i have never tried so hard to try to pursue someone ever in my life. and it still won't work.

so i guess the lesson is never try.

i'm done with calling. he can do the pursuing from now on.

whoa.. okay, so yesterday, i tried doing my first sudoku puzzle, since my history class was cancelled. i quit after 20 minutes though, because i had to practise. anyway... i actually tried doing it again today, and after an hour and 45 minutes of dedicated puzzle solving, i finished it!!! whoooooo!!! it's so cool, these puzzles are addictive! it was a good waste of time. hahaha i need to get my hands on another one tomorrow.

wwhhhooooooaaaaaa
today's rehersal with orchestra was INTENSE!!!! holy fucking shit... best legal high EVERR!! the Poulenc is actually starting to grow on me. it sounds awesome with orchestra! Jasmina's symphony is AWESOME, i truely love that piece. aaaaaand BERSTEIN!!!! whoo hooooo! my faaaavourite piece tihs concert!!! holy shat, i almost died, it was that good. instead i turned into a Mandy puddle. it was a boiling puddle too, cuz it was so hot. lol i was kinda iffy about buying Craig a ticket, cuz i know he wants to come to the concert, but i didn't wanna pay for him, but now, i seriously don't even care. i didnt have to pay for either my brother's or Jay's tickets. hahaha so it's all good.

i'm really excited to hear that counter-tenor now... putting everything together will be beyond amazing! eeeeeeeeee! and then i'm going home saturday! whoo hoo!

*grin*
ok, sooooo i just came back from lunch with Jay. it went super well. i bussed to his place, and we walked back to his house for a bit, deciding on where to eat. and we couldn't decide so we just started walking to uptown Waterloo. but we walked through like Mayfield and some other sidestreets, past Sobey's and through Erb St. it was a long walk, but it was awesome. we had lunch at the Fox and Fiddle, which is an awesome place! i've never been there before, even when it was Paddy's. so..yeah... it was le fun. after that we walked to WLU and i showed him around campus... and he showed me where he glued ferns on the walls in the terrace, when he worked there. haha! and then in the dining hall, we bumped into Bethany, so we stopped and chatted with her for a while. it was le fun. and then he had to go cuz of work. so boourns. but he's coming to the choir/orchestra concert! yaaayyyyyyy!! i am le super excited, it is gonna be great!

***

edit: Hurrah for 10 000 hits!!!

edit edit:: why is it blizzarding so hard??? argh!!

1. writing this paper is like torture...
2. i talked to johnny rocco about jay. he said he would talk to him next time he sees him and see what's gonna happen.
3. i watched Saw 2 yesterday. it was fucked up. what a good movie.
4. HP4 will have to wait til next weekend. stupid school getting in the way.
5. i miss things.
6. still.
7. i hate school
8. my head hurts.
9. and i'm tired.
10. back to work.

***

edit: i called jay last night after having a mildly deep convo with fran. it went mildly well.

last night, i had a weird dream. there were lots of people around, but the people i remember in it the clearest was me, warren and amy lim. basically we were in this restaurant or cafe place... i think? and warren was sitting at this one table, and i i walked up to him and he was doing homework, so i just sat there and talked... and then i saw amy lim sitting a couple of tables away, so then we started talking too, but amy and warren weren't really talking... and then some other stuff happened..... and yeah.....lol.... i don't remember all the details, but some parts of it were embarassing.

hmmmmmmm......

ok freudians... what was the meaning of that dream?

and then i was reading an article in te concourse after choir today for my music ed. paper, and warren walked up to me cuz he saw me working. it was so weird seeing him. haha anyways....
yea, and amy came up to me during the choir break and started having a full out conversation with me. that was kinda weird too.

and that's the end of my story.

ok it's been a couple of days since the handing in of the music history papers... i think i've recovered from my lack of sleep. hee hee... i checked my multiple choice marks for my psych exam today (which was on the same day as the history paper was due, so i studied zero for it) and it's kinda funny (yet sad) how bad i failed it. hahah.... it was really bad. hopefully the bs-ing of my short answer questions will make up for it. but my hopes aren't that high.

anywhoo, so i jammed at the Rude last night. it's been a while since i did... and it was pretty fun, except near the end they were all playing funk and other crazy stuff like that, so i had to sit out for it, cuz i have NO idea how to play to that. but it was fun still.

anywhoo.. i don't really have much else to post, but THANKS NIQUE! for offering to beat up guys for me! i feel the love. <3

right. okay, so guys are still dicks.

i'm done with the drawing board. i dunno what else to do.

just some news... Jeremy and I have parted ways.

gone are the stressful lessons, tears about stressful lessons, bad confrontations, awkward silences, and pretending.

i'm actually kinda relieved.

**

anyway... so after deciding to ask Kelly about Jay, i called her, but no one was home, so i left a message, and went to sleep. two hours later, my phone rang, and my caller ID said "Kelly. The Duke." (The Duke is where she works)... so i picked it up, glad that she was returning my call. but it wasn't Kelly, it was Jay! whoo hoo! so yeah... we had a nice chat... then was like "were you sleeping?" so i'm like "uh....yeah...." haha oh well. i'm glad he called though. we made plans for friday, but it wasn't until this afternoon that i remembered that i lost my driver's license.... sooo.... i will have to try to find someone who looks like me and ask if i can borrow their's for a night. because i really hate cancelling plans with people. especially two people (Jay and Bethany). so... yeah... YIAAAAAYYYYY!!!!

anyway, Kelly called me back tonight, and it was really unexpected because i assumed that she was the one who told Jay to call me back. but apparently she didn't know. which makes it even better for me, because now i know he called me by himself! yay! and i also learned that they live together. pah.. go figure. i'm stupid. but we had a cool little chat anyways. so yes.... this week is looking better already!

ok so yesterday, tuesday, the penderecki played at the noon concert. it was intense. i couldn't even sit through the entire show. i dunno.... just seeing jeremy there playing... remembering the things he told me. i couldn't take it. one thing i realized after monday... i really can't stand people who contradict themselves like that. it's like saying, "i wonder why i eat so much food at the dining hall. it's disgusting".. and then 10 minutes later, you head to the dining hall and buy a slice of that 4 cheese pizza because it's so delicious. can't stand it. and the first piece in that concert was really boring as well.
i dunno...... i'm kinda thinking about quitting lessons with jeremy now. i mean... i have been kinda complaining about his teaching styles for 2 years, now i have a chance to get out... should i? i dunno. i hate severing ties. like, i seriously had soooo much respect for him. but just after what happened on monday... i dunno anymore.

*sigh*... a minute to reflect....

anyway... jay never did come in today at the rude. and he still hasn't called. i must say, i am pretty disappointed. but what can i do, huh. i think i'll stick to me and fran's principle of "guys are dicks".

better start doing some work. meeting amie at the library tomorrow. yay.