is goin to take place on SUN, NOV 7th 3pm - 7pm Ogden Funerals Homes (Sheppard n Midland)

Hey everyone..
Well i think you knew that Aaron was suffering from blood cancer for almost a year now, and that he was in the hospital for most of the time. Now he has past away dued to lung infections which caused all the blood and bone marrow transplant to be destroyed by the medication he needed to take in the hospital to fight the infection. He left us on November 1st 12:05am. He was well loved by many, he was very friendly, and seem to be able to communicate with anyone. He was one of my bestest friends for 10 years. Never thought that this would be the cause which ended it and never this early. But our friendship and memories will live on in me. Thanks to all that cared or even thought about him. And a big thanks goes to the individuals that visited him, especially on his last day. I know it ment a lot to him. We should all be happy that he didn't suffer, he left peacefully. All in all, we didn't lose anyone, we gained an Angel. He will be missed and loved by all.

Kelvin,

Aaron J. Wang
Born: March 28, 1985
Died: November 1, 2004

FUCK...
okay.

fuck.. i can't even type this out.
i can't deal with this death shit anymore.

there IS a reason why i don't believe in God. there is no God. if there was a God, he wouldn't let 19 year olds die. he wouldn't let a 19 year old who have struggled and fought so much just go. and don't even tell me there's a fuckin purpose for him to go..

fuck.. i can't deal with religion either. fuck religion.

i want to be in toronto right now. but there is nothing i can do. why the hell can't i do anything?!



I LOVE YOU AARON....