halloween was kinda shit, other than the fact that i got to dress up. me and aurora just went to diff. places incl. dan haid's place. crazy. yay music parties, but not really becuz i barely hang out with any of them any more. stopped by the Rude. saw nate shaughn rachel rory (!) cam and coryyy(!!) well i guess shaughn and nate and i are okay now. i don't know? whatever, i don't really care.

went to starlight for a bit...12$ cover! wtf. well, aurora paid for me, so that's ok.. went back to dan's place and there was a styrofoam fight. bah. anyway.... aurora got uber drunk and it was not fun getting home because she kept going on about nick storring. ugh. anyway... that's about it. i want candy.

geog. lab today was actually not so bad. i learneded. :) i can now watch the weather channel and understand what they're talking about!

oh... on sat. when kat and aurora got home from the choir concert, kat told me that cynthia...died.?
wtf?
i'm pretty sure it's the cynthia i know. johnson? french horn? boyfriend who works at long and mcquade?
fuck.
can't believe it.
why do friends die around this time of year?

2 more days til 2 yrs since Aaron died. damn... it's been two yrs already.... feels like last month. *sniff*

i wanna go to Cynth's funeral. shit... i need to get in touch w/ Brandon (her bf).... and maybe delete her off my MSN list? hm... and also, i guess i can't return her book to her anymore. shiat.

makes me think of how quickly and easily people, esp. friends can go. honestly... i remember it wasn't too long ago i saw her online. and maybe a month ago last time i talked to her about school in Nipissing. anyone of us could be next. goddammit, thinking. i am sad. comfort me?

alright, i'm outtie.

***

edit: ok so it is the Cynthia i know. just went to L&M to see if brandon was working. he wasn't. i just left a message with someone who worked there. called Beth to see if she was gonna go tomorrow, but she's not home, so i left a message as well. so we'll see. hard not to cry on the bus, because reality sunk in.

-no love for shaughn and nate for what happened last week with the txt messages

-yay i'm passing cognitive psych!

-boo i'm failing learning psych

-back in scarbro til... uh, tomorrow .... halloween parties!!! i wanna go club-hopping... gotta see if aurora is up for that

-got a new red corset top at le chateau! will work for my costume (fairy!) and will also look nice for Christmas!

-me + my brother = not friends

-more later!

went in to the Rude last night...wanted to talk to Heidi about my money, but she was so busy fucken flirting with every male specimen in the damn restaurant. fucken dyke. lol... she knew i was standing there waiting for her to fucken stop talking. ugh. i'm gonna have to try and find Brad's (the owner) email and tell him about it directly.
the good thing i was there though.... i saw my favourite kitchen boys last night! Shaughn, Nate, and Seabass (still gorgeous)!! *heart* Nate cut his hair! fiiiiinallyyyy... lol... it looks good! oh, i miss my rude boys... hehehe

starlight last night with a bunch of internationals... it was fun! but i don't think a lot of them liked it. ah well! some random guy started talking to me, so i started talking to him. hahaha i haven't done the hot random thing in a while... it was cool. and he was actually pretty hot! lol i know! he invited me to this party in some hicksville next week... haha... so i gave him my number and maybe he'll call. :P

anywhoo.... wind ensemble concert today. i almost forgot! and i have to HM it too! haha imagine if i forgot....lol....that would be terrible! hm.. i wonder who will be ushering it. i'm really gonna have to take charge today. no stepping all over mandy. muahaha

alright... im outtie.

why is it that everytime you try to forget something bad that happened in your life, someone always manages to bring it up again? it's like they're doing it on purpose or something. shit. so my cousin called me last night, while i was in the concourse talking to johanna and florence, and started asking me about stuff with my brother and my mom. yes... another person to convince how much of a bitch i am, but i don't care.
or maybe i do, but i'm suppressing it?
i don't know.
point is... i deal with my problems. i don't go prancing around getting other everyone involved and let them solve my problems while i sit here and sulk.

this past weekend in TO was pretty fun friday, hung out with mikey in the afternoon, tried getting pierced, but that didn't happen cuz apparently, im anatomically challenged. :( i'll do it eventually...muahahaha... and then mikey and i went to see micky. i haven't seen that guy in almost 3 yrs! holy crap. it was good seeing him. after we left, mikey went home cuz he had to work at a concert, and i went to meet nicolas. we went to his apartment, looked at pictures from montreal and video clips. haha his roommate is pretty antisocial. i tried making conversation with her, but she was just kinda ignoring me, or giving me one-word answers. ah well... nico and i just chilled in his room. after all the pics were sorted/exchanged, we went to eat. it was pretty cool... we were gonna go to hard rock cafe, but the wait was sooo long. so we just went to get pizza. haha... good convos about life and childhood and significant others. :)

saturday... went to ikea with my mom, then dt and hung out with joey. it was cool seeing him again. just walked around eaton center, went to a couple of comic book stores, and then to the sound post. called up nico, and joey called up his friend josh. we all chilled together. joey probably thinks me and nico are craaaazy! lol...we kept laughing. but josh is suuuuuch a nerd. lol! more than joey, i think. hahaa... but that's cool. we just hung out at wendy's and talked.... then went home.

