- warren's coming tomorrow!!
- dinner w/ paul was too much work. argh. finding a place to eat takes effort.
- happy birthday kevin!
- kate's cookies are fuckin amazing!
- thanks for the grinder, carm, it's bee-ootiful!
- god fuckin dammit... it's not even 1... why the hell am i home??? fucken living with parents....

thanks to carmen's phone call, i actually picked my ass up out of the house and went downtown. haha and a good thing i did too. not only did i do what i had to do (go to NT and replace my piercing jewellery ball) i also got two skirts at this awesome vintage/second hand store! :D yiay! i saw karen and ray at the bus stop on my way to stc too, i haven't seen them both in sooo long. :)

hmm..... i wonder how those nanaimo bars are coming along..... heh....

***

mmm.... chillin at timmy ho's was awesome! yiay for chillin! i met windsor students! and gee (aka my future roommate, heh heh)! and jackie! and air-ick! yiay!

i went shopping today and bought HOT boots. omg, they are so fucking hot. :D!! the boots had no tags on them whatsoever... i could've walked out wearing them, and seriously, no one would notice, buuuuut.. u know... i'm a good citizen. haha! then i bought hot bras cuz sarah was working and she was my personal assistant, so i had to buy something. lol yiay sarah!

ok fanfic time! yiay draco! ron! hermy-own-ninny!

Don't you forget the echoes of time
Won't you regret the losing of minds
In my dreams I'm searching
Across the desert sands for you
Scimatar moon is guiding me close to your side

So
Should I return to trace the shadows of my chases
My steps will echo there from sand to stone
I will never let my eyelids close on empty spaces
My dreams will fill the void with tales unknown
Know the mighty infinite obscures the far horizon
The whispered road I take will never bend
Alone
And will the wind return my story to its promise
Or will my story chase me to my end

Melodies unspoken
Flowing from the lotus of my heart
Ending where we start

Promises unbroken
Promising a never-ending fire
Of love beyond desire

Ending where we start

holy crap it's Christmas Eve! meh... the only good thing is that there's snow on the ground.

i spent a good part of yesterday on Mugglenet.. again. it's incredible how much time people have totally dissecting those books. my head actually hurt when i was reading about time travel and profecies. ahhh! and all the little things that are hidden in there, it's crazy! so i've decided to read all the books over again, for detail. and i'm noticing these weird things too! like all the references to the number 12 and the colour purple. (Mar, are you reading this?? it's important shit, yo!) oh oh! as well, Book 6 is coming out on July 16/ 2005!! yyyeeeeeaaaa!! can't wait! 7 months! ahh!!

anywhoo...
yea, i'm gonna go finish my book now.

what a way to end the day.

that's all i can say.

omg last night was sooo fun! im going to actually post about it in detail becuz i forgot my fuckin camera, and i need to remember occasions like this when i didn't have my camera.
*ahem*

