wow... okay, before i start typing what i initially was gonna post about, i'd just like to say that i just went on the internet from my cell phone! it was cool...

ANYWAY...

okay, wow... the past weekend has been soooo incredibly umm... weird.
sarah's party was frickin amazing, to say the least...hahaha. oh man... i apologize for that last post. i was really really drunk. anyway, i thought it was quite funny. hahaha! oh but when i went to bed, i felt like i was dying. it actually really wasn't cool. i was numb.
the next day, saturday, i had a HUGEST hangover... for the entire day, i'm not even kidding. oh man.. it was soooo bad. but then i went out to brunch with my brother, and that went okay... y'know.

saturday was also another kind-of-life-changing day for me too, becuz i hung out with karen (cuz she was bored) and well, we went to white haven park and just sat on the swings and talked, and karen told me about aaron. OH MY GAWD..... ok... honestly... i came home after dinner that day with my brother and cousin, and i called paul, and we were first just talking about the party the night before (which i will probably go into detail later) and then i told him about aaron, and for fuck's sake... i started crying on the phone. omg.... i want to visit him sooooo bad. i know i have't talked to aaron in more than a year...maybe even two... but still... he used to be one of my best friends... and now he's so sick... fuck... life is so not fuckin fair...

anyway... yea.. so i was also on the phone with paul.... that was really interesting. apologized for being so stupid on friday and thanking him for helping me. and apparently, lots of stuff happened that i had absolutely NO idea i did... or happened. omg... it was sooo bad. oh oh! i'd also like to mention that i went to stc earlier that day and went to visit ben at west 49, and i was chatting with him and i said something really stupid. lol... it was hilarious. anyway... so apparently i did something while i was with matty....?!?! okay.... honestly, it really sucks, i really don't even know that happened... um.... okay.... anyways... oh yeah... i talked to eddy on saturday, and apparently he WAS waiting for me... only at tim horton's, goddammit. well i apologized to him already. and talking on the phone with matty was interesting... but i only remember parts of it. bah.

ok, anyway, saturday night, i went to waterloo with audrey cuz bernard was moving his stuff out of his rez and had to put his little fridge in my room and i had to open my house for him. so we did that, then we went back to his rez and starting packing all his stuff. it took sooooo long, omg... but audrey and i had some really cool convos in the car and while we were waiting for him. and in his rez too. at one point, bernard was like "hey drey, how do u know when a watermelon goes bad?" cuz he had half a watermelon in his room. and i replied "when there's no water in it!" hahaha oh geez.... i was still a little messed up. haha. after packing everything, we went to eat, and then drove home. and we even got lost. it wasn't very fun.

***

ok. i was at work today, and Mme Limeux came in! okay, she's like, my gr.7 science teacher. and i only had her for one year... and she still remembers me. haha. hilarious. and i JUST came back from dinner with my family, and guess who i saw?? Kevin Lam. omg.. i haven't seen that boy since, like.... i dunno, S.A.M?? anyways.. it was cool. he's at centennial, and he still talks to Andrew Liew. omg.. i haven't seen andrew liew since he moved like, sooooo long ago. and apparently, he saw Po Kit not too long ago too. *sigh* white haven memories..... hehehe. kevin was like "yeah, you changed a LOT!" and i was like "how...? physically?" and he's like, "yea, everything!" hahaha yiayyy.. i guess? actually dorothy wrote that in my yrbook in like...gr 12 or something too. change is good, i guess.

awww... i want a white haven reunion... that would seriously be soooo cool. i saw jennifer lee on the bus today. she didn't really change much, but she looks older. hehehe! yiay jen! haha aw man... i miss my white haven friends now. bah. i wonder how aaron is doing... *sigh*....

OH. MY. FUCING. GAED... OKAY.. SORRY IMSOOO DRUNK IRGHT. NOW. OPK IM JUST BLOGGING, SO I CAN READ THIS TOMRROWOWO WHEN IM SOBER AND READ HOW STUPID I AM.

WOW... . OKAY.... YOU KNOW, I JUST BARFED. THAT IS REALLY NOT COOL.
EDDY JUST DROVE ME HOME. AND THEN HE DICHED ME. OK,I TOLD HIM TO WAIT FOR ME.... BUT HE DIDN'T. WTF.

I TALKED TO MATTY ON THE PHONE. OMG... IT WAS WEIRD. HE TOLD ME TO CALL HIM.

WOW... MOST OF MY DRUNKENESSS WITH WITH JP. HE WAS COOL. I HAD FUN HANGING OUT WITH IHM. AND HE HELPED ME WHEN I WAS JUSTY ABOUT TO PASS OUT. I REMEMBER WHEN LYING ON THEB GRASS AND PEPLE POKING ME, TRYING TO GET ME TO GET UP...OK, TIHS IS THEWIRD....


OMG.... I NEED SONE WATER.

OMG.... IM GOING TO BED NOW.

