halloween was kinda shit, other than the fact that i got to dress up. me and aurora just went to diff. places incl. dan haid's place. crazy. yay music parties, but not really becuz i barely hang out with any of them any more. stopped by the Rude. saw nate shaughn rachel rory (!) cam and coryyy(!!) well i guess shaughn and nate and i are okay now. i don't know? whatever, i don't really care.

went to starlight for a bit...12$ cover! wtf. well, aurora paid for me, so that's ok.. went back to dan's place and there was a styrofoam fight. bah. anyway.... aurora got uber drunk and it was not fun getting home because she kept going on about nick storring. ugh. anyway... that's about it. i want candy.

geog. lab today was actually not so bad. i learneded. :) i can now watch the weather channel and understand what they're talking about!

oh... on sat. when kat and aurora got home from the choir concert, kat told me that cynthia...died.?
wtf?
i'm pretty sure it's the cynthia i know. johnson? french horn? boyfriend who works at long and mcquade?
fuck.
can't believe it.
why do friends die around this time of year?

2 more days til 2 yrs since Aaron died. damn... it's been two yrs already.... feels like last month. *sniff*

i wanna go to Cynth's funeral. shit... i need to get in touch w/ Brandon (her bf).... and maybe delete her off my MSN list? hm... and also, i guess i can't return her book to her anymore. shiat.

makes me think of how quickly and easily people, esp. friends can go. honestly... i remember it wasn't too long ago i saw her online. and maybe a month ago last time i talked to her about school in Nipissing. anyone of us could be next. goddammit, thinking. i am sad. comfort me?

alright, i'm outtie.

***

edit: ok so it is the Cynthia i know. just went to L&M to see if brandon was working. he wasn't. i just left a message with someone who worked there. called Beth to see if she was gonna go tomorrow, but she's not home, so i left a message as well. so we'll see. hard not to cry on the bus, because reality sunk in.

-no love for shaughn and nate for what happened last week with the txt messages

-yay i'm passing cognitive psych!

-boo i'm failing learning psych

-back in scarbro til... uh, tomorrow .... halloween parties!!! i wanna go club-hopping... gotta see if aurora is up for that

-got a new red corset top at le chateau! will work for my costume (fairy!) and will also look nice for Christmas!

-me + my brother = not friends

-more later!

went in to the Rude last night...wanted to talk to Heidi about my money, but she was so busy fucken flirting with every male specimen in the damn restaurant. fucken dyke. lol... she knew i was standing there waiting for her to fucken stop talking. ugh. i'm gonna have to try and find Brad's (the owner) email and tell him about it directly.
the good thing i was there though.... i saw my favourite kitchen boys last night! Shaughn, Nate, and Seabass (still gorgeous)!! *heart* Nate cut his hair! fiiiiinallyyyy... lol... it looks good! oh, i miss my rude boys... hehehe

starlight last night with a bunch of internationals... it was fun! but i don't think a lot of them liked it. ah well! some random guy started talking to me, so i started talking to him. hahaha i haven't done the hot random thing in a while... it was cool. and he was actually pretty hot! lol i know! he invited me to this party in some hicksville next week... haha... so i gave him my number and maybe he'll call. :P

anywhoo.... wind ensemble concert today. i almost forgot! and i have to HM it too! haha imagine if i forgot....lol....that would be terrible! hm.. i wonder who will be ushering it. i'm really gonna have to take charge today. no stepping all over mandy. muahaha

alright... im outtie.

why is it that everytime you try to forget something bad that happened in your life, someone always manages to bring it up again? it's like they're doing it on purpose or something. shit. so my cousin called me last night, while i was in the concourse talking to johanna and florence, and started asking me about stuff with my brother and my mom. yes... another person to convince how much of a bitch i am, but i don't care.
or maybe i do, but i'm suppressing it?
i don't know.
point is... i deal with my problems. i don't go prancing around getting other everyone involved and let them solve my problems while i sit here and sulk.

this past weekend in TO was pretty fun friday, hung out with mikey in the afternoon, tried getting pierced, but that didn't happen cuz apparently, im anatomically challenged. :( i'll do it eventually...muahahaha... and then mikey and i went to see micky. i haven't seen that guy in almost 3 yrs! holy crap. it was good seeing him. after we left, mikey went home cuz he had to work at a concert, and i went to meet nicolas. we went to his apartment, looked at pictures from montreal and video clips. haha his roommate is pretty antisocial. i tried making conversation with her, but she was just kinda ignoring me, or giving me one-word answers. ah well... nico and i just chilled in his room. after all the pics were sorted/exchanged, we went to eat. it was pretty cool... we were gonna go to hard rock cafe, but the wait was sooo long. so we just went to get pizza. haha... good convos about life and childhood and significant others. :)

saturday... went to ikea with my mom, then dt and hung out with joey. it was cool seeing him again. just walked around eaton center, went to a couple of comic book stores, and then to the sound post. called up nico, and joey called up his friend josh. we all chilled together. joey probably thinks me and nico are craaaazy! lol...we kept laughing. but josh is suuuuuch a nerd. lol! more than joey, i think. hahaa... but that's cool. we just hung out at wendy's and talked.... then went home.

orchestra concert was awesome! congrats to ANDREA!!!! YYAAAYYYY!!! that girl is friggin amazing. anywhoo.... im tired again. all the damn time. and my brother is fuuuuuct. seriously.

anywho.... off to bed i go.

ok i wrote this long post last night then my comp fucked up.... so i'll try again.

