not going home this weekend afterall. gotta go job searching. bah. and winds ensemble, and choir performances to attend. i have a duty to support my friends. lol right. anyways....

bah, jury coming up... so stressed... totally not ready! i have a Beth Anne on friday. (hahaha i think Liz and i are the only ones who actually make practises with Beth Anne a noun. "I have a Beth Anne later") anyway... yeah... Jeremy's gonna be there too, maybe. ahhh!! wish me luck. Beth Anne's office always makes me nervous.

gotta call Elena... oh man.. i really don't want to talk to her... that beeeeyotch. lol

oh! oh! International Exchange info session tonight! YAY! i wanna go away. i wanna go to The Netherlands. or Germany... either one. well, according to the exchanges paper, there's only one that's for music, and that's Germany.. ah well. Germany's cool. it's my name! lol... inside joke. but it would be sooo cool if i could go to The Netherlands. *sigh* hee hee well, we'll see. anywhooo... bah. two more days of school. counting down....

***
these are the breeds of bunnies i would like to have:


Netherland Dwarf


Polish Bunny


American Fuzzy Lop (maybe not in this colour though)


Mini Lop (again, maybe another colour)


eeee!! i want a bunny!

welp, we're done with the suicide shit. onwards to schizophrenia. i was THIIIIS close to falling asleep in it. and in religions. ... and music at noon. and masterclass. so, basically, every where i went today. soooo tired. whatever. i was considering not going to music at noon, but it's the last one of the year, and it's the Penderecki Orchestra, so i felt i had a duty to attend. bah.
brendon bought me food today, cuz i didn't have my one card, and i was hungry, and down. and i learned that he's staying for summer theory. so i'm thinking more of staying. still gotta check if emilia can live with me. i want a bunny. i want to live here.

should i go home this week? bahhh.... maybe. maybe not... maybe.


***
what a horrible night. besides my family, i have never been so angry at one person and one thing EVER. so disappointed. so hurt. and you don't even know.
bet i was a replacement for Andrea the entire time. goddammit. everything you told me before was bullshit. should've known. whatever. no point to get upset over it now. i wish you two well.

***
Thanks for letting me over Michael Jang. umm... yeah. sorry for ruining your little "movie date". hahaha whoopsie! anime was cute! and so's ______. Go for it! I'll support you. hahaha. but you gots to support me for you-know-who! *wink*
i'm outtie.

why?
why why why?
why does this always fucking happen to me?
why is there psych tomorrow?
why are we still learning about goddamn suicide?!
why am i always the one at fault?
why am i always the one getting stepped on?
why didn't i get that phone call?

they all let me down. ALL of em. why? what did i do wrong, cuz i'd REALLY like to know.

AAAHHHH!!!

YAY!!! CONGRATULATIONS TO TIM, WHO GOT INTO THE UNIVERSITY OF WATERLOO!!! WHOO-WHOO!!!!

(still waiting for Laurier...)

wow.. what a great night.

-Jersey Girl was soooo good. made me cry so much. i think it's going in my "favourite movies" list now. love it!
-HP3 teaser poster!! it's preeeettyyyy
-sneaked into Secret Window. haha good start... kinda freaky
-left halfway, to be with my orchestra buddies at Huther's
-no Paul Pulford?!?! what the heck?? that totally blows (not literally)
-was sooo great, even though Andres and Rod kept poking my cotton candy
-Amy drinks beer?!
-awesome convos with Tom, Heather, Rod, and most importantly, Ilana (cuz she ROCKS! and she rocked the hall with her amazing violin skills)
-thanks Heather for buying us chicken wings
-Johnny's wonderful toast to Paul (although he wasn't there), Nick, Diana, Ilana, and all the other soloists.
-yay foot patrol walking me home at 1:30am!

other random points:

-Rod and Tom reminded me that play and sing is tomorrow. fucker. i can't play the goddamn piano!!
-the bad thing i was gonna post before... no worries. i'm not gonna post it. it's just about my car
-Marijn in Detroit tomorrow. crossing fingers for a phone call

wow..
the concert was INCREDIBLE. no, incredible would be an understatement. i can't think of a better, more successful concert i've played in my life (maybe except Armenian Dances in gr.12 band) but this concert was unbelieveable. Brandon's singing brought tears to my eyes, and Scheherazade was too awesome for words. oh my god... what an experience!
*reminiscing*....ahhh.....

i have some kind of bad stuff to post about, but i can't be bothered at the moment...

well!
some of us are getting over it faster than others....



itinerary(sp?) for the day: orchestra practise, performance, rez movie, HUTHERS!!!

