dinner with Alishia last night (or... Tuesday night) was awesome. it was really great seeing her again, and having that heart to heart was really important. i'm glad we got to do it. :)

i went to the Fairchild TV office today to meet with the researcher dude who was gonna do my story for the HSC telethon. my mother came with me because i honestly don't know all the details, and i don't think i would be much help to him. anyway, so my mother came up with me, and basically (i mean, she did) told him my entire medical history starting from birth. in Cantonese, obviously. i had a really difficult time feeling comfortable, partly because i understood 50% of what they said, and i couldn't really respond, since my mother was doing all the talking. i just sat there like an idiot. i talked maybe three times. it sucked, because it felt like i was really stupid, and i couldn't answer their question (yup, just one) in Cantonese, and i felt REALLY uncomfortable with my mom sitting there beside me. at the end of the story, this other researcher/interviewer guy walked in. the original guy i was gonna meet told us he was gonna come, but he was really late. so i had to sit there while he recited my mother's story about me to the other guy in front of us. i felt like all they wanted was this amazing great story to make them look good. it was pretty bad. and then they started talking to my mom about filming in my house in scarborough, to which i said "do you really have to?" they didn't really say anything, but my mother replied "it's i who have to do all the work of cleaning the house" and blahblahblah... whatever, bitch. i don't even fucking live there. i'm starting to not want to do this anymore. it's so.... fake. just like the time i went to China. i mean, it was a great experience and i made awesome friends, but the filming part was seriously fake. it was so scripted. and this is like that too. and i didn't realize tihs til later on in the day, but i was pretty uncomfortable with telling my entire medical history to two total strangers whom, by the way, did not leave that great an impression on me. i know... it's not all about me and what i want, but still... i don't know if i like sharing all that information with thousands of people, just so they can feel sorry for me and then donate to the hospital. i'm not saying that HSC is a terrible place, i LOVE that place, i really do. but...i dunno... it feels like they're just taking advantage of me. no one (not even Anita) asked whether i was okay with it. like, when i saw her yesterday, she pretty much said "we need to you volunteer for us with answering phone calls and such. it's better if they hear from an actual patient." so i was like..um... okay...sure. and while i'm on the subject of Anita, she was telling me how i'm the oldest out of the bunch of kids that's gonna be on the show, and they really want me to be like the "big sister", which is great for them, i guess... but again, it's so fake!! i'm supposed to be something that they can look forward to being in the future, but really, what did i accomplish? nothing. arghhh...

anyway... wow, that was a nice rant. i'm glad i got it out. i gotta get some sleep and work on my history essay in the morning.