so kevin picked up up at 5:40 ish, then we picked kamla up. it was awesome chatting with him, he looks like jesus with pierced ears! hee hee! we were driving down kingston and vee called, so kevin dropped me and kamla off at the restaurant and went to pick vee up. oh man... that restaurant is fancy schmancy!! you walk in, and it's all dark with candles, and a big red velvety drape, in which you have to go through it to get to the main desk. so we did, and so i said to the waiter "i had a reservation" and the waiter goes "you had a reservation? you don't have one anymore?" hahaha what a joker... so i'm like "ummm.... well, i still have it..." so whatever, he shows us to our table, it was so damn fancy, all the nice table clothes and wine glasses and dark atmosphere! alishia was the next one to arrive, it was so great seeing her! last time i saw her was last year's dinner. lol! her bf didn't come... bah! kate, carmen, nique and adam arrived next, along with kevin and vee, we were pretty loud then. haha! we were still waiting for jordan and kevin to arrive. so we were looking through the menus and whatnot, asking the waiter what everything was (nique's tomato steak... haha!) we even had a lesson on our menues! the waiter came to us and said "so you haven't been here before? let me tell you how our menus work... first, turn to the first page..." then explained "flip to the second page... and you will find our ..." and it went on... and at that point kevin p. and jordan arrived! so i kinda missed the last part of the lesson. jorda ordered a martini, but then i said to him "you know the martinis are $14..." and he looked at the martini menu list, and cancelled his order.. haha! it took us a loooong time to decide what everyone wanted, becuz we didn't know what it meant. we asked so many questions that even our waiter blanked out! hahaha hilarious. lish and i shared a calamari, it was sooo yummy! :P anywhoo... we waited a bit for our main dish, and mine was suuper yummy, except for the artichokes- they tasted weird. carmen and kate's $5 mashed potatos really weren't worth $5. we can all make better ones. but apparently, kevin's steak was good! i had a little "incident" with my k-nif, and the waiter came over and said "did something spill?" and i was just sitting there all prim and proper and answered "no?" lol everyone was laughing at me sooo much. (really, i have NO idea what they're talking about...haha!) aaanywhoo, so after dinner, i thought we were gonna go to this cafe that had cake and coffee and alcoholic drinks, cuz me and kevin winson and vee wanted to go..and some other people, but then nique was like "you can all buy booze and come to my house!" so we all went to nique's house, but the LCBO was closed and all of us in kevin's car didn't feel like drinking. (kevin p. and jordan went to church st. so they weren't with us).... so we were at nique's house, and damian pulled out wine, and we all explaimed how wine at the Monte Cristo was so fuckin ridiculously priced. so then we had this huge convo about wine and everyone got a glass of wine. nique went upstaires and took two bottles of her dad's wine, and he finished it. lol danny and elliot joined us as well, and danny has like, no hair! lol... it's cute! damian and i had a serious conversation about OCAD, becuz i told them how jeremy wanted to kick me out, and him and danny were like "fuck him!! don't let him fucking tell you what to do!!" and then damian came over and kneeled down started telling me how OCAD made him hate drawing and stuff, and i told him how i know, i didn't want to get into art cuz i might not enjoy it as much, and then he told me he hated it so much, that's why he dropped out, and raffi went to OCAD too, and he hated it, but he just stuck it out and graduated, but he still hated it, so i shouldn't go. it was actually a good talk, cuz i didn't know anyone else except him who went to OCAD. and then we all went to the garage, and talked about how we should have another raga, and i got all excited, cuz the last one was SOOOOOO much fun. and then i mentioned how i wanted to record it next time (like our MT improvs), and elliot was like "i don't give you permission to record my musical talents." hahaha! meh! and then kate froze (and so did carmen) so we went back inside... had more wine, and then kevin drove me carmen vee and kamla home. it was overall a reeealllyy fun night, and i'm sorry that some people had to miss it.

***

so paul and i went christmas shopping today. we were at stc for 3 fuckin hours and the only thing he bought was a little bug massager for me, cuz he owed me a christmas present. paaahhh... afterwards, we left stc and went to dad's cookie and bought sooo many cookies! lol.. and then we became fobs and bought bubble tea..lol.. and then we went to the LCBO and he got a case of smirnoff for one of his friends. haha ohhh man. it was cool hanging out with him though, and i still owe him a KBBQ. anywhhooo... i think i'm gonna practise again tonight. :D i don't think i want jeremy to kic me out.

i love having plans :) can't wait til dinner tomorrow....... tonight :D goim shopping with paul on tuesday and hanging out with matty wednesday :DDD can't wait! i miss everybody! i miss warren already, geez. damn stupid BIZ exams, hahaha.. (no, ian, im NOT gonna fuck him, get over it!)

today i spent the majority of the day in my room, it kinda sucked, but i actually did go shopping for people, and my bunny. it was cold out. i went to Coles and saw this book i reeeeaaallly wanna get. it's an autobiographical story of David Pelzer and his extremely abusive childhood- beatings and extreme neglect from his mother. i read the intro of iit in the store, it was sooo good! the psych part of me wants to see how it changed his life, cuz in psych, i learned that children who've been abused and neglected turn out to be antisocial and stuff like that, but it doesn't seem like he's that type of person now, so..it's interesting.

anyways, im tired, i'll post more laterrrr.. :)

well, i've been back for a while... i really wish i wasn't though. i think this is the first time i really don't want to be here, and i'm not even angry.
my mom hasn't said anything to me at all, and the only thing i said to her was hi, because my dad made me do it. and she ignored me.

it really is kind of sad. i really would rather be back at waterloo. my brother is pretty much ignoring me too. so the only person i talk to is my dad. and he's not home right now.

it's different being by myself at home. in waterloo, when i don't talk to people, like my roommate, it's alright, i dunno why. it's just different. even last year, when i didn't really talk to the people in my building. but here, it's different.

ah whatever... i'll just clean my room, shower, and sleep.

like what me and denny talked about last night, who needs family? what is this family business anyway? pfft.