*with a goony smile on my face* im so mellow right now..listening to Dirait On... ahhh... memories...
...
darn i don't even remember what i was going to post about...
umm..
i think i am slowly getting over it...and healing. maybe? i don't know.. but i think i am. it's a good thing. i still have to stay away for a while longer. i don't want to get sucked into all that again. i did a lot of reflecting today. and i just came to the conclusion. i've realized what's happening, so it's all good... sorta. in a way, it's good, but on the other side it's not too good. but only time will tell what's going to happen. i think it's time for another letter. ... tomoorow. i'm tired and listening to good music. i can't be bothered. :)

ha Tim wants to be MY friend. lol mister popular.
Mar: the new HP trailer really isn't *NEW*. it's just been refined. ha. and there's no diff. between the full length trailer and the teaser trailer. i've seen both. and btw, the new HP website layout is done! it's pretty damn amazing, if i say so myself! and Buckbeak is so cute! haha!


Orchestra practise was fun! (except Meistersinger, or however the hell u spell it). i don't like that piece. too crazy hard. omg, i am honestly going to miss Brandon (aka van Gogh) and his singing next year. gotta go to his 4th year recital. (and Cheryl's too, cuz she's my heroin haha) anyways.. Scheherazade is sooo going to rock the hall tomorrow, i'm soooo excited! :)
Marijn's going to detroit on monday. ahh! so close, yet so far... and i can't even cross the border (no passport). darnit. then NFLD. everywhere except Ontario? poooop. oh well, what can i do, eh? at least he promised me emails throughout the journey. yay!

anyways, so last night, i was talking with Emilia, and it was a real eye opener. like, new concepts and stuff. it was sad, yet so true. made me think of it, and everything differently. and guess who msned me today? ha. anyways... moving on....

actually, i don't have anything else to post. i JUST remembered i had a mock final for skills yesterday. goddammit. i totally forgot. ahhh oh well. whatever.

last words: REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR CLOCKS FORWARD AN HOUR TONIGHT!!

wow... today has been one crazy fuckin day. 3 hours of sleep, then skills dictation? no... can't do it. came back and slept for 2 and a half hours. sleep, eat and orchestra's all i've been doing lately. goddamn. emotions fly high with my hero (Brandon van Gogh) singing Bizet and Scheherazade. can't believe it. it's gonna be AMAZING.

welp.. anyways, too much drama going on last night. ridiculuas. too long to type out. so i'm gonna leave.

a fucking insomniac, that's what i'm fucking turning into.

fuck.

alright. it seems that it is finally over. i honestly don't know what to think. the past three nights have been too hard. can't stop thinking about us. the greatest thing that's happened to me ironically developed into the worst thing that's ever happened to me. but if this is the way it has to be, then okay. i can't do anything about it. and if this is what you call revenge, you've succeeded. congratulations.



please someone kill me.






























no, i'm already dead.

random shit:
- a thousand thanks to Mel and Colleen last night
- American Idol --> Matt Rogers is out... ARGH! can't believe it...
- no psych for me today... can't handle it! gotta lay low for a while...
- WLU Symphony Orchestra rehersals rock... Sunday is going to be awesome :)
- chats with Marijn + new pics (hot ones! rrrrr)
- late night movies
- Wilf's interview-- meh...
- WCH rez dinner (thx Cole for shoes!)

Josh Groban- Broken Vow
Tell me his name I want to know
The way he looks and where you go
I need to see his face, I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
while I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I let you go I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go now that I've found
a way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch the one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time?

I let you go I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go now that I've found
a way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

I close my eyes and dream of you and I
and then I realize
there's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul to hold you once again
and never let those moments end

I let you go I let you fly
Now that I know I'm asking why
I let you go now that I've found
a way to keep somehow
More than a Broken Vow.

oh, yeah... Wilf's called me for an interview! YEAH BABY! something to look forward to finally...

and i think i have found my "safe haven". who would've thought: the practise rooms. (!) seriously though... it's small, it needs painting, but i love that place. always welcoming and safe and there when i need to calm down. and practising's always good for me, even when it brings out all the emotions. but each time i leave, i feel better than i did when i came in. i wish i can live there... well, maybe just spend one night there. ha. anyways, i think i'm gonna watch a movie then head to bed early. god knows, i need a good sleep.