orchestra concert was awesome! congrats to ANDREA!!!! YYAAAYYYY!!! that girl is friggin amazing. anywhoo.... im tired again. all the damn time. and my brother is fuuuuuct. seriously.

anywho.... off to bed i go.

ok i wrote this long post last night then my comp fucked up.... so i'll try again.

so i went to montreal with fanny, some other international students, and nicolas last weekend. it was pretty fun! well... sometimes it was stressful. mainly for me, since i was with a friggin huge-ass group of frenchies, and all they were doing was speaking french. it sucked. saturday, did a lot of sightseeing, met a lot of fanny's friends. sunday was fun, went to olympic stadium, drove around, visited ecole polytechnique, since olivier goes there. it was fun. that night we went to st. hunbert's for thanksgiving dinner, but we had chicken. hahah... damn frenchies don't celebrate thanksgiving. lol. anyway... after dinner was when the bad stuff happened. first our car got towed away in the parking lot. we had to fork out 100$ and sit in a weirdo's car to get it back. sooooo sketchy. then i drove olivier home, with bad FRENCH instruction. fuck.. so pissed off. then when i dropped him off, they were all just chatting for a while, and i started crying cuz i was sooooo stressed and upset. anyway... whatever.... then nico drove, and when he got to our hostel, he tried parallel parking, but he wasn't used to driving automatic, and the street was crazy steep, and he crashed into the car in front of us, and that car crashed into the car in front of that! crazy! but it was late at night and no one saw, so we just left. needless to say... i parked. ha.

the only good hing to come out of it was that that night we had a looong talk in our room, in ENGLISH, so that was good. it's kinda sad to think that it took a towed car and a crash to get them to converse in english. *sigh*...anyway...

the next day, olivier bussed all the way to see us off. it was so awkward between us. ugh... i hate when that happens. he's such a great great guy... i felt so bad about it. but at the same time... not really. but yea... i'm gonna invite him to come to toronto maybe. so we can hang out. :)

driving back was cool. stopped by ottawa. the weather was PERFECT. we just chilled, walked around, ate lunch on parliament hill. sooo beautiful. i think it was the best day of the weekend for me :)

anyway... the last couple of days have been pretty shitty... tired all the time and such. bah. well, going back to TO in 20 minutes. yay i get to hang out with people who matter!! *heart*

alright...i'm outtie...

i miss shaughn. seriously... he's such a great friend. he's like my big brother. *heart*

today was a better day. got to talk to alan, and he taught me some things. skipped human geog. cuz well... i just didn't feel like going. cognitive wasn't too bad... and learning suuuucked... as usual. but i doodled today, and i got a new idea for my next painting! i love how ideas just pop out of nowhere sometimes.

and now i'm talking to joey... i'm trying to make him feel better, cuz he had a bad day. i really wanna cheer him up, cuz he cheered me up when i was sad. awwwww how cute. lol.

anywhoo.... don't have much else to post about. going to montreal tomorrow, so that should be fun. alright.... ta-ta

went in to the Rude yesterday. finally got to see shaughn! oh i miss that guy heheh. it was nice to chat. and tim louis! aww... i miss Rude people...
well.... some... haha.... but yea... it was nice yesterday. shaughn drove me hmoe after.
anyway.... montreal thing isn't working out perfect... TD better have my credit card! oh man.... anyway.... post more later.... i have class.

edit: KATRINA IS FUCKIN CRAZY!!!!

TD is craaaaaaappy!!!
omg... it's been 3 weeks and i still haven't gotten my credit card. they lost it again. dammit.
anyway... cognition midterm tomorrow... i dunno if i am ready yet. haha maybe i should stop blogging and study. hmm............nah. lol. well i will in a bit.

anyway... um.... nothing else to blog. today is a better day.

rammstein is sexy.

wow, what a weekend. on the whole, it was waaaaaaayyyy too long. good god. fanny and johanna came with me. fri. night, got home at 8ish.. went to steph's house, met allen. joan and esther also there. wow, they changed so much. materialistic girls. bah. me fanny and johanna drove to pmall for dinner, but it was closed... so went to all sorts of diff. places... finally just ate at a food court. then went to urban lounge to meet up with steph. fuck....sooooo many cbc's. not used to it. so we left pretty early. sat. went dt. eaton center pretty much all day. met up with florence and joelle. that night, went home for dinner, then picked up paul and then to mark's house to pick up mike. we actually stayed at mark's for a bit, chatting. he was having some sort of party, so there were lots of people there. well... that whole group of kids they all hang out with. it was actually really weird.... well mainly because i don't know half of them, and the ones i do know, i'm not really friends with. ok..and well... matty was there. i actually talked to him a bit, caught up a bit. sooo awkward tho.

