well, apparently, the Teaparty broke up. this is very sad news indeed, for they have been one of my favourite bands in the last couple of years.

anywhoo... last night at the Rude was crazay! Moebius nights are always a treat, if you're up for crazy drunk adults dancing to overplayed music (not my cup of tea). Kelly was supposed to call me after i finished work so we could chill or whatever, but she never did, so i just hung out and drank my free alcohol and watched olympic hockey. haha... Sebastian came in with his friend and it was fun conversing with him. i hardly do, so it's always a treat, even if he is violent. and he dissed my violin :( argh... but it's alright cuz i dissed his trance and house. he just doesn't appreciate good music. heh heh..

um... anyway... i'm anxious about tomorrow and getting my assessment results. i wonder if there is anything wrong with me. probably not, and if there is, it'll probably be minor. but we'll see.

alright, i'm outtie.

dinner with Alishia last night (or... Tuesday night) was awesome. it was really great seeing her again, and having that heart to heart was really important. i'm glad we got to do it. :)

i went to the Fairchild TV office today to meet with the researcher dude who was gonna do my story for the HSC telethon. my mother came with me because i honestly don't know all the details, and i don't think i would be much help to him. anyway, so my mother came up with me, and basically (i mean, she did) told him my entire medical history starting from birth. in Cantonese, obviously. i had a really difficult time feeling comfortable, partly because i understood 50% of what they said, and i couldn't really respond, since my mother was doing all the talking. i just sat there like an idiot. i talked maybe three times. it sucked, because it felt like i was really stupid, and i couldn't answer their question (yup, just one) in Cantonese, and i felt REALLY uncomfortable with my mom sitting there beside me. at the end of the story, this other researcher/interviewer guy walked in. the original guy i was gonna meet told us he was gonna come, but he was really late. so i had to sit there while he recited my mother's story about me to the other guy in front of us. i felt like all they wanted was this amazing great story to make them look good. it was pretty bad. and then they started talking to my mom about filming in my house in scarborough, to which i said "do you really have to?" they didn't really say anything, but my mother replied "it's i who have to do all the work of cleaning the house" and blahblahblah... whatever, bitch. i don't even fucking live there. i'm starting to not want to do this anymore. it's so.... fake. just like the time i went to China. i mean, it was a great experience and i made awesome friends, but the filming part was seriously fake. it was so scripted. and this is like that too. and i didn't realize tihs til later on in the day, but i was pretty uncomfortable with telling my entire medical history to two total strangers whom, by the way, did not leave that great an impression on me. i know... it's not all about me and what i want, but still... i don't know if i like sharing all that information with thousands of people, just so they can feel sorry for me and then donate to the hospital. i'm not saying that HSC is a terrible place, i LOVE that place, i really do. but...i dunno... it feels like they're just taking advantage of me. no one (not even Anita) asked whether i was okay with it. like, when i saw her yesterday, she pretty much said "we need to you volunteer for us with answering phone calls and such. it's better if they hear from an actual patient." so i was like..um... okay...sure. and while i'm on the subject of Anita, she was telling me how i'm the oldest out of the bunch of kids that's gonna be on the show, and they really want me to be like the "big sister", which is great for them, i guess... but again, it's so fake!! i'm supposed to be something that they can look forward to being in the future, but really, what did i accomplish? nothing. arghhh...

anyway... wow, that was a nice rant. i'm glad i got it out. i gotta get some sleep and work on my history essay in the morning.

meeting Anita Mah today was fun.
the science center with Tim was fun (although Body Worlds was sold out again).
coming home was definately NOT fun. i'm so used to not saying anything, having that talk/fight with my mother last night felt me feeling vulnerable. i can't wait to go back to Loo tomorrow.

i miss the real thing.

though it all looks different now, i know it's still the same...

the past two days have been better. home was okay. when my dad was driving me back to Loo, we actually had a conversation. ooooooh. and even more surprisingly, it wasn't about school. ooooooooooohhhhh

i studied history a bit in the library with Keith, Larissa and Duncan yesterday, then worked. i have never worked on a sunday before, so when i went into the Rude, i was like "who's singing?!" then i remembered that it was Tim Louis. :) yay Tim!! it was a nice short shift, no stress. but it did feel really weird to be there on a sunday.

today was actually a pretty good solid day, even though i didn't really know what day it was for most of the day. not having skills this morning threw me off track. but it was a good day. i met the new counsellor, who is awesome. and i got a nice cheque for my assessment.

i really need to get back to studying history, but i'm so sick of listening to that stuff.... so i'm listening to canto-pop. :) the cd i burned off my brother. hee hee. it's good.

anyway... that's about it.