yiay i have my laptop back!
my precious, worm-free, super fast laptop, with nothing on it! bah!
it's confusing... i can't even download MSN... and i have no Microsoft Word or anything useful like that on it either. so i have to re-install that tomorrow. *sigh*...

i spent like half a day shopping for a present for warren. shopping for guys is hard! but i finally found something cool- one of those oil incense burners that you hang on the wall. heh... see, this way, if he doesn't like it, i can always use it. haha! juuuust kidding. :)

anyways, i'm le tired, but i still have to study, and my cousin is coming over to try and fix my computer and have dinner with me. *sigh*... it's gonna be a loooong night.
oh shite, i still have to call for reservations for le diner on monday. better do it now. argh.

wheee...
my laptop is fucked. i'm on ian's comp. he's out right now, with his oompa loompa hair. heh heh...

technical exam yesterday went okay. christine made me do B flat scale of 4,6,8,12, and 24. 3rds and octaves. booo... those are like, my two worst double stops. and i didn't even finish my bach. i played about 2/3's of it. meh. not complaining.
went shopping after! yiay! i went to 360, and bumped into amy james and catherine there. had fun trying on stuff, i got a new outfit! it was pretty.
party at christine's (viola teacher, of PSQ) was fun, her kitty, coco, was sooo cute. haha pete stepped on her. :| mmm chili and shrimp and nachos and dip! christine grounded chocoate and made chocolate sauce that went with the ice cream, soooo good. :) chatted with jeremy about some serious stuff, like how i'm so messed up, and him showing us how he's gonna say "i do" ("i do... i think? i guess so..." haha!) watched the PSQ's "performance" on the food network, on tape. it was hilarious! now i fully understand what they were saying when they told us how jerzy couldn't eat the pasta! and then jeremy drove me, liz, andres, and katie home.

my dad just called and said he'd pick me up on saturday. ha. i was like "i thought i wasn't going home?" and then he's like "you know your mom wasn't serious and blahblahblah..." honestly... i am like a puppet. she can push me away when she doesn't want me and take me back when she does. i'd like to see her reaction if i told her that I didn't want to. heh heh... but i'm not that evil....... or am i?

just kidding.

aaaanyways... i have no motivation to study for psych. just wanna sit here and do nothing. bleugh.

christmas in a week and two days. yiay.
hey, paul, let's get fucked and create havoc in scarbro.

*deep breath*

what the FUCK just happened tonight? i apologise if my thoughts are random. i can't really think straight right now. and i cn't see very well either.

thanks bethany for being there for me :) much much appreciated.

can't think. ah.

ok i am going to try and stay at this fucking school. i am NOT living at home. if i have to give up going to OCAD, i will. i am NOT living at home.

you're right, mother. it's not about school now. people have already screwed that up for me. i just have to stay away from you. im not your fucking puppet.

i was good last night. i didn't act on impulses.
go me.

theory exam in two and a half hours. bah.

OH. MY. GOD.

I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS.
FUCKING PEOPLE.... I SWEAR.

aaaahhhhhhhhhh....

ok OCAD. accept me, and i will be your bitch.

why the hell is everyone so bitter today?
probably exams... but still.

been studying. nothin much else going on.

been thinking about next year again... so many choices, it's frustrating! OCAD actually has really interesting courses. but... i dunno... my lesson yesterday went kinda bad. it wasn't the worst i've had, but still... i had to admit to jeremy that i haven't practised A minor yet cuz i've been concentrating on B flat. i felt like such an idiot. fuck... ok i'm serious about making my portfolio now. i'm probably even gonna ask beth if i can use the poem i'm writing out for her as a part of it. i'm sure she'll agree. yea, beth wanted me to write this poem for her, cuz apparently, i'm artsy. heh heh. it actually looks pretty good so far. i really don't want to move though. i wanna live with warren and eunie next year and be fobbitized! (actually... no, don't wanna be fobbitized. that is that LAST thing i want) and i want tom's basement! bah.

geez i'm so out of place.

i came back to loo early this afternoon. i had to do my letter of intent. i finished it at 7pm, right when the concert was starting. what a coinkydink. bah!

can't believe how easy the skills rhythms are. :D it doesn't really match the super fucken hard melodies. not impressed.

my right eye hurts. i don't know why. ow.

i'm pretty sure we have a destination for dinner. yiay! i'm so excited! mikey can't come though. damn alexisonfire concert!

okay gotta keep practising for skills. i want A+ for rhythms!! melodies.... well, we'll see how they go.