then we left to guv. got lost on the gardiner. but made it anyway. nicolas, fanny's friend was all decked out hahah.. it was cool... he's very nice. so yea... and then while we were waiting in line, johanna and i kinda got into an arguement. fuck... so pissed off about it. but whateves. but anyway.... we kinda made up a tiny bit before we went in, becuase i didn't want us to ignore each other and stuff. so yeah.... omg... guvernment was fuckin awesome. sooooooooo much better than shitty waterloo clubs. even way better than velvet, actually. im really starting to get into techno and electronic music. scary, huh? but whatever... i had a great time! got home at 4am.

tihs morning, i went to the pacing buddies gathering at HSC. met andrea and joey, the two other "graduates" that were speaking in front of all the people. joey and i pretty much hung out the entire time. he's soooo nice. AND he's had the same operations as me! whoooooo :P so yeah.. i told him to come visit me in loo, and he told me to visit him in sauga. then he told me he probably won't come to loo, but then he told me to come to sauga anyway, so can hang out at square one. lol...but i actually might do that. i can talk to him about stuff i don't usually talk about to my other friends and actually have them understand. so it's all good.

anyway..... i am really glad to be back in loo, but there's still some tension between johanna and i, which sucks. i seriously feel like crap. but it'll pass, hopefully. i'm talking to mikey on msn as im writing tihs, he's making me feel better. :) *heart* i love my friends.

alright.... battery running low... i'm outtie.

wnet in to the rude tonight (well, technically last night) so see if heidi had my cheque and to buy stuff off ryan and to talk to shaughn. but alas, none of them were there. but guess who was closing again?
haha yea sebastian. he closed last thursday when i went in too, but i didn't talk to him last time. tonight, i actually had a conversation with him in the kitchen and outside in the back. well, pootz was there for the first part, but then this new girl, ashley, came out and complained about not getting her food, so pootz went back in. and well.... katrina was there too, since i used her car. but i guess it was good, cuz it made things less awkward. dammit, i haven't actually had a full conversation with sabby in sooooo long. like before i asked him out. and now, i can't stop thinking about him. goddammit. but in any case, i'm glad things are not as awkward as they COULD be. so it's a good thing. i wish i could get over him more, but i can't.

anyway... going back to TO tomorrow with fanny and johanna! i'm actually really excited! but i didn't get to finish all my work. argh. i will probably have to get up early to do some stuff before we go. argh.... boo-fucking-urns. anyway..... alright.... i'm outtie.

i got a postcard from Geoff today!!! it has hot German boys on it, hahaha!

argh... school sucks so much. the only classes i actually enjoy going to are my geography labs. some of them are tough, but i love working with actual people, rather than just sitting in a lecture. got to meet people too! and i got to draw maps!

uh...anywhoo... i got a poster of hot girls frenching at the poster sale last week. hahaha it's hawt. :P oh! annnnnd i booked a day to get my grad photos taken! ohmygad i'm graduatingggggg!!!!! how exciting!

bah... anyways i'm getting distracted so im just gonna go. ta

argh.... i was so disorganized today. it was really frustrating...
went to the rude to yell at heidi, but alas, she wasn't working. bitch, i want my money!!!!! shaughn also wasn't working... and i wanted to talk with him!
and then fanny and i went to caesar martini's with all the international students. it was good times. ugh... i don't like that the hot german dude is always hanging around that little asian chick mentor. she annoys me.... a lot. girgou was sooooo drunk. it was pretty funny. we had this convo about relationships and how im kinda shy about talking to pretty boys. hahaha...
anyway, i think fanny and i bonded tonight! it was good times, shes such an awesome person :). johanna came sooo late, cuz she had to attend this bday party. fanny and i wanted to go home sooo bad, but johanna insisted that we wait for her, so we did, because we're so nice (ha ha)... but when she got there she didn't want to leave (of course) and then she saw that we looked so bored, and so she was like "if you don't want to be here, you can go home, i'm gonna stay"... that commente, even though i know she didn't mean anything bad by it, really bothered me. i mean.... we fuckin waited for her for an hour, she doesn't even say thanks, and then she brushes us off after she sees other people she knows?! that's not really fair... so fanny and i just went home, and made dinner (yes, at 2am) and watched the sweetest thing. heheh good movie! i had to explain so many slang terms to her... it was funny though, cuz she kept asking me if people actually say it, and i kept answering yes. (fanny: "don't be a dick....? what's a dick? do people actually say that? can i say it?" me:"a dick means a person who is afraid or nervous.... it also means the male genital part. i don't think it's a good idea to say it to everyone.... hahaha")

anyway... then johanna came home at 3... and joined our movie. i don't know if she sensed that i was a liiiiittle distant with her, but nevertheless. oh, and she borrowed my shirt this evening, which i graciously lent her, but while were all in my room, i reminded her to give it back, and she said something like "i can't have it?" or something.. hm.... WTF?!?!??!
anyway... she still has it right now, so i will get it back from her in the morning.