HAHAHA THIS IS GONNA LOOK WEIRD IN THE MORINGIG

AM I GONNA BE ABLE TO GO TO ART CLASS??

THANKS AGAIN, JP...REALLY APPERCIATE IT...AND I LOVE YOUR GIGELE.... HEE HEE

kaleb got the boot! oh man.... he sucks too, it's no wonder.
anyway.....


so i see someone has blogged.
hmm...
wtf... i'm NOT angry. i'm over it. don't make it sound like it's my fault.... again! i'm tired of your shit.



holy fuck... great way to end the night.

omg..
ok, this is gonna be another canadian idol rant:

- i missed kalan's performance today!!! boo hoooo!!! but i still voted for him.
- jacob is fuckin HOT (see picture below), omg... *swoons* AND he's an amazing performer

- aww... apparently joshua got voted off last week... and he's the guy from sarnia too! awwww...
- and also, apparently, last week's topic was rock and roll. i can't believe i missed it!!! OHMYGAWD!!! grrrrr... i would've LOVED to watch jacob and kalan rock out. lol
- hahaha omg, after watching today's episode, i suddenly realized how kalan and AMY WALLACE kinda looks alike...hahahaha!!!! (for those of you who don't know her, she's this girl from my school...also a violinist) or...amy's brother, since they're both male, but amy and her brother practically look like TWINS

- argh... i still can't believe i missed kalan's performance today.....BOOOOOOURNS!!
- i love singing!

just for sarah's sake: baby norbert has about 45$ in his tummy now! whoo whoo!!

goddamn my stupid computer. internet's been down.
but anyway...
sunday was a good day, even work was pretty good. after work, rebecca and i talked and fought and argued for a whole fuckn hour. and then i couldn't reach nique, so em and i went out. dinner was great, and so was dancing in public- muahaha! decided to go to jack astor's for drinks! ran through stc first like a couple of drunken dykes. lol! it was hilarious! get into J.A: "hey it's my birthday! what do u recommend?" the bartender thinks for a minute, and comes back with tihs fuckin AMAZING cocktail. mmmm.... oh man, it was so fuckin delicious! after the drink, i'm ready to pay and he bartender says "we don't do this often, but since it's your birthday, this drink's on me" omg! :D!!! that, was amazing. shoot some pool, laugh at how horrible we are at it, take a couple of trips to the pee room, and we're back for another. i said to the bartender "ok, i want something purple." he thinks for a second and then nods. comes back with this grape drink. it was pretty strong, but good. i asked what the first drink was, and he said it was called a Fish Tank, and it's only available here. so i said ooooo and finished the grapey drink. mmm.... paid and left a huge tip (for the drink i got for free).

yesterday..... yesterday... dt with em (mike didn't come with us! boo hoo). check up for piercing, then HSC.. fuckin univ kids sitting around the information desk. gawd... they can't do anything. went up to the 4th floor, chatted with andre (no timbits tihs time), and he helped me find the mus. therapy woman's office, but she's on vacation. i told andre how he's better at information than the actual information kids. he laughed. then we went to see christine. talked about the lead in my body and other health related issues. got invited to the next pacermaker gathering. whoo whoo! it's gonna be fun, i better be free that weekend. my name's on the newsletter! i feel special... lol. (at this point, em would be most likely saying "yes...special needs!") left HSC, talked and em told me how she almost cried while we were talking with christine. awwww... i was like "why?" and she said "becuz we were taking about you! i don't want you to have a lead in your bodyyy!!" awwww... and then we headed to AGO. argh it's closed on mondays?! frickin...frackin.... so we hung out in the gallery shop for like an hour. pahhhh!! i wanna see MONET! *sniff*... walked around queen st. and black market, which was really crappy. went home. and the family shit begins again.

mm..... i need to get a life... or rather, a better one.
sorry billy.. i'm not always angry. just stupid people make me angry. and there are a lot of stupid people. myself included.

3 hours of work today... fun. training em. wow... i actually got her a job. i'm impressed. thank me and my wonderful arguing skills.

**

oh, and i just have to mention how excited i am for nique's party! for more reasons than one..... *grin*

oooohhh maaaaannnn...
just got home. what a killer night. *sniff sniff* i think i got a cold... or maybe it's just allergies. won't post much about it, but the best part: my cupcake, candle, and a song! *tear* oh i feel so loved! thanks andrew and sarah!

um... so yeah.. today's my birthday, but intead of being joyous, i'm incredibly tired and i also feel like shit. oh, and im also hungry. hmm... so what else is new? well at least today's a nice day! i can't believe i was having a conversation with both denny and mike about shrooms last night, that was the weirdest thing that could happen. bah humbug! buuuuuuut, i have found myself a loyal dealer.

anyway.... i have work in 25 minutes, and i'm starving. oh my gawd... mmm... tonight will be fun! i guess i'm not going to Taste of the Danforth, but can't wait to hang out with nique! yiaa-aayy...