wow, it's friday. this week went by pretty quickly. but you know it's been shitty. i'll save you all from details, but yesterday was probably the worst day this week. i zoned out so much, i think my whole day was a zone out. (ask Lisa... choir on thursday was not pretty). um... i went to Phil's on wednesday so i could hang out with Alex and Beckford, since he invited me. but yeah, it didn't go well. whatever... i saw Alex tonight, he came in while i worked. he got cornrows, it actually looks really hot. then he asked me why i didn't have a good time at Phils. i just told him i've been having a really depressed week. and he just looked at me and said he didn't know what to say. ugh.

um... anyway... oh, i called home on tuesday night, to ask if Anita Mah had called, because she hasn't called me. anyway... so i talked to my dad for a bit about that Anita woman... then my dad was like "do you have anything to say to your mom?" and i'm like "hmm... i dunno, does she have anything to say to me?" and i could hear my dad ask her, and i could hear that she said no. so...whatever, if she doesn't want to talk to me. she can't even make an effort to talk to her fucking daughter.

anyway... just so i'm ending on a happy note, i received the Lengbeyer Holiday Letter tonight (like, just right now) and reading it made me laugh for real. i love my cousin so much, she's awesome :) definately the highlight of the week.

oh, and Warren called me today. he saw me in the library, and instead of coming up and saying hi, he decided to call me while i was walking out of the library. it kinda caught me off guard, because i haven't talked to him in like a over month. and talking means, even bumping into him at school and saying hi. and it was the most uncomfortable conversation i've had with him. i actually couldn't think of anything to say... ugh. whatever, mian. everything sucks.

oh... i just realized i'm back on the bad note.

umm...

fuck.... since i'm already there, i should also say that i fuckin missed the student/faculty art show this year!!! FUUUCKKKK!!!!! you have no idea how pissed off i am because of this. fuck! the art show is one of the only things i look forward to each year.

ok, i'm done.

after a shitty night last night, something good actually came up.
i finally got in touch with Anita Mah, the woman who works for the foundation at Sick Kids. she wants to interview me for the telethon fundraiser this year, so i get to tell people about how "i conquored all" on tv. heh heh heh... awesomeness. good ol' Chinese channel. now the Asian community in Toronto can all pity me. hahahaha!!

i remember doing interviews in China... those were tough, mian, especially when Edmond (asshole!) wanted me to interview in Cantonese. but Anita said i could do it in English. so..yeah! i hope the questions won't be too weird. she said she'll email them to me, so i can prepare or whatever. it's a good thing. and after that, i'm gonna have to phone potential sponsers and remind them to pay up. LOL... just kidding.

anyway... time for theory. ta.


~~~~~

edit: i hate Phils, i hate hiphop, and i could've stayed home warm, intead of venturing off into the cold, and i could've saved 7$. yet i still went. and for what? argghhh...

the past two days have been like opposites. friday was pretty shitty, for so many reasons. after going to TGH for my pacemaker appointment, i went over to HSC like i always do, to visit Christine and Andre. I didn't get to see Andre last time i went (in August) because he was on vacation. anyway, when i went on friday, the ladies at the desk told me he moved to Barbados forever to work with his cousin. i was like "WHAT?!" and then i got sad. like, seriously. i've known this guy since i was like, maybe 5 yrs old. crazy! i can't believe he would just leave! i got his email addy and i wrote him yesterday. he hasn't replied yet.
work sucked on friday too. well, it was okay, and i didn't have to close with Andrea, but certain people were pissing me off. so yeah... whatever. i didn't even go to Starlight. it was a shitty night all 'round.

last night, i tried getting people out for dinner and to chill but it was kinda tough. then Beth messaged me on msn to go to the Spur. so i was like, okay, let's just go bar hopping, since Lorna was playing at the Duke, and i haven't been to the Rude on a saturday in months. so we decided to go to the Duke and work our way down King St. and eventually end up at the Spur. it was so random, and so much fun!!! at the Duke, Lorna wasn't even there yet, so that was a bit disappointing. but we got a drink, a picture, and left. at the Rude, it was like a staff party! so awesome! 3/4 of the bar were staff. lol! i got to see Savannah! i miss that girl, she's awesome. we got a shot each, and Tony made me a free drink as well. it was so good! mmm.... girly drinks. hehe.. then we took a pic and i did my rounds of byes, and off we went to the next bar. Huether's was probably the worst bar we went to that night. our shot (blowjobs) there were good, but we were so ripped off. ugh. oh well. we took a pic and left. the fox and fiddle had a huge line so we skipped that place, and went to Failte's. Moosehead is good beer! Beth met a hot random. lol... he was one of the security guys at Failte's. the convo at Failte's was the best. good times, and awesome live band. we skipped Ethel's because it was too far, so we just went to the Spur. the cast of Urinetown was having their cast party there, so it was awesome. and Eric Woolston!! and i achieved my goal of meeting a hot random. except he wasn't that hot. oh well. it was a random still. haha... anyway. Beth and I didn't get to sing our song, cuz they closed at 2:30... booourns. so me, her and Eric walked home. it was suuuch a great night, and much needed. so, yiay!


anyways, to conclude, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NIQUE!!!!