alright.... time for sleep.

wow..... i haven't written here in sooooooooooooo long!
i hope people still read this. i don't know who would though.

anyway, my summer's end has been bittersweet. lots of fun reunions and parties, esp mine, eric's and sarah's birthdays at velvet. good times! on my actual birthday, nate, natalie, and i went to fubar with some of nate's friends. i saw so many ppl i know there! WARREN!!! *heart!* so....yea... other updates, i quit the rude native, mainly because i seriously can't stand the management anymore. it sucks because i really really miss some people there, namely shaughn, nate, ryan, and all the old crew. i also built character by asking a boy out. it was fuckin damn hard.... but i did it. i got rejected. pah. oh well... i'm glad i sucked it up and did it though, because now i will never have to wonder if it could ever happen. yay for life experiences! oh.... if y'all don't know who it was, it was sebastian. yeayea.... anyway... a million thanks goes to my dear shaughn for helping me out so much and being such an awesome friend. *heart!*

oh, and i quit drinking after my birthday. i'm gonna test my will and see how long i can go with it. it's been good so far. i only had one downfall, but it was only because mel came back to wloo to visit, and we went to ren. and she talked me into doing a shot with her.

crazy bad times with raj, the horrible subletter roommate. but he's gone now, and currently i have 3 new roommates, two of which are international students, and katrina, a mus. student. johanna, fanny and i get along great. best roommates i've ever had, but katrina.... she's a strange one. really. none of us like her. last weekend, first weekend since school started, we hung out 3 nights in a row.... thursday at the flying dog (i saw bethany!!!), fri at rev, and sat at alaxy cinema. yay international students!!!!! seriously, all the people i've been hanging out with are international students. it's great, i've been meeting tons of people. hot international boys!!!!! :D well, the guys i see most often aren't really that hot, but they're super nice. a bunch of germans, and chin! hahaha the crazy chinese dutch boy. lol... it's awesome though, when i first met him, i thought he was gonna say he's from china or something.... but i never expected netherlands to be the answer. but it's awesome, he speaks dutch!!!

i'm trying to learn german now, because of my roommate johanna. she taught me so many words already, it's great! wierluch!! hahahahahaha!!! (inside joke) german culture and germany is sooo interesting. ahhhhhhh.... i'm gonna go there someday. hehehe so yea, we all went to see a movie sat. night, and the girls and chin went to see the last kiss, and it made me so sad..... i actually thought of matty. omg, i know. crazy. someone slap me. but the rest of the night, chin was bugging me about which part i cried in and why. i told him to leave me alone. haha but then we all wnet to morty's afterward, and him, johanna and i got into a conversation about relationships, and then i did tell them the reason.

school-wise.... it's going okay. i have labs!! it's actually not too bad, i get to draw maps! hahaha! lots of reading though... reading all the time. and i only have one female teacher. pah. but she's cool. i didn't get into orchestra. surprise surprise. ugh.... i'm not impressed with the violin section and penderecki this year. 15 new violins?? not cool. i worked sooooo hard to prepare for my audit. too. fuckin penderecki. anyway....

i am really tired, so maybe i'll just post again tomorrow. i only have one one-hour class tomorrow. night night!

so today was a pretty good day, considering yesterday was so shitty. i worked a split today, so it gave me hours. (7.42 to be exact) lunch was quite good, and after that i studied a bit outside and watched the rain. then sebastian arrived (and was sooo hot) and hung outside with me and told me about his trip to the big rave thing and florida. we also talked about dancing in the rain, and rainbows, and other...raves. heh. dinner was also good. steady and stuff... our party of 27 went super, and i loved how sabby actually told off shaughn for slacking off talking to alison. heh heh... i got cut around 10, then actually left, cuz the band sucked. while i was walking home, my brother called, to tell me that audrey arrived! i was gonna call when i got home anyways, but no matter. i heard baby anya in the background, got to chat with audrey, and i even talked to cassia!! for the first time! *heart!* oh mian, she is sooooo cute. it totally made my night. when i got to my house, my house neighbour was taking a walk outside, so i went to talk to her. her baby is coming soon, so i gave her my number and told her that anytime she needed help, she should call me. sidenote: i also want to play with the baby. haha!