oh! oh! i forgot to mention: I HAVE BABY NORBERT!!!!

so mark finally answered his phone, but he won't be able to make it tonight. stupid work. it was fun chatting up a storm with him though. muahaha! i am eternally grateful to maggie now! hahaha. i told him about nique's party, and he's probably gonna be able to come. yiay!

i was at stc with Em today (and maggie, cuz she was working) and we saw BEN!! (well, i see him quite often, but that's besides the point) and we commented on how he looks like a poet. hahaha! it was funnay! cuz he does!

anywhoo... HAPPY BIIRRFFFDAY SARAH!!!!! EYE LURRRRVE YOOOOUUU!!

good things:
- i successfully told my parents that i'm sleeping over at sarah's!
- i watched the full 2 hours of DC!
- went to stc and talked with maggie
- chilled with my cousin, who drove allll the way from mississississ...
- went to lcbo!! and krispy kreme (ramy wasn't working. blargh!)
- got free smoothies, and rebecca sweet talked with me, that bitch (she said "as long as you're happy!" <-- because we all know that she's afraid that i'm gonna quit for good)
- maggie is still going to try to call mark tonight. *cross fingers*
- denny and i shared a lottery ticket. muahaha

bad things:
- jen died!! omg!! poor amy! *sniff*...and jack is hot! even if he is gay with doug.
- i'm hungry
- maggie didn't call me last night. :( x like, a million
- rebecca didn't leave Cultures today, so maggie and i couldn't chill

things that happened today that are significant:

-talked to rebecca about quitting.... apparently, i'm not ....what the hecK?!
- good times chatting with maggie
- reallllyyy good times.
- talked about mark
- omg... maggie, you're gonna call him? ah shit! tee hee hee hee!!!
- okay call me tonight when he answers his damn phone.

anyways.... so that little rant was basically maggie trying to hook me up with mark. muahahaha!! (even though she denies going out with him before, i think she lies!)

i wanna go to boston pizza right now.

anywhoooooo... ERIC'S BIRTHDAY TOMORRROW!!!!
i'm outtie.

OHMIGAWD!! MY PRETTY FOREIGN BOY IS HOOOOOMMMMMEEE!!! YYAAAAYYYY!!!

post more later.

***
okay... so i went to TGH again today...






ok dammit.
sorry, i can't type right now. i've been chatting with Pat for a while, and it's making me sad, and i don't really want to write about hospital visits. Pat's such a dear... don't know what i'd do without him...

this will be a happy post, i promise...

K.D. LANG'S GOT A NEW CD!! OMG K.D LANGGGG!!!

*JOO- OOOHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNYYYYY- YYYYY*

***

so... i've been thinking about getting another piercing. or a tattoo. i haven't decided yet. tragus...left or right? i don't know. and for the tatt, probably one of my own designs. but where? don't know. any suggestions?

last night was fun.
i was on the phone with andrew abela for over an hour, and it was an eye opener. i cried some, and laughed some. got some advice. gave some advice. i'm not making that phone call........
on the phone with eric and cancelled my party. jeff ditched me, what a bastard. my mom started yeling at me for no fuckin reason. had a fight. cried some more. phone with em til 2:30am. eyes all poofy. i look like shit. not at the picnic. can't i rest for a fuckin day?!
just realized i can't work tomorrow and wednesday either.
i'm going to the hospital.
i'm going to die.
still haven't written that letter to my parents. how can you spill your thoughts and feelings to your parnets when they don't understand?

i'm a fuckin failure, yes i know. i can be a street kid. i drink and i smoke occasionally. i'm a hypocrite. let me go hang with my other street kid friends. if that is what you think i am.

do i want to face the people saturday night?
thanks a lot.... i was fuckin WORRIED about you. and tihs is what you led me to believe.


why the FUCK does this happen to me every year?

i know it's not something to joke about, but it feels like i have mild bipolar disorder.
fuck... one day im like crazy happy, and the next i feel like shit. it's probably just the time of year... fuckin.... 6 months already...
worried about carmen.... i hope she's okay.

some chinese orchestra is having a picnic tomorrow and my mom is making me go cuz she thinks i should go meet musicians and build connections. fuck.... i've been sleeping like past 3 every night... getting up before 10 every morning (which is pretty early for someone who sleeps at 4am) and she expects me to go to that fuckin picnic tomorrow all the way in fuckin...lake simcoe?! we have to get there by 10am?! gawd... my ONE day off... and this is what i have to do.

fuck... rick came by cultures today. so fuckin annoying, pissed me off. i don't want to play tennis with you!! god fuckin dammit, leave me alone!!

okay...gotta go.

***

it's past 3... again.
please someone fuckin shoot me becuz i don't want to be trapped anymore.

once was enough, i just wanted to try, you said.
and now my worst fears have become real.
but im such a fuckin hypocrite.

6 months... half a year. what can i say?