so i went to montreal with fanny, some other international students, and nicolas last weekend. it was pretty fun! well... sometimes it was stressful. mainly for me, since i was with a friggin huge-ass group of frenchies, and all they were doing was speaking french. it sucked. saturday, did a lot of sightseeing, met a lot of fanny's friends. sunday was fun, went to olympic stadium, drove around, visited ecole polytechnique, since olivier goes there. it was fun. that night we went to st. hunbert's for thanksgiving dinner, but we had chicken. hahah... damn frenchies don't celebrate thanksgiving. lol. anyway... after dinner was when the bad stuff happened. first our car got towed away in the parking lot. we had to fork out 100$ and sit in a weirdo's car to get it back. sooooo sketchy. then i drove olivier home, with bad FRENCH instruction. fuck.. so pissed off. then when i dropped him off, they were all just chatting for a while, and i started crying cuz i was sooooo stressed and upset. anyway... whatever.... then nico drove, and when he got to our hostel, he tried parallel parking, but he wasn't used to driving automatic, and the street was crazy steep, and he crashed into the car in front of us, and that car crashed into the car in front of that! crazy! but it was late at night and no one saw, so we just left. needless to say... i parked. ha.

the only good hing to come out of it was that that night we had a looong talk in our room, in ENGLISH, so that was good. it's kinda sad to think that it took a towed car and a crash to get them to converse in english. *sigh*...anyway...

the next day, olivier bussed all the way to see us off. it was so awkward between us. ugh... i hate when that happens. he's such a great great guy... i felt so bad about it. but at the same time... not really. but yea... i'm gonna invite him to come to toronto maybe. so we can hang out. :)

driving back was cool. stopped by ottawa. the weather was PERFECT. we just chilled, walked around, ate lunch on parliament hill. sooo beautiful. i think it was the best day of the weekend for me :)

anyway... the last couple of days have been pretty shitty... tired all the time and such. bah. well, going back to TO in 20 minutes. yay i get to hang out with people who matter!! *heart*

alright...i'm outtie...

i miss shaughn. seriously... he's such a great friend. he's like my big brother. *heart*

today was a better day. got to talk to alan, and he taught me some things. skipped human geog. cuz well... i just didn't feel like going. cognitive wasn't too bad... and learning suuuucked... as usual. but i doodled today, and i got a new idea for my next painting! i love how ideas just pop out of nowhere sometimes.

and now i'm talking to joey... i'm trying to make him feel better, cuz he had a bad day. i really wanna cheer him up, cuz he cheered me up when i was sad. awwwww how cute. lol.

anywhoo.... don't have much else to post about. going to montreal tomorrow, so that should be fun. alright.... ta-ta

went in to the Rude yesterday. finally got to see shaughn! oh i miss that guy heheh. it was nice to chat. and tim louis! aww... i miss Rude people...
well.... some... haha.... but yea... it was nice yesterday. shaughn drove me hmoe after.
anyway.... montreal thing isn't working out perfect... TD better have my credit card! oh man.... anyway.... post more later.... i have class.

edit: KATRINA IS FUCKIN CRAZY!!!!

TD is craaaaaaappy!!!
omg... it's been 3 weeks and i still haven't gotten my credit card. they lost it again. dammit.
anyway... cognition midterm tomorrow... i dunno if i am ready yet. haha maybe i should stop blogging and study. hmm............nah. lol. well i will in a bit.

anyway... um.... nothing else to blog. today is a better day.

rammstein is sexy.

wow, what a weekend. on the whole, it was waaaaaaayyyy too long. good god. fanny and johanna came with me. fri. night, got home at 8ish.. went to steph's house, met allen. joan and esther also there. wow, they changed so much. materialistic girls. bah. me fanny and johanna drove to pmall for dinner, but it was closed... so went to all sorts of diff. places... finally just ate at a food court. then went to urban lounge to meet up with steph. fuck....sooooo many cbc's. not used to it. so we left pretty early. sat. went dt. eaton center pretty much all day. met up with florence and joelle. that night, went home for dinner, then picked up paul and then to mark's house to pick up mike. we actually stayed at mark's for a bit, chatting. he was having some sort of party, so there were lots of people there. well... that whole group of kids they all hang out with. it was actually really weird.... well mainly because i don't know half of them, and the ones i do know, i'm not really friends with. ok..and well... matty was there. i actually talked to him a bit, caught up a bit. sooo awkward tho.

then we left to guv. got lost on the gardiner. but made it anyway. nicolas, fanny's friend was all decked out hahah.. it was cool... he's very nice. so yea... and then while we were waiting in line, johanna and i kinda got into an arguement. fuck... so pissed off about it. but whateves. but anyway.... we kinda made up a tiny bit before we went in, becuase i didn't want us to ignore each other and stuff. so yeah.... omg... guvernment was fuckin awesome. sooooooooo much better than shitty waterloo clubs. even way better than velvet, actually. im really starting to get into techno and electronic music. scary, huh? but whatever... i had a great time! got home at 4am.

tihs morning, i went to the pacing buddies gathering at HSC. met andrea and joey, the two other "graduates" that were speaking in front of all the people. joey and i pretty much hung out the entire time. he's soooo nice. AND he's had the same operations as me! whoooooo :P so yeah.. i told him to come visit me in loo, and he told me to visit him in sauga. then he told me he probably won't come to loo, but then he told me to come to sauga anyway, so can hang out at square one. lol...but i actually might do that. i can talk to him about stuff i don't usually talk about to my other friends and actually have them understand. so it's all good.

anyway..... i am really glad to be back in loo, but there's still some tension between johanna and i, which sucks. i seriously feel like crap. but it'll pass, hopefully. i'm talking to mikey on msn as im writing tihs, he's making me feel better. :) *heart* i love my friends.

alright.... battery running low... i'm outtie.