have you ever had the feeling, sometimes your mind's just so full and you're so tired that you just wanna slip into this great big depression and not care about anything at all?
well, that's what im feeling right now. it's terrible, but...ahh...can't do nuthin about it.

wow. i'm actually chatting with Devin. haven't for so long. i miss him. he still owes me cool decorated drumsticks. heh

so back to my depression. i've been feeling bad since the night of Cirque Du Soleil. i think it started with the letter to Pedro. i still have it, in my bag. i feel so bad about it. i've lost my only chance to even have a chance to meet him. does that make sense? arggg...and i was so close to too! i was gonna ask the cashier lady (cuz i was buying something) and then this other dude showed up behind her (another cashier) and i can't ask in front of two ppl! especially the other cashier, cuz he's hot, and he's a guy, and it doesn't work when u ask guys to give notes to other guys. sooo...yea.
and then there's my mother, who's always nagging me about stuff, and not letting me live my life. and there's my stupid brother who's always throwing rude remarks at me. "Are u stupid?!"..."Mandy, do you know anything?!"..."Oh my gaaawd."..."omg! Use your brain!"..."You're ugly! and dumb!" and tons other that i don't think i'm even gonna post. it's terrible, and it's incredibly discouraging. i know...y'all must be thinking i should just ignore him or whatever, but i can't. i just can't. he says them so much and so often now, that i'm starting to believe. and then i cry and wanna end my life. *sigh* and then there's the problem with my driving instructor, who is being a dumbass. and also other people who might think of me the same way as my brother thinks of me, and....just lots of stuff. i want school to start so i can take my mind of all that. ahh...one more week. i can't wait that long! but i guess i have to. argg...well, going to the mentors' meeting this thursday, that's in school. yay. i can't wait. i need to DO something!! or i'm gonna go crazy!! i think i'm already crazy.
ahhh...ok no more. i'm out.