ah shit...
i think i have to go back to loo tomorrow. i totally forgot to bring the outline for my letter of intent... and i REALLY have to do it. shitshitshit... i really wanna go to the concert tomorrow...ahhhh... im such an idiot for not thinking about that...
argh.
anyways, i'll fix up my resume in the meantime.

and here we go again.
it never ends.
god fuckin dammit!!!

my mom came home and i wished i never came back.
it never fucking ends. i always hope for a hi, it doesn't even have to be enthusiastic. but no... all i get is her bitching.

thank god i'm only staying til thursday.

yiay i just got home! taking the ttc busses made me feel like going home from high school. *sigh*... oh the memories... the bus drive REALLY can't drive tho. damn toronto trasit. i saw james fu on the subway though! i haven't seen him in the longest time! it was cool... he helped me with my bags, cuz i had so many. :) at STC, he was like, "yea i have your number now.. kinda disappointed u didn't ask for mine..." lol... i was like..umm... well, just call me and i'll have it. haha! aaaanyways... trudging home with my two big bags and instrument from the bus stop was brutal.

i just realized i forgot to bring home the prepared melodies that bethany printed off for me. :( now i have to print them again. speaking of skills... the exam was brutal!! damn two-part melody and two-part rhythm... grr... and chords, omg. damn those chords to hell!

anywhoo...i'm craving hot chocolate, so i'm gonna go make some.

fran, shan, tracy, ian: try to contain yourselves and not have hot sex with my bunny, okay?

Congrats to Carmen, who has finally decided to start her blog again! the new template's amazing, looooove iiiit!

anywhoo, yea, choir was awesome this afternoon, pat yourselves on the back! :) Shermeen's in choir! it was cool talking to her, but then her friend came and just pulled her away, just like that. WTF. seriously. can i kill her?

SOOOO.... miss bitch apparently went and told people about our "incident". hahaha whatever. i don't even bother dealing with these people anymore, they can think whatever the hell they want. it's not a loss on my part anyway. i hate bitches. seriously.

anyways... yea. i have to go for a bit.

i finally finished ALL my papers friday night, hung out with warren, watched some movies at his place. i was actually pretty bored yesterday so i got keshia to come over and we watched 3 movies in a row. hee hee.. choir concert today, whoo hoo! and amber's shedding again. bah.
skills exam tomorrow. yiay.
so when is the freakin ACI christmas concert?? i'm pretty sure i can actually make it this year. whoo hoo! i gotta switch my lesson time... friday!
shit... i really have to start studying for psych. stupid psych... bah. and i have to get a police report.
*sigh*...
okay... back to skills.

i can't believe i'm typing this post... after typing for pretty much the entire day yesterday!
im so sick of typing... but i couldn't stay away. heh heh....eh.
um, yes, so yesterday, i spent approximately 9 hours re-writing my first MT essay, equivalent to 17 pages, close to 6500 words. oh man... so brutal. then, at 2:30, once i finally finished typing, i watched The Prince and Me... cuz i wasn't tired. it was pretty good, Prince Edvard was hot! :P

watched the Berlin orchestra play Beethoven's 6th in sectionals/masterclass last night (Jerzy's DVD from China). it was awesome! and im planning the Bach party/concert in march. heh heh... fun. figured i might as well do something extra for school for once. i love Bach!

so i think i will be crossing one member off the Christmas Dinner list, because of recent (last night) events. that bitch, i swear to god... i think there is too much hatred going around with me. sometimes, i really hate the female population-- too much fuckin drama. no consistency.

the one thing i like about class evaluations is that you can bitch about the teacher and give them horrible ratings, and they won't even know it's you. heh heh...*ahem* vandenberg *ahem* we'll see how monday's exam goes. i better fuckin get a B... or else.

gotta finish up the references for the MT paper... i'll post more... later.

today, i hate
everything that has to do with music at school
jeremy bell, aka mr. if-you're-determined-then-i'm-behind-you-every-step
paul pulford, aka mr. super-great-conductor-who-don't-give-a-shit-about-the-sucky-people-who-sit-at-the-back
my goddamn MT paper
my violin
my house
people
amber

***

while i was doing my paper last night at 3am, i looked up alessandro safina on the internet cuz, with a voice like that, i wanted to see he looked like.
alessandro safina is hot for an old guy. ;)

***

hating school.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

so the deal with me and jeremy is this: he apologised for putting all that on me last week. he tried to make up for it by saying how he'll support me in my decision and blahblahblah...
so what it comes down to:
there is a 50/50 chance i'm going.